You Only Love Twice (Masters and Mercenaries #8)(51)

“Just hold on to Jesse.” Charlotte was suddenly at her side. “I promise it won’t hurt. It’s like a really nice massage. Try to let your mind drift. Hear the rhythm of the floggers moving and let go. Jesse will catch you. He won’t let anything happen to you.”

Phoebe turned to Charlotte. “I thought you were hoping to watch me squirm.”

“Only in a good way. Phoebe, if I hadn’t challenged you, you would have stayed out there in the audience all night. You needed a push and I gave it to you. Trust me, I know how to deal with stubborn women who need a swift kick in the ass from time to time. I’m Chelsea’s sister after all.” She got serious for a moment. “I think you need this every bit as much as she did. Women like you, like us, we need to be able to let go from time to time. We need to know we have a safe place.”

“I had one once.”

“I know and you can have another one.” Charlotte reached up and smoothed back her hair, a gesture that made Phoebe wish she’d had an older sister.

“Why are you being nice to me?” It didn’t really make sense when she thought about it.

“Because you’re my friend.”

“I lied to you.”

“Oh, honey, we all do things we probably shouldn’t. We do them for our jobs. We do them to survive. We do them because we love someone. When the chips were down, you picked him and that’s all I need to know. I hope that you’re smart enough to pick yourself when the chips are down the next time.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I think walking away from Jesse would be an act of sacrifice you don’t need to make. When you have to decide between him and your job, between him and your first husband—and somewhere in your slightly f*cked-up head that’s happening—choose what will make you happy. Choose a future, not the past. Choose us because guess what, we come with him in all our glory and that includes a head of the family who likes to flog people. I also chose you because you won’t use this time to try to get my husband to cheat on me.” She turned suddenly, pointing a finger at a blonde girl who shrank back. “That’s right. I’m talking about you. I hear everything and I will murder you if you touch him.” When she turned back to Phoebe, she had a hand on her belly, rubbing it thoughtfully. “After the baby. I’m not actually allowed to murder anyone while I’m pregnant.” She leaned in. “And that girl back there didn’t actually touch him. She just mentioned to someone that Ian was probably sexually frustrated because his wife is a whale and she offered to take care of him.”

“I’m not pregnant. I could murder her.” She hated mean girls. Loathed them. It was one of the great things about the McKay-Taggart women. They supported each other. They were kind to each other even though they could be deeply sarcastic about it.

“See, you fit right in now.” Charlotte nodded toward the stage. “They’re ready. And don’t worry about Ian. He’ll take care of you. You don’t know it yet, but you are one of us.”

It was a sweet thought, but she certainly hadn’t earned it. She stepped up to the stairs, deeply aware of the crowd around her. She turned to her right and there was a woman in a corset smiling at her with encouragement. She was a bigger girl, very likely considered overweight in the outside world, but here she was beautiful. Here, she was accepted.

It suddenly occurred to her that Ian Taggart hadn’t liked the outside world very much. They were alike in that thinking. But while she’d simply put up walls to keep it out, Ian had done something about it. He’d created his own world and invited people in. He’d built a place where he felt comfortable and in doing so made others comfortable with themselves.

He’d built something lovely.

Jesse stood at the edge of the stage, his hand out to help her up. God, she loved how big his hands were, how callused they were. His hands were solid. They were hands that had worked, hands that protected. She slid hers into his and immediately felt stronger. “Think about this for a moment, Phoebe. You know he can’t flog you in that corset.”

Naked. She would have to be naked from the waist up, of course, though no one had to see her except Jesse. She turned and looked at the crowd. They weren’t all gorgeous. Many were normal and yet there was such beauty in their acceptance of themselves and others. “Can you help me out of it? I had to find Avery to help cinch me in.”

Now Avery was watching from the sidelines with Li. She gave Phoebe a thumbs-up.

Even with Ten and Jamie, she’d been a little apart because she was the only woman. They could love her, but they would never understand what it meant to be her. Charlotte and Avery understood, and that somehow made it easy to decide to shed her armor. And hey, the corset hadn’t covered much anyway.

Jesse’s lips quirked up in a crazy, sexy smile. “Really?”

A confidence like she’d never felt before poured through her. “Yeah, really.”

He would like her. He would praise her and it would be okay.

“Come here.” His voice went deep, his stance suddenly very straight and proud. It made his shoulders even wider, his chest and abs stand out. Not that they needed much help. He was wearing nothing over them but a leather vest that seemed to showcase just how often the boy worked out. His muscles were perfectly cut and she suddenly had the deepest desire to touch them. “You belong to me tonight. In this place and for this one night, you’re mine.”