Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits #4)(110)

I look away, unable to face him.

“I don’t know how long this has been going on, Alanna, but I’m partially to blame. He wouldn’t have come after you if not for me. Just think about the way you two got together and truly ask yourself whether or not it’s all coincidental, or whether it was carefully orchestrated. You were evicted for no reason, and Silas happened to step in and offer you help? I won’t say much more because I truly don’t think you’ll believe me, but I recommend that you check his financials. See if there was anything suspicious about that eviction, since it’s what allowed him to truly win you over. Would you have fallen for him if he didn’t have access to you after working hours? If you hadn’t moved in together, would you two be dating now? Just think about it.”

Ryan stares up at the sky that has finally cleared and pulls the umbrella away, closing it. “I know it’s over for us. I know I fucked up and I’ll forever pay the price for it, but Silas is doing exactly what I once did to you. You couldn’t forgive me for approaching you with ulterior motives and using you, but what he’s doing is a thousand times worse. Do you just not see it, or are you refusing to?”

He smiles at me sadly and takes a step away. “Just think about what I’ve told you, okay?”

Ryan walks away, and I stare at his back, my thoughts in turmoil. I don’t know what to believe, and I’m scared there’s a thread of truth in Ryan’s words. If he’s right and everything between Silas and me was a lie, where does that leave us?





Chapter Seventy-One





Alanna



Silas wraps his arm around me as I stir the pasta sauce, his lips brushing over my ear. He’s been touching me so much more ever since he called me Ray, almost as though he’s scared I’ll disappear if he doesn’t have his hands on me. It’s oddly reassuring, but it’s also bittersweet.

“You’re quiet today. What’s on your mind?”

He presses a kiss to my shoulder and drags his nose up my neck, kissing me right below my ear.

“It’s nothing,” I murmur, unsure how to bring this up. I’m scared of what his answers will be if I voice the questions I keep within. It’s strange to exist in this space where we both feel like we’re losing each other, neither of us willing to acknowledge everything that’s overshadowing the happiness we fought so hard for.

“Are you sure?”

I turn in his embrace and wrap my arms around his neck. “Si,” I whisper. “How come you used to go to the coffee shop on campus? It’s nowhere near your office or your home.”

He tenses and forces a smile to his face, and my heart sinks. “Someone told me the coffee was really good there.”

I stare at him, part of me wanting to press further, but a cowardly part of me wanting to let it go. “Silas,” I whisper. “Tell me the truth. Why were you coming to the coffee shop every day? Why did you give me the wrong name?”

He cups my cheek and looks at me pleadingly. “Alanna, it really was because Amy told me to go there. I’d been struggling with some work I needed to complete, so she told me to go there and see if being amongst the students would help. When I was younger, I always used to work in coffee shops, so we thought it would help. I attended Astor college myself, so it’s a place I’m familiar with. As for the name, well… do you know how many times I’ve received a coffee cup with Silence written on it? I figured something easier to spell would be better.”

I nod slowly, unsure whether I believe him or not. It could be true, but it’s one hell of a coincidence, and I’m not sure I believe in coincidence anymore.

“Why are you suddenly asking me this, Alanna?” His tone is strained, his expression harsh. He knows. “Did you see Ryan? Is he the one messing with your mind?”

I hesitate. I’ve never been able to lie to Silas. “I did see him. I ran into him during my lunch break yesterday.”

“So you’re now questioning me because of my brother? He’s the one who lied to you from the beginning. He’s the one who approached you with an agenda. All I’ve ever done from the very start was look out for you. I’ve always treated you well, and I’ve given this relationship all I’ve got, so why are you letting Ryan take away all the trust we fought to build? Have I ever done anything to make you doubt me?”

Other than calling me by someone else’s name? “No,” I whisper. “But neither did your brother. If I hadn’t overheard him, I’d never have known I was just a pawn to him. How am I supposed to be sure that it’s different with you?” Especially now. If Ray is that important to him, why is he with me at all?

Silas grabs my shoulders and inhales shakily. “Don’t do this to us, Alanna. I swear to you, I’ve always loved you. I’ve never once had bad intentions when it came to you. Never.”

“Then why did you tell me to break up with Ryan when we met? If you had good intentions, why didn’t you want to see me happy with him?”

“Because I was already in love with you, and you were never supposed to be his. Out of everyone you could’ve gotten with in this whole goddamn world, Ryan is the one person I couldn’t let you be with. Not my brother.”

He looks so sincere, but his words can’t be true. “Silas, how could you possibly have been in love with me? We hadn’t even had a real conversation yet when you told me to break up with Ryan. You say you didn’t approach me with ulterior motives, but your actions say otherwise.”