Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits #4)(105)

He nods as he starts the car. “I know. Our love can withstand more than you could possibly imagine, Alanna. We’ll get through this too.”

I hope so. I’m terrified he’ll end up blaming me for the ruined relationship between Ryan and him. I’m scared Ryan is right, and Silas will eventually tire of me. I’m utterly, entirely, totally, terrified that I’m not enough to make the pain worth it.





Chapter Sixty-Seven





Alanna



“These accounts need to be looked at in more detail,” Jessica says, her expression sour. It’s clear she doesn’t want to speak to me, but she can’t avoid me within our team.

I hate that I’m making her so uncomfortable. Pretending to be unaffected as our colleagues judge us has been an endless battle. They might not say anything in Silas’s presence, but the scathing looks are hard to avoid. The office has been tense lately, each of us doing our job, but without any of the camaraderie that used to exist. Our decision to be together hasn’t just affected Ryan, Silas, and me. It’s also impacted so many people around us.

“I’ve got it,” I tell her, nodding politely. She grimaces as she walks away, almost as though there’s more she wants to say. I’m not sure we’ll ever get past this. Her impression of me has changed entirely, and Josh’s constant snarky remarks about how he’s been right about me all along are only reinforcing her sinking opinion of me.

I straighten my back as I look through the hundreds of social media accounts that have been flagged as suspected foreign interference. Since most companies pride themselves on protecting free speech, removing these becomes our job. We’re tasked with hacking accounts to make users lose access, without the platforms having to pull accounts. The backdoors these social media companies leave us, specifically to help us access their systems, are an open secret. Unfortunately, this is all still tedious work. Remove the wrong account, and you’ll have media articles throwing blame around, and suspicion will fall on us eventually.

I bite down on my lip as I try to work as fast as I can, fueled by a renewed urge to prove myself. It was bad enough when I started, with everyone accusing me of entering the company through Ryan, but it’s undoubtedly worse now.

“Hey.”

I look up to find Silas standing by my desk, the office otherwise deserted. How long have I been working? Normally I’d at least have heard people telling each other goodbye, but not today. Then again, they might just have left quietly. Silas and I managed to lose the respect of every single team member, though some are more vocal about it than others.

“Si,” I whisper. I walk up to him and slide my hands up his chest and around his neck slowly. This is something I could never do before, and I’m enjoying the feeling of truly being Silas’s girlfriend. Though it came at a cost, the freedom we gained will eventually be worth it.

I take in the dark circles underneath his eyes, my heart aching for him. Silas hasn’t been himself ever since Ryan found out about us. He might not say it, but he’s hurting. We both are. Everything Ryan said to him must still be resounding through his mind. I know he never meant to hurt Ryan. Silas isn’t that kind of person.

“Are you okay?”

He looks into my eyes and wraps his arms around my waist. “I’m not sure.”

I nod. “Yeah, me neither. It’s been strange, because I’m so happy with you, but there isn’t a single person that’s happy for us. It makes me wonder if we’re truly doing something unacceptable. How could a love that feels so right be wrong?”

Si shakes his head and cups my face, his gaze intense. “It isn’t. I told you that you and I were inevitable, and I meant it. I don’t regret a single thing when it comes to you, not even the pain I’ve brought my brother.”

“But it still hurts, huh?”

He nods. “I didn’t expect him to respond the way he did. Ryan… I think he may be more embroiled in his mother’s schemes than I realized.”

“Mona?”

“Yeah. I suspect she’s been using him without him even realizing for much longer than I initially thought. Something just doesn’t add up.” I frown in confusion, and Silas shakes his head. “Well, never mind. Just like most things with us, this too is bittersweet.”

“Bittersweet?”

“Yes. The pain we’re causing may be bitter, but underneath it all, at the core of our relationship, sweetness is all I see.” He leans in and brushes his lips over mine, kissing me leisurely, openly. We’ve never been able to do that before. “Sweetness is all I taste,” he whispers against my lips.

I smile, unable to help myself. Yeah, we may be coated in despair, but once that washes away, sweetness is all we’re left with.

“Come on,” Si says. “Let me take you on a date. Everyone who needed to know now knows about us, so there’s nothing left for us to fear. I’m ready to publicly claim you as mine. Do you have any idea how I’ve suffered by not being able to call you mine? I want everyone to know you’re officially no longer single.”

I burst out laughing and shake my head. “I’m not the one who had women bidding thousands of dollars for a single date with me, you know? Are you going to be okay without all the women around you throwing themselves at you? Is your ego going to survive? Maybe your head will shrink to a normal size. Can you imagine?”