Beautiful World, Where Are You(53)

Before she had reached the corner of the street, the door of Paula’s house opened up again and Simon came out onto the front step. Without closing the door behind him, he called out: Hey, are you leaving? Eileen turned around. Between them the street was empty and dark, the curved hoods of parked cars reflecting the streetlights dimly. Yeah, she said. He stood there for a moment just looking at her, maybe frowning. Well, can I walk you home? he asked. She shrugged. Wait there for a second, he said. He went back

inside and she stood with her hands in her pockets, elbows out, staring down at the cracked pavement surface. When he re-emerged and closed the door behind him, the sound echoed against the walls of the terrace opposite. Bending down, he unlocked his bicycle from the railing of Paula’s front yard, and then put his bike lock and key into the canvas bag he had brought with him. She stood watching him. Straightening up again, he wheeled his bike over to where she was standing. Hey, he said. Is everything okay?

She nodded her head. You left kind of abruptly, he said. I was looking for you.

You couldn’t have been looking for very long, she said. It’s an extremely small house.

He gave a kind of puzzled smile. No, well, you hadn’t been gone for very long, he said.

You’re only about fifty feet from the door.

Eileen started walking again and Simon went along with her, his bike clicking quietly between them.

I thought it was nice of Leanne to try and introduce us earlier, he said.

Yes, I noticed she got a hug. I didn’t even get a handshake.

He laughed. I know, I really behaved myself, didn’t I? he said. But I think she got the idea.

Tonelessly, Eileen said: Did she.

Looking down at her now, he was frowning again. Well, I didn’t want to embarrass you, he answered. What do you think I should have said? Oh, Eileen and I don’t need to be introduced. Actually, we’re lovers.

And are we? she asked.

Hm. I suppose that’s one of those words nobody uses anymore.

They reached the corner of the street and took a left to leave the estate and walk back toward the main road. Above them, narrow trees planted at intervals along the footpath, in full leaf. Eileen’s hands were still in her pockets. She cleared her throat, and then said aloud: Your friends were just telling me how great this person Caroline is. The girl you’re seeing. They all seem very fond of her, she’s obviously made a big impression.

Simon was looking at Eileen as she spoke, but she was staring fixedly at the pavement ahead. Right, he said.

I didn’t realise you’d introduced her to everyone.

Not everyone, he said. She’s come out for drinks with us a couple of times, that’s all.

Almost inaudibly Eileen murmured: Jesus.

For a time neither of them spoke again. Finally he said: I did tell you I’d been seeing someone.

Am I the only one of your friends who hasn’t met her? she asked.

I know how this sounds, but I really have been trying to do everything right. It’s just—

You know, it’s not the most straightforward situation.

Eileen let out a harsh laugh. Yeah, it must be tough, she said. You can’t fuck everyone, right? Or you can, but things eventually get awkward.

Simon seemed to consider this. After a moment he said: Look, I understand you’re feeling upset, but I’m not sure if you’re being completely fair.

I’m not upset, she answered.

His eyes moved over the street ahead of them. Seconds went by in silence while they walked, cars passing beside them on the road. Finally he said: You know, when I asked you out in February, you told me you just wanted to be friends. You never – and I’m not trying to be accusatory, I’m just giving you my perspective – you never showed any interest in me at all until I told you I was seeing someone else. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong on that.

Eileen’s head was bent forward, showing the long line of her neck over the collar of her jacket, her eyes on the pavement. She said nothing.

He went on: And when you did find out I was seeing someone, you decided you wanted to flirt with me and call me on the phone at night, okay, and then you want to come over when I’m in bed and we mess around or whatever, that’s fine, I don’t mind. As far as I can see, I’ve been very clear with you, there is someone else, but it’s not exclusive, so if you want to sleep over in my apartment there’s no problem. I’m not pressuring you to make any decisions about where we stand with each other, I’m happy to just spend time together and see how things go. From everything you said, I assumed that’s what you wanted. And it’s been really nice, for me at least. I completely understand why it’s awkward for you to hear our friends talking about someone else I’m seeing, but it’s not like you didn’t know she existed.

While he spoke Eileen lifted her hand to her face, pushing her hair back roughly off her forehead, tension visible in her shoulders, in her neck, in the sharp almost jerking movements of her fingers. Jesus, she repeated. How Christian of you.

What does that mean? he asked.

With a laugh that sounded almost frightened she said: I can’t believe I’ve been such a fool.

They had stopped walking, outside the entrance to a block of flats, beneath a streetlight.

He was looking at her with concern. No, he said. You haven’t been a fool. And I’m sorry I’ve upset you. It’s the last thing I wanted to do, believe me. I haven’t even seen Caroline this week. If I gave you the impression that I’d broken things off with her after last weekend, I’m really sorry.