Baking Me Crazy (Donner Bakery, #1)(44)

Today, I'd be the fucking thermostat if it killed me.

It wasn't even that she was wrong because I knew Levi didn't judge my chicken legs. It was that she couldn't understand that it was about what was in my head and not what anyone else thought.

"There," she said, standing up from the bed. "Looks good. Want me to help you get dressed?"

"No, thanks."

Her sigh was heavy, like I'd managed to offend her because I didn't accept her offer, and hoo boy, I let that slide in one ear and riiiiight out of the other.

"I manage just fine every day, Mom. I have for years."

"Just trying to make things easier on you, Jocelyn," she said, words crisp and cold. "It's my job. I can't really turn it off."

I didn't say anything until she was facing me. Nero sat up, his head moving back and forth between her and me. A small whine came out as if he knew she was upsetting me, and it made him uncomfortable.

"I know, Mom." What I wanted to say was that her babying me, treating me like I wasn't capable, only made things hard in the long run. But that would only trigger the same conversation we'd had forty-seven thousand times in the past seven years. "Thank you for offering."

Oh, look at that! I didn't even choke on the words. I was the best freaking thermostat ever.

She nodded, not meeting my eyes. "I'd try that black shirt. The one with the lace sleeves and the boat neck. Lots of mascara. It'll make your eyes pop."

My smile was tentative. "Good idea."

It was a good date shirt.

She smiled back and left me to finish getting ready.

I almost wish she'd stayed, so she could watch me. That was the thing she didn't realize. The system I had down, the way I shifted from chair to bed to pull up my pants, or how easily I could reach the things I needed in my closet, it was something I didn't even have to think about anymore.

I leaned toward the mirror, mouth open because who could put on mascara without their mouth open, and I made a few choppy swipes on my lashes. Then a few more.

It was so rare for me to wear makeup that even the thick black coat of liquid over a tiny row of curled hair made me stare at my reflection.

The inky black shirt with delicate lace stretched across my chest left my collarbones exposed because of how my hair was braided back off my face.

I felt like I was watching someone else as I swept a little blush over my cheekbones and then did one more coat of mascara after the first had dried. My mom was right. My eyes popped bright in my face, even if my nerves were obvious.

All day, I'd convinced myself that this was a pity date. That he was merely being kind to his friend and letting me have this experience without the pressure that would come from sitting across from a stranger. It was Levi. Anything I'd felt in my head between Levi and me over the past week was just that … in my head.

As I leaned down and lifted my foot so I could push it into the nude kitten heels that I never wore, I took a brief, selfish moment and imagined that it wasn't a pity date. That I was making all this effort for a man who would pick me up, tell me I looked beautiful, and feel the same fluttery, flittery things hopping around in my stomach. By the time I had the other foot in the other shoe, and I slid the soles of the heels carefully back onto my footplate, making sure that my ankles were straight, I let the moment go.

"That's enough," I whispered to myself as I sat up and stared at my reflection.

I heard my mom talking to someone, and Nero perked up at the sound of Levi's deep voice, whining immediately to be let out of my bedroom. His entire backside was wiggling as I leaned past him to pull the door open. He was off like a shot, which made me laugh.

My dog couldn't pretend this someone was new either.

I came down the hallway, a strange something curling up in the base of my tummy. Apparently, my traitorous body hadn't gotten the memo that fluttery, flitteries needed to go away because when I came around the corner and saw him crouched on the ground, scratching the sides of Nero's neck, they exploded dangerously, sweeping up my chest in a hot rush.

Levi's eyes landed on me, and he stood slowly.

I might have laughed at the fact that he was, to my mom's horror, wearing dark jeans with his bright blue dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up his forearms, but I was too busy watching my best friend look at me like he'd never seen me. His golden eyes were bright and happy, his hair styled neatly and jaw shaved clean.

"You look …” He shook his head slowly. "Jocelyn, you look beautiful."

Words. I needed words, but someone had tossed a bucket of sand in my mouth, and it took me a second to unstick my tongue. "Thanks."

His eyes twinkled, and I shook my head because that ass could see right through me. He knew I was nervous; he knew I was struggling to figure out how the hell I was supposed to act.

"Shall we?"

I nodded, grabbing my purse off the end table by the front door. As I passed Nero, I scratched him on the top of the head.

My mom poked her head out of the kitchen. "Have fun. Don't be out too late."

In my head, I rolled my eyes because I was twenty-one, not sixteen, and she'd never once worried about how late I was out, especially since she'd be leaving for the hospital soon anyway. Levi smiled at her, dimple deep and ridiculous, and even my mom wasn't immune.