Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy(39)

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ I believe the appropriate term is ‘Twat’.>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Are you being grammatical or rude?>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ The former *pretentious voice*: from the Latin, Twitto, Twittarse, Twittat.>

He’s funny. And pic is handsome. And young-looking. I wonder who he is?

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Roxster, if you carry on like this, your 103 remaining Twitterati will be demanding sick bags.>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Why? Are they all hung-over because they too were twunking about birds last night?>

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Cheeky young whippersnapper.

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Please stop being so impertinent, or I shall have to tweak you.>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Tweak or tweet? Best not the latter. You’ve just lost 48 more followers.>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Oh no! They think I’m a really neurotic Twitterer and fat.>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Did you just say ‘and fart’?>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster No, Roxster, I said ‘and fat’. You seem unhealthily obsessed with farting and vomiting.>

Roxster just retweeted me from one of his followers: <@Raef_P @Rory See you in five, yar? Outside the Fartage?> adding:

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Posh bastards are skiing in France.>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster But what is Fartage?>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Waxing.>

10 p.m. Waxing? France? Suddenly have lurching fear that Roxster is not a cute younger man who finds me entertaining, but gay, and is drawn to me and Talitha as tragic ironic ruined drag acts, like Lily Savage.

10.05 p.m. Just called Talitha to get her opinion.

‘Roxster? That rings a bell. Is he one of my followers?’

‘He’s MY follower!’ I said indignantly, then conceded, ‘Though he may have jumped across from you.’

‘He’s adorable. Roxster. Roxby someone. I had a man on the show who was plugging designer food-recycling caddies and Roxby came with him. He works for some green eco-charity. Nice young chap. Very handsome. Go for it!’

10.15 p.m. <@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Do you go to France and get waxed, Roxster?>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ *Deep masculine voice* Jonesey, I am very far from gay. I am talking about waxing snowboards.>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster ‘Oh oh, look at me, I’m a young person. I do snowboarding in baggy trousers showing my underpants.’>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster ‘Instead of skiing elegantly with a furlined hood.’>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Do you like younger men, Jonesey?>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster *Icy, almost to point of glacier-esque* Excuse me? What EXACTLY are you implying?>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ *Hides behind sofa* How old are you, Jonesey?>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Oscar Wilde: Never trust a woman who will tell you her age. If she tells you that she will tell you anything.>

<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster How old are you, Roxster?>

<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ 29.>





SCREENWRITER


Monday 14 January 2013

Twitter followers 793 (am #Twunken heroine), tweets 17, disastrous social occasions agreed to 1 (or maybe 3 all in one), words of screenplay written 0.

10 a.m. Right, must get down to work!

10.05 a.m. Maybe will just check news.

10.15 a.m. Oooh. Really like Michelle Obama’s new haircut with fringe, or ‘bangs’, as they are known. Maybe I should get fringe or bangs? Also, of course, delighted by Obama’s second term of presidency.

10.20 a.m. Really has started to seem as if nice people are in charge: Obama, that new Archbishop of Canterbury who had a proper job before and speaks out against the banks being greedy, and William and Kate. Right, work. Ooh, phone!

11 a.m. Was Talitha. ‘Darling! Have you finished your screenplay?’

‘Yes!’ I said. ‘Well, sort of.’ The truth is, what with the whole Leatherjacketman thing, and the dating study thing, and then the Twitter thing, The Leaves in His Hair seems to have rather gone to seed. Oh, though, can leaves go to seed? Maybe if sycamores?

‘Bridget? Are you still there? Is it in some sort of shape?’

‘Yes!’ I lied.

‘Well, send it to me. Sergei’s doing some “dealings” in the film business and I think I can use it to get you an agent.’

‘Thanks,’ I said, very touched.

‘Send it today?’

‘Um. Yes! Just give me a couple of days?’

‘OK,’ she said. ‘But get on with it, OK? Between tweets to toy boys? Remember, we do not let Twitter become an obsession.’

11.15 a.m. Right. Is absolutely imperative not to tweet today, but finish screenplay. Have just got to do the ending. Oh, and the middle bit. And sort out the start. Maybe will just look quickly at Twitter to see if @_Roxster has tweeted again. Gaah! Telephone.

‘Oh, hello, darling’ – my mum. ‘I’m just ringing about the Cruise Slideshow Event and Hard-Hats-Offing a week on Saturday. It was super doing the Christmas-After-Christmas at Chats and I thought . . .’

Tried to resist the temptation to immediately tweet hilariously about the Mum/Cruise Event conversation whilst being in the middle of it. Of course Mum would never be on Twitter.

‘Bridget?’

‘Yes, Mum,’ I said, trying to drag myself away from Twitter.