Wicked Heart (Starcrossed #3)(72)

Despite the cold rain drenching every inch of skin, warm hope blossoms in my stomach—followed closely by a sick sense of dread. Now he wants me? He’s had years to do this and he hasn’t. I can’t help feeling like I’m an excuse to escape all the things in his life that aren’t working.

“Liam, you’re dealing with a lot of stuff right now. Rehearsals, a TV show, your wedding. Not to mention the anniversary of your brother’s death. Then, to top it all off, you have paps stalking your every move. I understand that you’re feeling . . . fragile . . . or whatever, and I’m here to support you however I can, but this—?”

“You think I’m saying this because I’m . . . what, stressed? Having some sort of breakdown? Jesus, Liss, no.”

“I think if you truly couldn’t live without me, you’d have found that out years ago, and yet this is the first I’m hearing of it.” I try to keep the bitterness out of my tone, but I can’t. “I heard nothing from you, Liam. Not a text, or e-mail. Not a goddamn word.”

“You don’t know the whole story, and I can’t tell you everything now. But can you honestly say you don’t want more after that kiss? Because I sure as hell can’t.”

I let out a short, sarcastic laugh. “This is insane!” I don’t realize how much panic has leaked into my voice until I see the hurt on his face.

He doesn’t let go of my hands, but his grip loosens. “Why are you fighting this? I thought this is what you wanted. Me. Us.”

I want to say I don’t, because that’s the less scary option, but I can’t. Of course this is what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted. But it doesn’t feel real. Or right. I’m used to wanting Liam, but having him is another matter. Even now, despite all his declarations, I don’t see how it’s possible. It’s like we’re at opposite ends of a maze, and he’s saying he can see the exit while I’m still staring at a dead end.

I watch water run down his chest, and clench my jaw against the hopelessness I feel.

He cups my face with both hands and forces me to look up at him. “Liss, the night you went dress shopping with Angel, you sobbed in my arms because I was marrying someone else, and that slayed me. I didn’t realize how much my actions have hurt you, and every day I stay with Angel, I hurt you more. I can’t keep doing it. I won’t.”

“Liam, you’re talking about turning your whole world upside down.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should. Angel—”

“Will be better off without me. She might not see it like that at first, but eventually she will. She deserves someone who can love her as much as I lo—”

I put my hand over his mouth. “Don’t say it. Please.”

He kisses my palm before pulling my hand away. “It’s true. Why not say it?”

“Because if you do, I’m going to do things I’ll regret, and I’m trying to be the voice of reason here.” I wipe water o my face and sigh. “Please don’t make this decision now. Not in the heat of the moment. Go home. Cool off. Then, tomorrow, if you haven’t changed your mind—”

He steps forward. “I’m not going to change my mind. That would imply being with you is a choice. It’s not. I’ve tried to forget about you. To stay away from you. Every single time, I’ve failed. You know that. Fighting what I feel for you is exhausting, and I can’t do it anymore. But the big question is, do you want this?” He takes my hand and weaves his fingers through mine, and the hope on his face melts me. “After all this time, and everything I’ve done . . . do you still want me?”

I look at our hands. “It would be so messy.”

“I know. But if we can finally be together, it would be worth it.”

I look up into his eyes. “Yeah. It would.” He smiles, and even though the rain is still drenching us, I feel like I’m standing in full sun.

I smile back at him, then shake my head at how sappy I must look. “You still need to sleep on it. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

He leans down and gives me a soft, slow kiss. “I have some things to work out on my end, but this is going to happen. Trust me.”

I pull away, and even though I’m trying like hell to not get my hopes up, the way he’s smiling at me is making that impossible.

I pick up my bag and swing it over my shoulder. “I’m heading home. If you figure out how to look Angel in the eye tomorrow after everything that’s just happened, let me know. I’ll be the one neck-deep in a shame spiral.”

I’m almost at the end of the alley when he says, “Liss?” I turn to face him and see that, though the rain has slowed, his hair is still dripping onto his face. “No matter what happens, don’t feel guilty about this. I initiated it. Blame me, not yourself.”

I shake my head. “It takes two people to kiss like that, Liam. I’m as guilty as you.” I turn away from him and trudge to the subway station. My guilt churns through me all the way home.

Later, when I crawl into bed, I dream about a future in which Liam is mine—mind, body, heart, and soul. Even with a troubled conscience, they’re the most beautiful dreams I’ve ever had.





FIFTEEN


SCANDALOUS