Between Hello and Goodbye(46)

“Me neither. Obviously.” She looked up at me, her eyes liquid green and swimming with the same conflict that tormented me. “Let’s just have a good time for Kal, okay?”

I nodded, and she kissed me softly, then took my arm. I helped her down the walk toward the back of the school. She’d tied a knot in the shirt I’d lent her, leaving the front mostly unbuttoned. You’d almost not know it was an improvised outfit.

Morgan would know, I thought as we stepped out onto the school yard. But my little brother’s smart aleck remarks were the least of my worries. Because she’s leaving.

The yard was crowded with booths, games, and picnic tables from the lunch area. A bouncy house was set up on the east side and a mobile petting zoo on the west. Under a brilliant sun, dozens of kids chased each other around, laughing and screeching and cramming popcorn into their mouths. Faith and I made our way to the folding table where school staff were selling tickets for food and games. I bought more tickets than we could possibly need and passed them out to random kids who ran by.

I could feel Faith smiling up at me. “Why do I have the feeling a big donation was made to the school at some point. Anonymously, of course.”

“It’s no big deal and the least I can do,” I said. “Educational funding is abysmal. As usual.”

She didn’t say anything but squeezed my arm, and I liked it too much how she was looking at me. How she smiled at me. I could get used to it. All of it. Waking up with her in my bed, wearing my shirt, taking her to the canyons or the beach or literally any goddamn place she wanted. Men liked to think they conquered women. What a crock. We were the weaker sex, helpless in the face of our lust. Brought down by a look, a whiff of perfume, the hint of a collarbone on a graceful neck…

I wrenched my gaze from Faith as Morgan and Nalani approached, my brother grinning ear to ear, his Nikon D7500 hanging from a strap around his neck. Nalani looked beautiful in a long flowing dress tied at the shoulder.

“Ash! Faith! Glad you could make it!” Morgan boomed and kissed Faith on the cheek. “Look who’s walking. Doing better?”

“Better, but I think I need to sit.”

“Aloha, Faith,” Nalani said. “So good to see you again. Come. You must meet my grandmother, Momi.”

Nalani took possession of Faith and they chatted and walked toward a picnic table not far, while Morgan rocked on his heels, hands in his pockets.

“Shut up,” I muttered.

“I haven’t said anything…yet.” He laughed, but it faded instantly at my dark look. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Where’s Kal?”

“Playing with friends at the jumpy house. And don’t tell me nothing. What’s up? Did you and Faith have a fight?”

“No.”

“It’s worse than that,” Morgan teased gently. “You like her.”

A retort shot to my lips. I swallowed it down. “It doesn’t fucking matter. She’s out of here on Sunday.”

“Well…okay. Have you discussed what comes after Sunday?”

“What’s to discuss? She’s going back to her life in Seattle and I have my life here.”

“Maybe you could work something out. Fly back and forth—”

“How many times?” I demanded. “And to what end? I hate big cities. She hates isolated islands. There’s nowhere for this to go.”

“Yeah, but—”

“But nothing. It’s over. Stupid to get involved in the first place.”

“I disagree. I’ve never seen you this worked up over a woman. You and her together…” He shrugged. “I like it.”

So did I. Which was the entire fucking problem.

“I’m going to say hi to Kal.”

I turned and strode toward the bouncy house that was a big red square with a clown smiling maniacally on the front. Kaleo was one of half a dozen kids being tossed around by the inflated floor and bouncing off the inflated walls.

I care about him, I thought, waving as my nephew caught sight of me. He waved back, a little flurry of his hand. He’s important. Morgan and Nalani and Cap and the guys…my fucking life here is important.

But as I watched Kal bounce up and down, I realized my life had felt about the right size until I got a distress call at Ho’opi’i Falls Trail. Now it was full of empty space. Space I wanted to fill with more.

With her.

I shoved that thought away. If my past had taught me anything, it was that wanting too much was fucking dangerous. Being in control at all times was the only way to stay safe, and around Faith I had no control. My feelings ran rampant. I did things and said shit I wouldn’t normally say. I knew better.

I glanced over my shoulder. Distantly, I made out Faith sitting with Morgan and Nalani and her eighty-two-year-old grandmother in her wheelchair, made frail by arthritis.

You and her together…I like it.

“Fuck me,” I muttered and scrubbed a hand over my face.

“It’s only noon and you’re at a kids’ carnival,” said a soft voice. “How bad can it be?”

I looked to see Chloe Barnes, Kal’s teacher, standing in front of me. Her brown hair was up, and she wore a sundress and a bright smile.

“Oh, hey, Chloe. Sorry. I’m just…thinking out loud.”