Behind Closed Doors(59)
PAST
That first time, I was ashamed of the way I clung to Jack when he finally came to let me out of the room in the basement. It had been a long, terrible night, made worse by the knowledge that I had helped make it the nightmare it was. Until then, I’d had no real idea what he intended for Millie. I knew that fear would be a part of it, but I had been confident that I would be able to protect her from the worst of it, that she would be able to run to me, that I would be with her at all times. Even though Jack had told me he wanted someone he could hide away, it had never occurred to me that he meant to keep Millie locked up in a terrifying room in the basement so that he could feed off her fear whenever he wanted. To know the extent of his depravation was bad enough, but the fear that he would leave me there to die of dehydation, like Molly did, that I might not get out in time to save Millie, broke me—which was why, when he eventually unlocked the door the next morning, I was almost incoherent with gratitude, promising that I would anything, anything, as long as he didn’t take me down there again.
He took me at my word and turned it into a game. He began setting me tasks he knew I would fail so that he would have an excuse to take me down to the basement. Before I hit him with the bottle, Jack would let me choose the menu for the dinner parties we gave and I would choose dishes that I’d cooked many times before. From then on, he imposed the menu on me and made sure the dishes he chose were as complicated as possible. If the meal wasn’t perfect—if the meat was a little too tough, or the fish a little overcooked—he would take me down to the room once our guests had gone and lock me in overnight. I was a fairly confident cook, but under such pressure I made stupid mistakes, so much so that the dinner where Esther and Rufus had been invited was the first time everything had gone smoothly in five months.
Even when we went to friends’ for dinner, if I said or did anything that displeased Jack—once, I couldn’t finish my dessert—I would get taken down to the basement as soon as we got home. Aware that my fear had a potent effect on him, I would try to remain calm, but, if I did, he would stand on the other side of the door and, his voice hoarse with excitement, tell me to imagine Millie in there, until I begged him to stop.
PRESENT
It’s the day of Millie’s party. Just as I’m beginning to think that Jack is never going to come and let me into the bedroom next door so that I can get ready, I hear him coming up the stairs.
‘Party time!’ he says, throwing open the door. He seems so excited that I wonder what he has up his sleeve. But I can’t afford to worry about it. Although I’m happy with the progress I’ve made over the last two weeks, it’s important that today, of all days, I keep calm.
I go into my old bedroom and open the wardrobe, hoping that Jack will choose something pretty for me to wear in honour of Millie’s birthday. The dress Jack picks out for me was already a little big for me, so when I put it on it highlights how thin I am now. I see Jack frowning, but, as he doesn’t tell me to change out of it, I guess it’s my appearance in general that concerns him. My face, when I look in the mirror, looks gaunt, making my eyes seem enormous.
I put on a little make-up and, when I’m ready, I follow Jack downstairs. He has prepared the lunch we are to have with Millie and Janice, and has had caterers prepare the food for the party this afternoon rather than allow me to make it, as I had wanted. It all looks perfect. He checks the time on his watch and we go into the hall. He types a code into the keypad on the wall and the front gates whir open. Minutes later, we hear the sound of a car approaching. Jack walks to the front door and opens it just as Janice brings her car to a stop.
Janice and Millie get out of the car. Millie rushes towards me wearing a pretty pink dress with a matching ribbon in her hair while Janice follows at a more leisurely pace, looking around her, taking everything in.
‘You look lovely, Millie,’ I tell her, giving her a hug.
‘Love house, Grace!’ she cries, her eyes shining. ‘Is beautiful!’
‘It certainly is, ‘Janice says admiringly, coming up behind her. She shakes Jack’s hand, then mine.
Millie turns to Jack. ‘House beautiful.’
He gives a gracious bow. ‘I’m very glad you like it. Why don’t we go in and I’ll show you around. But perhaps you’d like a drink first. I thought we could have it on the terrace, unless you feel it’s too cold.’
‘The terrace will be lovely,’ says Janice. ‘We should make the most of this gorgeous weather, especially as it’s not going to last.’
We go through the hall, into the kitchen and out onto the terrace, where cans of cold drinks and fruit juices are sitting in ice. The glasses are already on the table; there will be no going back inside to fetch them and leaving me alone with Janice and Millie. With so many people joining us this afternoon, Jack is going to have his work cut out keeping an eye on me.
We sip our drinks and make polite conversation. Millie doesn’t sit still for long; she’s far too excited and goes off to explore the garden. We catch up with her while we’re showing Janice around.
‘Would you like to see your bedroom, Millie?’ Jack asks.
She nods enthusiastically. ‘Yes please, Jack.’
‘I hope you’re going to like it.’
‘I like yellow,’ she says happily.