Behind Closed Doors(60)

The four of us go upstairs and Jack opens the door to the master bedroom where he sleeps and where, this time, items I have never seen before but which are obviously meant to belong to me—a silk dressing gown, bottles of perfume and some magazines—give the impression that I sleep there too. When Millie shakes her head and tells him that it’s not her bedroom, he shows her one of the guest bedrooms, which is decorated in blue and white.

‘What do you think?’ he asks.

She hesitates. ‘Is pretty, but not yellow.’

He moves on to the room I used to inhabit. ‘What about this one?’

Millie shakes her head. ‘Don’t like green.’

Jack smiles. ‘It’s just as well it’s not your room then.’ Janice joins in the game. ‘Maybe it’s over there,’ she says, pointing to the door further down the landing. Millie runs and opens it and finds a bathroom.

‘Why don’t you try that door?’ suggests Jack, pointing to the door to my box room.

She does as he says. ‘Is horrible.’ She frowns, peering inside. ‘I not like it.’

‘It is horrible, isn’t it?’ I agree.

‘Don’t worry, Millie, I’m only teasing,’ Jack laughs. ‘There’s still one door that you haven’t tried, opposite the master bedroom. Why don’t you have a look in there?’

She runs back down the landing, opens the door and lets out a squeal of delight. By the time we’ve caught up with her, she’s bouncing up and down on the bed, the skirt of her pink dress billowing around her, and she looks so happy that tears well up inside me. I swallow them down quickly, reminding myself of all that is at stake.

‘I think she likes it,’ Jack says, turning to Janice.

‘Who wouldn’t? It’s gorgeous!’

He only gets Millie to leave the room with the promise of lunch. We go downstairs and, on the way to the dining room, where we are to eat, Jack shows Millie and Janice the rest of the house.

‘What in here?’ Millie asks, trying the door to the basement. ‘Why it locked?’

‘It leads to the basement,’ Jack tells her.

‘What the basement?’

‘It’s where I like to keep things,’ he says.

‘Can I see?’

‘Not now.’ He pauses a moment. ‘But, when you come and live with us, I’ll be more than happy to show you.’

It’s hard to carry on, but with his hand hard on my back I don’t have much choice. We eat an informal lunch of cold meats and salads and, while we’re having coffee, Millie asks if she can explore the garden again, so we carry our cups out onto the terrace.

‘I hope you approve of the home we’ve provided for Millie,’ Jack says, pulling out chairs for us to sit on.

‘Definitely.’ Janice nods. ‘I can see why you wanted to wait until the work was finished before Millie saw the house. It really is marvellous. It must have been a huge undertaking.’

‘Well, it wasn’t exactly easy living with building work going on the whole time, but it was worth it, wasn’t it, darling?’

‘Yes,’ I agree. ‘Where are we going to have Millie’s party, outside or in?’

‘I had intended to set it up in the dining room, but it’s such lovely weather perhaps we could have it here on the terrace. That way Millie and the other children can play in the garden.’

‘I didn’t realise you’d invited anyone else,’ Janice exclaims.

‘We wanted to make it a real celebration for Millie and we thought it important that she meets our friends,’ Jack explains. ‘And, although the other children are younger than Millie, I’m hoping they’ll treat her as a big sister.’ He looks at his watch. ‘We invited them for three, so would you mind keeping an eye on Millie while Grace and I get everything ready?’

Janice nods. ‘I’ll go and get her tidied up a bit.’

‘Before you go, I have something for her.’ Jack calls Millie up from the bottom of the garden. ‘Millie, if you go into the sitting room, you’ll find a big box behind one of the chairs. Do you think you could bring it to me?’

She disappears into the house and I try not to worry about what it is he has for her, telling myself that he wouldn’t do anything stupid in front of Janice. Still, I can’t help feeling relieved when Millie opens the box and takes out a yellow satin dress with a full skirt and a wide belt.

‘It’s lovely, Jack,’ I say, hating my gratitude, and, when Millie throws her arms around his neck, I feel the same pang of regret that I always feel whenever I’m reminded of how it could have been.

‘I’m glad you approve.’

Janice looks at me in surprise. ‘You didn’t help him choose it?’

‘No, I’m afraid Jack quite took over the preparations for Millie’s party. But, as you can see, he’s perfectly capable of managing on his own.’

‘Why don’t you take Millie up to her room and get her changed there?’ Jack suggests. ‘Go on, Millie, go with Janice.’

As they leave, he turns to me. ‘She may as well enjoy it while she can—somehow, I don’t think she’s going to like her real bedroom quite as much, do you? Right, time to get the table ready.’