A Brush with Love(91)

It was wonderful.

Except for when it wasn’t. Harper probably had one drink too many as she sat at the table, zoning out of whatever wild story Lizzie was telling to make everyone laugh.

She missed Dan.

She missed him so fucking much.

As if her longing had spanned the miles that separated them, her phone buzzed, a text with his name on it lighting up her screen.

She blinked, not believing it was actually there.

With shaking fingers, she slid her thumb across the screen and opened the message. It took her a minute to read it, going temporarily blind from a few unshed tears that threatened to fall.

Happy graduation! I’m so proud of you.



The tears started slipping then. He was thinking of her. He was proud of her. It was as though he’d reached through her phone and caressed her cheek. She wasn’t sure what to say, her fingers hovering over the keys for so long her phone screen went black. Finally, she sent a simple:

Thank you! I can’t believe it finally happened.



But it had been so long since she’d heard from him. So many days of desperately wanting to talk to him. And she’d had just enough alcohol that she typed out a second, dangerous message:

I miss you.



And then, to seal her fate of going there, she sent one more.

I wish I hadn’t pushed you to leave.

I never wanted you to leave.



Harper watched the read receipt pop up under the message and the little texting bubble bounce in and out of the screen, holding her breath the entire time. It disappeared for a full minute and Harper let out a breath. He wasn’t going to respond.

A call popped up on her phone, Dan’s smiling picture taunting her to answer. Her eyes went wide with panic and she let out a little yelp of surprise. She declined the call so fast she almost broke her thumb, then tossed her phone between Thu and Lizzie. She’d been drinking, yes, but she hadn’t been drinking enough for that.

“What the hell was that for?” Lizzie asked with a laugh, taking a minute to dig the phone out of the crack between the seats. She looked down at the screen, and whatever she saw made her eyes bulge out of her head. She turned the phone so Indira and Thu could see it. They all looked at each other for a long moment, then whipped their faces to Harper.

“What’s this?” Thu said, snatching up the phone and holding it in front of Harper’s face like it was a murder weapon.

“What’s what?” Harper said, taking a long pull from her drink.

“Harper Hannah Horowitz, DMD, don’t you dare play dumb with us,” Indira said. “Why do you have a voice mail from Dan?”

Harper’s stomach dropped. Of course, he left a message. She was so scared of what he’d say. She didn’t want to hear him admit she’d drove him away. She didn’t want confirmation that she was too much to handle. That she couldn’t send texts like that.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harper said, looking over the balcony at the city lights.

“Have you and Dan been in contact?” Indira said, grabbing Harper’s cheeks and forcing their eyes to meet.

“He texted me congratulations,” Harper admitted through her squished cheeks. “And I may have said I missed him. A lot. But then he called and I panicked.”

“Jesus Christ, Harper, could you be more annoying?” Thu said.

“What?”

“No, seriously. Can you? Because you’ve been walking around with your heart outside of your chest over this boy for months, and he finally reaches out and you don’t pick up the damn phone?”

“He’s probably calling to say how he’s still mad at me! Or he’s glad he left me,” Harper said, pulling her face from Indira’s hands. “I’d deserve it if he did. And maybe I’m still mad at him for everything that happened. I don’t want to listen to that message.”

“No,” Thu said, fixing Harper with a hard stare.

“What?”

“No, you don’t get to be a scared little chicken anymore. You’re going to listen to this message right now or so help me God, I will tie you to that chair and make you listen to it.”

“Why are you so violent?” Harper said. Thu gave her a bored look.

Defeat and curiosity getting the better of her, Harper took her phone, clicking open the voice mail. She chewed at her nails as she waited for it to start.

“Hi, Harper. It’s Dan.” She wanted to melt at the sound of his voice, drown in it. She closed her eyes, tears already slipping down her cheeks.

“I know—well, obviously you don’t want to hear from me, and I get that, I guess. But I want to tell you something. Actually, there are a million things I want to tell you. An hour doesn’t go by without something reminding me of you, making me reach for the phone to call you.” He took a deep breath. “I know you don’t want a relationship with me. I won’t try to change your mind.”

Was that what she still wanted? Because the past three months had been so unbearably painful, she kicked herself daily for being an idiot.

“But I hope you know,” Dan continued as Harper’s thoughts swirled and the emotions built in her chest. “I didn’t leave because of you. I’ve never wanted to leave you. I left because I had to. I was playing pretend at someone I was never meant to be. But what you need to know…” Harper sucked in a breath, nearly choking on a sob. She heard Dan take a deep breath too, and she wanted to lean her ear against his chest, hear the air filling his lungs.