Wild Horses (Sadie's Montana #1)(40)

“We cleaned the box stall and put down three wheelbarrow loads of sawdust,” Anna chirped proudly.

“I’m so glad. Did you really? Someone had to work hard to clean that box stall.”

“We did!” Reuben announced triumphantly. “Me and Anna!”

Sadie laughed, her throat swelling with emotion. Her dear, dear family.

Mam stepped up then, took Sadie’s hand, and asked her how much of the accident she remembered. Sadie shook her head and lowered her eyes from Mam’s gaze. Her hand grabbed the sheet, pleating it over and over.

“Do you remember being picked up at our house? With Ezra?” she asked, very gently.

Sadie was puzzled.

“Well, he … took me to a singing once.”

“Yes. But do you remember this time—the second time?”

Sadie shook her head, her brow furrowed as she tried to remember. Then she shook her head again.

“Well, we need to tell you if you feel strong enough to hear everything. Do you?”

Sadie nodded.

With Dat leading, her family pieced the story together, like sewing scraps of fabric for a quilt. They told her about the ride, the unexplained slide down the side of the steep embankment, the long wait when she did not come home, the hours of agony for her parents. They knew she had gone to the singing with Ezra, but she never returned that night. When daylight arrived, they hired a driver and went to Amish homes asking questions. No, they had not been to the hymn-singing. No, Ezra’s horse and buggy were not at home.

They found Ezra’s parents in the same state of anxiety. They searched the roads between homes. Word spread fast and more men came to help. The local police were contacted—English people coming to help.

Then, they found Captain. He was hurt and bleeding, and his harness was partially torn. There were parts of the shafts, too. It was worse then, in those hours when they knew there had been an accident, but they still hadn’t found the buggy.

Jesse Troyer found it first. The buggy was in pieces, smashed on the overhanging rocks. Ezra was nearby.

“Life had fled,” Dat said quietly.

“What do you mean, ‘life had fled’?” Sadie asked, bewildered.

“Ezra is gone. He was killed. The autopsy showed his neck was snapped. They think he died instantly and didn’t suffer.”

“But … but … how could he die? It wasn’t that far down the cliff, was it?”

“Oh, it was, Sadie! We’ve been back to the site, and it was only the hand of God that kept you alive. You were in that snow for almost 20 hours. You were, Sadie,” Mam said, the fear and agony of those hours threading through her words.

Ezra gone. He died. But how could he?

She would have dated him. Married him. She and Ezra and Captain and Nevaeh would have lived together in a new log home, the home of Ezra’s dreams. He already owned a large tract of timber on Timmon’s Ridge, and he had spoken of his dreams to her. He may have told her in an off-hand manner, but still, he couldn’t have made solid plans that included her without knowing how she felt in her heart. Towards him. About being his wife.

Great walls of black guilt washed over Sadie. She lifted agonized eyes to Mam.

“I would have married him, Mam! I would have. I was planning on dating him. That night. I would have. And now he is dead, and he never knew that. I would have come to love him. God would have provided that love for me,” she said, sobs shaking Sadie’s battered body.

Then Dat spoke, his roughened carpenter’s hands gently, clumsily, stroking her hair.

“But, Sadie, you must come to understand. The love you would have had with Ezra is only a drop compared to the love of our Himmlischer Vater im Himmel. We mortals will never fully grasp a love that great, joyous, and all-consuming. Ezra will be much, much, better off in his heavenly home than he could ever hope to be here, even if it meant having the love of his life.

“Marriage here on earth is good, and every mortal longs for that certain person to share his life, but it is only peanuts compared to the love of God. Remember that, Sadie. Ezra is in a much better place now, and you can be thankful he enjoyed those last few buggy rides with you. I’m sure he passed on a happy person because of it.”

Sadie nodded, silent.

“Don’t carry any guilt, please. God’s ways are not our ways, and his thoughts so high above ours that we can’t figure these things out. You still have a purpose here on earth.”

“Yes, Dat. I do understand that. I do.”

Rebekah stepped forward.

“You’ve been sleeping a long time, Sadie.”

“How long?”

“Four days.”

“What?”

Rebekah nodded.

Sadie slowly shook her head.

“Then… Ezra… the funeral…”

“Yes, he is buried in the new cemetery beneath the trees. It was a large funeral. There were many vans and buses from out of state. It’s very sad. His family is struggling to accept this. They want to say ‘Thy will be done,’ but it’s very hard to do that for one who died at such a young age.”

“It had to be sad.”

“It was, Sadie. I’m almost glad you weren’t there.”

The remainder of the visit went by as a blur, Sadie only half-listening, struggling to remember.