Baking Me Crazy (Donner Bakery, #1)(38)

"Talk to me," she pleaded.

In the breath before I opened my eyes, I felt her hand spread over my face, her thumb brushing slightly against a drop of water on my cheek.

"Jocelyn," I said, opening my eyes, which landed unerringly on her sweet, sweet mouth. It wasn't smiling now.

"Uh-oh," she replied, her tone teasing even if her face didn't show it. "The only time you use my full name is when I'm in trouble."

I pressed my hand over hers on my face, mainly because I didn't want her to pull away. Not yet.

I'd chased a lot of things in my life, but without a doubt, she was the most important. The thing I wanted more than any of the other things I could've possibly achieved. How did I tell her that in a way that didn't sound completely terrifying?

"You're not in trouble," I promised.

Those lips curled up slightly. "Okay."

Risking the chance, because she was close and the mood felt right, I pulled her palm off my face and brought it to my mouth and pressed a kiss against her warm skin.

She sucked in a surprised breath when my lips lingered just slightly. Her fingers curled up in reaction, but she didn't yank her hand from my grasp.

Her skin was salty from the heat, warm from the sun, and against my mouth, it felt like perfection. Slowly, she pulled it back when I was done.

We froze there, her and I, waiting for the other person to make the next move.

Then Joss blinked.

Moment over. I had to fight not to blow out a harsh puff of air as she glided backward into the water.

"I'm getting a little hungry," she said as she reached the edge of the pool. "Any snacks in that bag of yours?"

"Uh, yeah." I swiped a hand over my face. "There are some chips at the bottom. And those gas station brownies that you pretend to hate but really love."

Her responding groan of happiness had me chuckling.

"You're the best," she told me, grinning over her shoulder before she hoisted herself out of the pool.

Normally, I loved it when she said that.

So why did it suddenly feel like it wasn't enough?

Because you can never go back, the insidious thought whispered in the back of my head. I hated that voice. But I knew it wasn't wrong, and that was the scariest part of all.





Chapter 13





Jocelyn





"You imagined things."

If any voices lived in my head, they were not answering me. Nobody to tell me that, in the pool, I'd almost kissed my best friend.

"It was all in your head, Jocelyn," I tried again.

Nero raised his head from his massive paws and tilted it to the side. His ears, standing like sentinels on either side of his head, twitched restlessly when I groaned. My torture was enough that he stood from where he lay next to my chair and stretched his back, raising his rump into the air.

Absently, I ran my hand along his sleek back when he set his muzzle on my lap.

"Can't you tell me that I imagined things?" I asked him.

Nero whined, pushing his face into my hand when I scratched the top of his snout.

"No, I know you can't."

We were out on the deck in my backyard where I was supposed to be throwing the ball to him. It was cooler today, a sweet breeze coming off the mountains and dropping the temps to something more manageable.

Yesterday hadn't been manageable. It had been hot.

Too hot, I thought miserably, then dropped my head into my hand.

Since when did I spend a quiet ride with Levi, rinse off in the shower, then lay on my bed dissecting every single frame, like I was threading film through an old-school camera?

I saw it all, each little picture building up to me watching him swim, approaching him in the pool because something about his actions didn't look like him.

It was this alternate version of my smiling friend, the one who floated (no pun intended) through life with annoying ease. There had been an edge to him, something sharp and new, but not unpleasant.

When I hit the part where my hand cupped his face, then I became the one on edge. The one who noticed the hard line of his jaw. The fact that his lower lip was fuller than his top lip. That his lashes, wet and spiky, were tipped in gold. The line that bisected his ab muscles into tiny, tight squares underneath his skin. The line of hair that disappeared underneath the water.

That Joss, the one who laid in her bed thinking about it, was twitchy and restless. Unfulfilled. Left wanting something that I wasn't sure I could think too deeply about. Not yet.

"Nero," I said, smiling when he lifted his head and stared at me. "I think I'm going crazy."

He shook his head, snuffing out air, which made me laugh.

"It's the only explanation," I continued. "It was probably stupid to think that I could be friends with someone who looks like Levi and not imagine him naked at some point. Which I'm not doing," I rushed. "Or … I don't know."

My dog, who was completely used to hearing me ramble as all good dogs are accustomed to from their owners, sat patiently and kept those golden eyes trained on me.

"It's probably just repressed sexual tension. Not like, between him and I, per se." I tapped my hand on my armrest as I tugged on the most convenient thread currently unraveling in my brain. "But in me, you know? Like my faucet was broken, and no water was coming out of the pipes. But boom, you put in a new valve, and all of a sudden, you've got a flooded bathroom."