Beautiful World, Where Are You(79)

Damian took another drag on his cigarette. After a moment he said to Alice: Do you know he’s been avoiding me?

Alice looked at Felix, who was gazing down at his feet, shaking his head.

See, when our mam died, Damian went on, she left us both the house, yeah? Together.

And we agreed we were going to sell it. Are you following me? You’re a smart lady,

I’m sure you are. Anyway, I can’t sell it without his signature on all these documents.

And in the last few weeks, he’s just disappeared. Won’t answer my calls, texts, nothing.

What do you think that’s about?

Alice said quietly that it was none of her business.

You’d think he’d be happy to have a bit money coming his way, Damian added. God knows he’s been short of it often enough.

Anything else you want to rat on me about while you’re here? Felix asked.

Ignoring him, Damian went on thoughtfully: Tom Heffernan gave him an awful lot of money there at one stage. Auld lad who lives in town with his wife. Wonder why that was. What’s the connection, do you know?

Felix was shaking his head again, flicking the end of his cigarette away into the grass, and in the dimming light of the eastern sky his face was flushed.

Look, you seem like a nice girl, Damian remarked. Maybe a bit too nice, yeah? Don’t let him make a fool of you, that’s my advice.

Coolly Alice answered: I wonder what makes you believe I could possibly want life advice from you.

Felix started laughing at that, high wild laughter. Damian said nothing for a moment, smoking slowly. Then he said: You’ve got it all figured out, have you?

Oh, I’d say I’m doing alright, she answered.

In a conciliatory tone now, still grinning, Felix said: Here, Damian. I’ll come over tomorrow morning before work and do that for you. Okay? And you can leave off harassing me. Is that fair enough?

Still looking at Alice, Damian answered: Fine. He dropped his cigarette in the grass.

God help you both, he added. Turning around then, he went back inside. The door clicked shut behind him. Felix stepped out from behind the garage as if to check he was really gone, and then laced his fingers together and placed his hands on the back of his head. She watched him.

Yeah, he said. Damian. We hate each other, by the way, I don’t know if I said that to you before.

You didn’t.

Ah, right. Sorry.

Felix dropped his hands from his head and held them loosely at his side, still looking at the door through which his brother had exited. It was a wooden door with yellow glass panes inset.

We were never great buddies, he added. But the whole thing with Mam getting sick, yeah. I really won’t get into it because I’ll be here all night giving you the details. But anyway, me and him have not been getting on the best in the last few years. If I knew we were going to run into him I would have given you more background.

Still she said nothing. He turned around to look at her, his expression agitated now or unhappy.

I can read, by the way, he said. I don’t know why he went down that line of saying I’m illiterate and all that. I’m not great at reading, but I can read. And I don’t think you really care anyway.

Of course I don’t.

Yeah, he was always better than me in school so I suppose he likes to bring it up in front of people. He’s one of these lads who has to put other people down so he can feel like the big man. Mam used to criticise him on that and he didn’t like it. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Stupid thing is, he actually annoys me. I mean I’m annoyed now.

I’m sorry.

He looked back at her again. Not your fault, he said. You were good. I could have watched you and him have it out for a while, that side was funny to me. That’s the thing about you being so intimidating, it’s enjoyable when you do it to other people.

She dropped her gaze to the ground and said softly: I don’t enjoy it.

Do you not? A small bit, you must.

No, I don’t.

Why do you do it, then? he asked.

Intimidate people? she said. I don’t intend to.

He frowned. But you know the way you act, he said. Putting the fear of God into people. You know what I’m talking about. I’m not having a go at you.

You may find it hard to believe this, she said, but when I meet people, I actually try to be nice.

He let out a yelp of laughter and in response Alice gave a sigh, leaning against the wall, covering her eyes.

Is the idea so amusing? she said.

If you’re trying to be nice, why do you make cutting remarks all the time?

I don’t all the time.

No, but you come out with them when it suits you, he said. I’m not saying you’re a nasty person or anything. Just that people wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of you.

Sharply she replied: Yes, you’ve made that point.

He raised his eyebrows, and for a few seconds was silent. Finally he said mildly: Jesus, I’m getting attacked on all sides this evening. She bowed her head, as if despondent or tired, but made no reply. You’re not the easiest person to get along with, he added, but you know that yourself.

Felix, is it too much to ask that you might stop criticising my personality? she asked. I don’t want you to flatter me. You really don’t have to say anything about me at all. I just don’t find the negative feedback useful.

He watched her uncertainly for a few seconds. Alright, he said. I’m not trying to upset you.