A Ladder to the Sky(50)

You remained silent for a long time, eventually conceding with a sigh. ‘Perhaps you’re right. Sorry, Edith. I shouldn’t be such a prick. None of this is your fault.’

‘You don’t have to apologize,’ I replied.

‘I do, actually. Here we are in this nice flat. You’re the one working, earning the money and writing at the same time, and I sit here doing nothing but complaining. I’ll try to be better, I promise.’

‘Well,’ I said, with a smile. ‘That would be nice. You could start by painting the bedroom. The colour in there gives me a headache.’

‘All right.’

‘And fixing the railing on the staircase up to the flat would be helpful. Have you noticed how shaky it is?’

‘Or I could read those scripts,’ you suggested, nodding at the pile on the coffee table. ‘And write up some notes for you?’

‘Why would I want you to do that?’ I asked.

‘So you don’t have to read them yourself. I assume they’re all rubbish.’

‘They’re not, actually. And they’re my students’ work. They’re relying on me to come to class prepared. I have to read them; otherwise how could I possibly advise them?’

‘It was just a suggestion,’ you said. ‘How is your book coming along, anyway? Are you getting much done?’

‘I think it’s going quite well,’ I said.

‘How far along are you now?’

‘Close to the end of this draft.’

‘And how many more lie ahead?’

‘One? Maybe two at most?’

‘And then I’ll get to read it?’

‘Not till it’s published, sorry.’

You scowled. I knew you didn’t like that I refused to share my work with you in advance, but I had explained why many times. I respected your opinion, of course I did, but I loved you too and I didn’t want a novel to come between us. If you thought it was awful, after all, you might not tell me. And if you thought it was good, then I might find your praise insincere.

‘So how long?’ you asked. ‘Before you turn it in, I mean?’

‘Four or five months, I’d say.’

‘Well, I won’t push you on it,’ you said, standing up and coming over, raising my chin with your index finger and kissing me gently on the lips but holding the kiss for a long time, so long that I felt the need to pull away before you suffocated me.

A few days later, during class, there was a tap on the door, and when it opened I was surprised to see my brother-in-law Robert standing there with an apologetic smile on his face. The students turned to look at him, displeased by the interruption, and for some reason I found myself blushing.

‘Sorry, Edith,’ he said. ‘Am I disturbing you?’

‘Well, we’re in the middle of class.’

‘Could I just have a quick word?’

I stepped out into the corridor, feeling a little flustered as I closed the door behind me. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked. ‘Is it Rebecca? The boys?’

‘No, no,’ he said quickly. ‘No, it’s nothing like that. Everyone’s fine. I just needed to speak to you, that’s all.’

I stared at him, feeling a mixture of pity and irritation. ‘Well, I can’t right now,’ I told him, nodding back in the direction of the workshop. ‘We’ve only just started.’

‘That’s all right, I can wait.’

I nodded and gave him directions to the graduate students’ bar, saying that I’d meet him there at five, and later, when I arrived, I was glad to see that he’d chosen a table in the corner where we could talk quietly.

‘So, how are you, anyway?’ I asked.

‘Miserable. And you?’

‘Tolerable.’

‘And Maurice?’

‘He’s fine. He’s been incredibly supportive of me coming here. I couldn’t have done this without his help, to be honest.’

‘That doesn’t surprise me,’ said Robert. ‘I’ve always envied you the—’

‘The what?’ I asked, uncertain how that sentence was going to end.

‘Well, the love that you share. It’s obvious to everyone how good you are together.’

I felt incredibly touched by this remark and, to my surprise, felt tears form behind my eyes.

‘I assume you’re here to talk about Rebecca,’ I said, looking up again at last.

‘Yes. Have you talked to her lately?’

‘Not much,’ I admitted. ‘I went over to see her shortly before we left for Norwich but I haven’t heard from her since then.’

‘So you’ve met Arjan, then?’

‘Well, he was there,’ I said. ‘So, yes.’

‘What did you think?’

I glanced across the room to the tables where my students were drinking and laughing and, as much as I loved Robert, I longed to be in their company, talking about writing, rather than sitting here, caught up in a family drama.

‘He seems friendly enough,’ I said. ‘It does feel a bit soon for her to be shacked up with someone else, of course, but he was quite pleasant, I thought. I’m sorry, I know you probably want me to say something else but—’