Before I Let Go (Skyland #1)(29)

Terror like I never felt before coursed through me, and my magic raged, begging for me to let it out. Uncontrollable, angry, scared. “Then why would he go back there? Why would he do this?”

“Because he's trying to save his people. To save you.” Sorin watched me carefully, and I wondered if he could see the magic writhing inside me. “You have no idea what it used to be like. The king may sit on the biggest throne, but it is Queen Kaida who rules. The queen and that fucking son of hers will ruin the whole damn world if we allow them.”

“Can you feel your magic now?”

I turned to face Thalia, and she was staring down at my hands. I followed her gaze and watched as trickles of black smoke left my fingers.

“I can't control it.” I could hear the irritation, the fear in my own voice.

“It's harder to control when your emotions are high.” She moved in front of me and laid her hands against mine. “When you're angry, fearful, or even aroused, your magic will flare inside of you. It is up to you whether you use it or not.”

Sorin moved closer to us, but I didn't pull my hands away from Thalia.

“I'm going to leave you two to it.” The cockiness was gone from his voice, and my anger only spurred my magic on. If this captain of Evren’s guard was so fearful for his prince, his friend, then why didn’t he stop him? Why didn’t he tell his friend that this was the wrong thing to do?

But I didn’t say any of those questions aloud. I held them in and let them twist inside of me with my magic.

Sorin leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Thalia’s forehead, and her eyes fluttered shut before opening again to stare straight ahead at me. Neither one of us watched as he left the courtyard. He simply disappeared, but I was too busy fighting the swarm happening inside of me to care.

Questioning his loyalty, of what they were allowing their prince to do, wouldn’t help me calm the magic inside me or the fear.

“The first thing you should learn is how to use your emotions to control your power.” Thalia lifted her hand and pressed her palm against mine. I jolted back when I felt her power mix with my own. I looked between us, and the most beautiful shade of blue wrapped around my black magic in a caress.

“Why is your… why is your magic blue?”

Thalia cocked her head as she stared down at her magic, and I knew she was thinking about her words carefully. “Everyone's magic has an aura, but most people’s magic those stay inside of them. It is rare for someone's magic to escape them like yours or Evren’s or even mine.” She lifted her fingers and ran them through the smoke between us. “It takes an effort for me to push my magic out of me like this. It’s a strain. But it appears to come from you so naturally.”

“I’ve only used my magic a few times.” I clenched my hands into fists and tried to pull my smoke back into myself, but it didn't listen. “Each time was when I was fearful or angry. I have no idea what my magic is like otherwise.”

“Evren's magic is similar.” Thalia took a step back and pulled the blue smoke back into herself before lifting her hand in a gentle motion and knocking me on my ass.

My breath was knocked from my lungs as I hit the ground, and I looked up at her like she had lost her mind. “What was that for?”

“My magic is controlled from here.” She pressed her hand against her stomach. “I reach deep inside myself, and I can pull the magic I want. I control it, master it, but Evren's is different.”

“What do you mean?”

I dusted off my hands as I sat up and stared at her.

“Evren's magic is more volatile. It's strong, stronger than I've ever seen before, and sometimes hard to control. He is wary of the magic that lies inside of him, and rightfully so. Your magic feels the same to me. The best thing you can do is learn to control it.”

My magic stopped inside of me as if watching her, assessing the words she was saying, and I hated how right she was. I had never experienced this kind of magic before, but everything about my magic felt uncontrollable.

It was as angry as I was.

“Show me how.”





CHAPTER 10





“This is a bad idea.” I pulled on the brand-new pair of boots Thalia had brought to Evren’s room and ran my fingers over the supple leather.

“It's just one night.” Thalia leaned against the wall as she watched me dress. “You’ve been training hard. It will be nice to take a little break.”

She was right. We had been training to the point my muscles felt like they were going to give out, and most nights I felt like doing nothing more than sleeping. But tonight, I had planned on laying down and reading the book she had given me. A book I hadn't even turned a page on yet because she had kept me so busy.

But I couldn’t deny that I did feel stronger both physically and with my magic. Even now just standing here talking to Thalia, I felt more in control of my magic. Whatever Thalia was doing was working, and I was grateful for her because time seemed to be dragging by with every minute that Evren was gone. She knew it too, and she had been doing her best to keep me busy.

But guilt still plagued me as everyone went on with their lives while he was risking his.

“Fine. One night.” I held my finger up in her direction. “One drink, then I'm coming back to my room.”