You Only Love Twice (Masters and Mercenaries #8)(63)

“Because I can still feel Jamie. It’s like he’s still here with me.” She could feel his arms around her, sense him close. It had almost gone away, but if she concentrated hard enough, she just knew she could get it back.

“If he is, it’s because you won’t let him go. I don’t know what happens when we die, but I know Jamie wouldn’t want you to hold him here. And he probably couldn’t leave until he knew you were safe. You’re safe with Murdoch. Let him rest, Phoebe.”

It wasn’t the only reason she couldn’t be with Jesse. “Do you think some people are just cursed? Like nothing can really go right for them.”

She heard him moving and then his arms came around her. For so long the only people she had any kind of affectionate contact with had been Jamie and Ten.

“I think some people are too stubborn to see what’s right in front of them. My mother dumped me in a trash bin. She meant for me to die. I should have died. From what I understand, I was dead when they did find me. It was just luck, you know. Some bum was poking around, looking for food. He found me and I was blue. Most bums would have run to get help or maybe just run. Not this one. No, he was a former Army medic down on his luck. He held me in his arms and did CPR. He brought me back and wrapped me in his coat and walked two miles to the police station. How random is it that a f*cking former Army medic just happened to fall on hard times and just happened to pick that trash bin at exactly the right time? You know how Franklin found me?”

When she thought about how close Ten had come to not existing, to being nothing more than a baby no one wanted, her heart clenched. She covered his hands with hers. “I thought you won a sharp-shooting contest.”

“Hell, I didn’t have the money to enter a damn thing. I had a foster dad who taught me how to shoot. He was a good man. I was with him for a long time before he got cancer and had to let me go. I snuck in. I stole one of the entrant’s badges. I don’t even really know why I did except I wanted to remember what it felt like to be with him. They figured out I hadn’t paid after I won and they were calling the cops on me.”

“And that’s when Franklin showed up, right?”

“Nah, that’s when Jamie distracted them long enough for me to run.” Ten laughed. “I ran right into Dad. I remember him looking down at me and saying a boy who could shoot like that didn’t have to run from anything. Two days later, I was living with him, going to a prep school. It seemed random, coincidental. Maybe it was. Maybe it could have gone another way, but it didn’t and that’s how I found my family. I just can’t accept after everything we went through that none of us gets to be happy. You have a shot with Murdoch. Jamie would want you to take it.”

“I was happy. I was happy when it was you and me and Jamie, and accepting anything less seems wrong.” But it wasn’t less, she realized suddenly. What she had with Jesse wasn’t less. It was different. It was special. “I could love him. I just can’t let myself. I would be living a lie. How would Jesse feel if he woke up one day and realized I had lied to him about my part in his capture?”

“You made a command decision. I honestly think he’ll understand. What he won’t understand is why you didn’t trust him enough to tell him.” His arms tightened around her. “I’m leaving you here, sister, and that’s an order. When Murdoch goes to Dubai, you’re going with him.”

“And after the op is over?”

“I’ll tackle that problem when it comes, but you should know I won’t be able to send you back to Virginia alone. If you make that choice, then I’ll go, too.”

“You’re already based in Virginia.”

“No, Phoebe. If you go back, I’ll quit the Agency. I’ll do it because my main job in life will be to watch over you, to protect you—even from yourself.” She felt him lay a brotherly kiss on her cheek before letting go. “Hell, maybe we can open a brother/sister detective agency. That oughta be good for a laugh. You think about what I said. I’m going to help Tag and Murdoch, and by help I mean I’m going to help myself to their Scotch because it’s already been an excruciatingly long day.”

She heard him step away and the door closed. She looked out into the distance. After a long moment she closed her eyes and tried to bring up that picture of Jamie that was always right there.

All she could see was Jesse. She feared she’d traded one ghost for another because Jesse seemed as far from her as Jamie was.





CHAPTER ELEVEN





Jesse stared at the files in front of him. He’d been staring for so damn long the words were starting to blend together. It felt like he’d been looking at them for hours. He glanced up at the clock. Yeah. It had been hours. Hours and he still wasn’t any closer.

Every man on Ten’s team was remarkable in some way. Ace could fly anything with wings. Boomer was a sniper of extraordinary talent. Deke had forgotten more about explosives than most people knew. Hutch was a hacker to rival Adam and Chelsea, while Bear was a mechanical genius. Michael Malone had an IQ off the charts, and the two younger Taggarts were already taking after their older brothers and showing great leadership skills.

Unfortunately, not a single one of the files had a red flag on it that said “also turned into a traitor by crazy freak.” He knew he should discount most of the team and simply look at the ones who had been taken for periods of time, but he had to consider everything.