A Brush with Love(87)

She was pathetic.

Taking a deep breath, she lifted her fist to knock, but the door swung open before she could make contact. It took Harper a few moments to process what she saw.

Dan blinked at her in surprise, and she returned the look. Two cardboard moving boxes were stacked in his arms, leaning against his chest. She stared at those boxes until her vision blurred into nothing but that jarring brown.

“Is … Is Alex moving?” Harper heard herself ask, her brain functioning in slow motion.

“What are you doing here?” Dan said, his voice flat.

Harper blinked up at him. That was the question, wasn’t it? She didn’t even have an answer. Harper still felt a sharp and keen sense of shame at his suggestion that she needed help. She felt betrayed by him for turning it around on her. But Thu’s words had burrowed into her brain. You accommodate the people you like into your life.

And she liked Dan. He was her best friend. And she’d said nasty, terrible things to him. She felt too much shame and other messy emotions to even think about going back to where they’d been, but she didn’t want to lose him entirely.

“Thu told me I should probably come see you,” Harper said, still unable to process what was happening.

“Oh. Thu.” Dan nodded once, looking away from Harper. After a moment, he blew out a breath and set the boxes down. He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. He wasn’t going to let her in.

“Is your head okay?” he asked.

No. I think my head is about to explode from confusion because what the fuck is happening here?

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Harper said, staring down at those boxes. “What’s going on?”

“I’m moving,” Dan said with a bored wave toward the evidence. She’d never seen him be this cold before. His stiff posture, the stern line of his mouth, the disinterested way he looked at her—all of it pierced through her skin like a thousand blunted needles.

“Where?” she managed to get out, looking up at him. He didn’t quite meet her gaze.

“New York, actually,” he said, dragging a hand through his hair then down his face. He looked tired.

“New York? But what about…” What about everything? What about school? What about your mom? What about me? What about us?

“Yeah, well, I…” He paused, sucking in a deep breath then fixing her with a hard stare. “You were right, it’s time for me to stop with the bullshit.”

Harper blinked at him, the sharp prick of tears starting behind her eyes, pressure building in her throat.

“What about your mom and the practice?” she managed to ask with an even voice.

“It’s really none of your business,” he said.

She deserved that. But it still hurt like hell.

Dan looked away from her, shaking his head. “I talked with my mom,” he said, staring down at the boxes. “We’ve … I don’t know, come to an understanding, I guess.”

“An understanding of what?”

“That there’s nothing here for me,” he said, his green eyes flashing up to pierce into hers.

Harper didn’t know what to say. She wanted to cry. She wanted to take back every cruel word she’d said to him, all the ugly parts of herself she’d exposed him to. She suddenly realized how much she wanted to be his reason to stay.

“Nothing?” she pressed out.

“My mom has decided to sell the practice. With everything…” With you … The unspoken words hung between them. “I realized it’s time for me to stop pretending. To stop walking around in a life that isn’t meant for me.”

“But—but…” Harper wasn’t sure what she even wanted to say. He stared at her the entire time she searched for words, his cool gaze trapping every protest in her throat. It felt like nothing short of rejection. He was leaving. She was being left. It was exactly what she’d asked for.

“What are you going to do in New York?” she heard herself ask.

“I begged for my old job back,” he said.

“And you got it?” she asked incredulously.

Dan let out a humorless laugh. “No. But I was always on good terms with my boss. He was surprisingly understanding. He gave me a position that’s about ten steps down from the level I’d been at, but a job is a job, and it’s something I actually want to do.”

Harper nodded weakly, every muscle in her body going numb. She didn’t know how to process any of this. “And you have a place to live?”

“I’m renting a room for a bit and then moving into an apartment at the start of the month.”

“When do you leave?”

“As soon as I finish loading up the truck,” Dan said, scrubbing his knuckles along his jaw. “Which is taking longer than I thought. Alex is supposed to be helping but he keeps stopping, saying he needs to ‘process his feelings.’”

“Wow,” Harper managed to say, sucking in her lips and nodding quickly. She felt the urge to flee.

At the same time, she wanted to tell him.

Holy shit, did she want to tell him. Tell him she knew she’d fucked up. She knew she was fucked up.

But fear gripped her, the inevitability of rejection paralyzing her. Because, really, who could love someone like her?