Wicked Heart (Starcrossed #3)(77)
As I try to calm down, he stands there, guilt and regret filling his eyes. When he steps forward, I step back. He puts his hands out like he’s trying to placate a wild animal.
“When I was offered Rageheart,” he says, patiently, “the producers told me I had to agree to their bullshit fauxmance or lose the job. I wanted to tell them to shove it, but I needed that movie to get Mom and Dad out of debt. After all the lawsuits, they were drowning. Anthony assured me this sort of thing happens all the time and would be over before I knew it, so I agreed.” He looks at the ground. “I couldn’t tell you. The nondisclosure contract was brutal. Plus, I was ashamed. I’d sold out in the biggest way possible, and I knew it.”
“That’s a piece-of-shit excuse, Liam! You loved me and I loved you. We could have made it work.”
His shoulders fall. “No, we couldn’t. Can you truly say you would have been happy sneaking around behind the scenes while I pretended Angel was the love of my life? You would have felt like a dirty secret. And after a while, you would have resented me for it.”
“So, instead, you decided to rip my heart out? Use my worst fear against me?”
He swallows and drops his head. “I knew signing that contract meant hurting you, and losing you, but my parents had been struggling for years. It was starting to take a toll on my dad’s health. And the families of those who died in the accident were struggling, too. I felt like I owed them, for Jamie’s sake. In some sick way, I thought the good outweighed the bad. I knew you and I would be miserable, but I also knew that a lot of other people would get the help they needed.”
I scrub my hand over my face. “God, Liam—”
“That’s why I stopped calling you. I tried to prepare myself for what was coming. Angel and I were tipped off that a photographer was following us, so we played our part. I didn’t warn you because . . . well, I thought maybe a clean break would be easier for both of us.”
“Easier?” I laugh at that. “You told me you loved me! Why would you do that when you knew you couldn’t be with me?”
“I didn’t know then. They told me about the contract the day after I called you, and . . . when I heard, I felt sick. Even after I’d made up my mind to sign it, I fooled myself into believing our separation would only be temporary. That when it was all over, I could beg your forgiveness, and we’d get another shot. But then, one movie turned into two, and two into four. The whole thing with Angel turned into this massive publicity gold mine, and no matter how miserable she and I were with the arrangement, the producers wouldn’t even discuss breaking the contract. They convinced us the franchise would die if we broke up before the final movie. Everyone who worked on those films had become like our family. If our actions shut it all down, then it would be like the construction accident, all over again. I couldn’t live with the guilt of jeopardizing any more livelihoods. Ruining more lives. So we kept going. Then this play came along, but they only wanted us as a package deal. We both wanted to do it, so our purgatory continued.”
I think about the hundreds of photographs of Liam and Angel over the years. In cafés. On vacations. Movie premieres. Music festivals. I can imagine how their fans will feel when they find out it’s all a sham. It’s how I’m feeling right now. Duped. Betrayed. More than a little stupid.
“I believed you two were in love,” I say, trying to keep calm. “The way you looked at her. Held her. Kissed her . . .” My voice breaks and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying.
“Liss, I’m sorry. Our public displays were no different from any other performance, except we improvised the lines. I did my job, and I did it well. None of it was real. How could it be?” He walks over to me slowly. “I’ve never stopped loving you. From the day we met, you’ve been the only one for me. There’s never been anyone else.”
I cross my arms over my chest. There’s an ache in there that’s pushing against my rib cage. A mixture of incredulity and disappointment. But there’s also that little spark of hope that’s been smothered for so long, it can’t decide whether this new information is going to kill it, or shock it back to life.
Liam watches me, and those remarkable eyes are filled with such pain, I have to look away. “Liss . . .” He goes to touch me, but I pull back.
I shake my head. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Any of it.” Tears are falling now. It would hurt too much to try and stop them.
I cross to the other side of the room and stare at the bookcase. He doesn’t follow, but when I look back at him, his eyes are wet, too.
“I wanted to tell you the truth so many times over the years, but what would be the point? Even if I did, I couldn’t be with you. Not with my life how it is. Every damn day I witness what Angel goes through because people think she’s with me. The hate. The bullying. The constant scrutiny and criticism. It eats at her, Liss, even though she’s been dealing with that kind of crap since she was a kid. How could I possibly drag you into all that? I loved you too much to even consider it.”
“Then why say those things yesterday? Why give me hope that we could be together?”
“Because even though it’s selfish as hell to want you in my insane life, I finally realized that by trying to spare you, I’ve damned you to be just as miserable as I am.”