Baby Come Back(28)

As I neared my mother’s car, I saw that he had a bouquet of roses in his hand.

“Gina,” he said, approaching me cautiously. “I know that you have no reason, no reason at all to talk to me or even trust me, but I had to come here. I had to tell you how sorry I am for everything that I did.”

“You really shouldn’t have bothered, Nick. I hope you didn’t waste a trip just for that.”

I unlocked the car and tossed my books onto the front seat.

“Gina, please. Please at least hear me out. I need to tell you that you were right about everything. That f*cking cocaine ruled and ruined my life. That was my fault though. I had a choice. I did not make the right one. I didn’t realize what a monster I had become until the reality finally sunk in. It took me losing you and my job to realize that I had hit rock bottom. I went to rehab, Gina. I just got out. Part of the 12-step program requires that I make amends to those that I hurt. You are at the top of that list.”

“So what does that mean, Nick?”

“It means that I am here before you, as a flawed human being that recognizes that I have an illness. Because I didn’t seek treatment for that illness, I hurt myself, but most importantly, I hurt the one person that I love so very much. I hurt you, Gina. I am asking for your forgiveness; maybe not today, but perhaps someday?”

Part of me had wanted to tell Nick to go f*ck himself. I mean, he had reduced me to nothing. But the other part of me had not wanted to believe that his sick treatment of me over those few months was the ‘real’ Nick. How could I possibly have been wrong about him for all of those years that I had crushed on him?

“Nick,” I had said, “I will do my best to forgive you. I know that eventually, I will. But I truly hope that you will stay clean now; not for me, but for yourself.”

“Thank you, Gina. You don’t know how much this means that you will forgive me. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I will promise you to take one day at a time in my recovery. That is all anyone can do.”

“I am glad to hear that Nick. Now, I’ve really got to get Mom’s car back home to her.”

“Sure,” he said, “Oh here, these flowers are just a small token of my appreciation for your compassion.”

I took the bouquet from him, thanking him as I got into the car.

“Gina - there is one thing you could do to help me; I mean if it isn’t too much trouble?”

“What’s that, Nick?”

“I am going to be staying with my parents for the next couple of weeks. I attend either NA or AA meetings twice a week. I will do this for the rest of my life. I just thought if, well if maybe you had a free evening on Tuesday or Thursday over the next couple of weeks, you might come to one to see how well I am doing. I have my first one tomorrow night in Hoboken. I will be introducing myself and telling my story. No pressure. If you decide to come, it is at 7:30 p.m. at Central Methodist Church. I hope to see you there.”

With that, Nick had taken off on foot, leaving me there to stare after him feeling guilty.

I had allowed Nick’s visit to torment me for the better part of a day and a half. I had finally decided that I would go to Central Methodist the evening of his meeting; I had wanted to hear what he had to say. I had slipped in to the church auditorium quietly and taken a seat in the back. Several minutes later the meeting started with reciting the Serenity Prayer.

I had spotted Nick sitting in the front row. There were a couple of other people in the same row. I had figured they were newbies. I had been right.

The first order of business was to allow anyone new to get up and tell their story. Nick had been the second one up to the podium. I had watched as he went to the podium and adjusted the microphone to accommodate his height.

“Hello, my name is Nicholas Camerucci and I’m a cocaine addict.”

Everyone in the crowd had clapped at his disclosure and then greeted him with a thundering “Hello Nick.”

I had scrunched down in my seat for fear he would look out amongst the crowd and see me sitting in the back. I had wanted to hear what he said without him knowing I was present.

Nick had stood at the microphone and told his story to the room full of strangers.

“A year ago, I had everything. I had a great job at a casino in Atlantic City, my own apartment, and best of all, the love of my life, my girl next door had moved to Atlantic City to be with me. We had been together for more than two years. I was her first, and truth be known, she was mine, though being a dude, you never, ever admit that to a chick.”

There was some laughter in the audience at that one. I had been frankly surprised at his admission. Though we had never discussed it, I had simply presumed that because Nick was older, an athlete and very popular at school, he had gotten his share of tail.

“I guess I had too much wealth hit me all at once; I mean I spent a year in college that totally was a drag. I wanted to make money now; I wanted my girl with me. I wanted all those things without paying my dues. I was all about ‘instant gratification.’ Working at the casino, I was making more money that I ever thought imaginable. I took shifts for other people; the tips were awesome and I was addicted to making my paycheck increase each week. I competed with myself. The problem was, working all those shift for others required that I be on my game, pardon the pun.”

A few more chuckles rippled through those in attendance.