You Only Love Twice (Masters and Mercenaries #8)(48)

“It’s hard to talk about,” she admitted. “My husband and I were very young. We just kind of went with the flow, if you know what I mean.”

“I take this seriously. I take you seriously, and that means I can’t go with the flow. The flow often leads to misunderstandings, and I don’t want that. Tonight, I’m in charge. You’re going to obey me or we go upstairs and we play games for the rest of the night. I’m willing to be patient with you.”

“I don’t know that we have time for patience.” She shook her head. “I’ve thought about this for days. I want to explore this with you. I read the contract. I’m actually quite good at following orders. I also understand that I should have a safe word.”

He could make that easy on her. “Tonight your safe word is no. You tell me to stop and I do. You see something that flips a trigger and we sit down and talk about it. I’m in charge, but my main goal is to see that you’re safe and happy. That’s all I want for you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

Her hand found his again. It seemed easier for her every time she took it. “You’re a good man, Jesse Murdoch.”

“I’m glad you think so. I know I’m not as strong as the other guys.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. You are the strongest man I’ve met and I won’t hear anything else. And that’s a…what do you call it…a hard limit for me. I think you’re wonderful and I won’t hear you say anything differently.” She bit her bottom lip and her eyes narrowed. “Hey, do I get to spank you when you talk bad about yourself?”

“I am a really good man. Strong. I’m so strong.” A light happiness filled him. Doms could learn things, too.

She finished her drink and slid off the barstool, holding out her hand. “Show me around?”

He pushed his glass away and entangled his hand in hers. “Sure.”

He wanted to show her everything. If they had so little time, he was going to make the most of it.



The only time her hands stopped shaking were when they were in Jesse’s. Phoebe stood close to him and watched as Jacob Dean used a paddle on his wife’s backside. She gasped with every smack, but there was no way to miss how Serena’s skin flushed and her eyes dilated in what looked like pure pleasure.

Adam Miles stood to the side, watching indulgently. There was a plush robe in his hands, ready for Serena when she was through with her scene.

Jesse stepped aside, allowing a woman to move through the crowd. It put him behind her. She couldn’t see him. Just as she was about to turn and move to be close to him again, his arm wrapped around her from behind, pulling her against his body.

Safe. She was safe again. She let her head rest back on his chest.

The last several days had been a mixture of heaven and hell. Heaven was waking up to find herself in his arms, snuggled close and warm. Hell was realizing that her brain hadn’t even tried to fool her. She’d known it was Jesse who held her so close. Years of dreaming of Jamie, of holding on to that moment right as she woke up when she could fool herself that he was still with her, that her nightly visits with him were real, and a couple of days close to Jesse had erased them.

Guilt seemed to be her best friend. Grief had taken that role for so long that the guilt was almost a welcome change. Grief gave her no reprieve. Guilt would flee for a while. It gave her moments where she forgot to feel bad. She’d spent whole days with Jesse, cooking and talking and playing games, and it would only hit her at certain moments. She would be laughing and getting close to him because her body seemed magnetized when he was around. She would find herself reaching for him or turning her face up to his, their mouths so close together. That was when guilt came back with a vengeance.

“Do you see how careful he is with her?” Jesse whispered, his breath warm against her ear. “It sounds like he’s really giving it to her hard, but he’s actually going easy on her. He spreads out the smacks, giving her time to rest before he goes at it again. It’s all about sensitizing her skin, flooding her system with arousal.”

His voice was getting her aroused. He’d been explaining scenes to her, but not in an academic way. Jesse talked about feelings and what the Dom was trying to achieve. They’d watched several scenes and Jesse had explained how the implements of “torture” were really there for the submissive’s pleasure.

The one time he’d spanked her, she’d had the orgasm of a lifetime shortly afterward. Could she shove her guilt aside long enough to try again? This time it wouldn’t end in the building being invaded. This time she would make sure Jesse got something out of it, too.

She just wasn’t sure what. She’d never taken the lead when it came to sex. She’d just been happy to please Jamie and get a little something in return. Jamie’s arms around her had seemed like the best thing in the world, the only feeling she needed out of sex.

Damn but she wanted that fire Jesse had introduced her to. She craved it, and being close to the man who had given it to her had just made things worse. She might have been able to forget it if he wasn’t always there, always tempting her by taking his shirt off and smiling that insanely gorgeous smile of his.

“Ah, I think they’re done,” Jesse whispered. “They’ll be in a privacy room before you can blink.”