War Bride (Battle Born #7)(34)
“Wasn’t she worried about the safety of her son?”
Skyla’s vehemence pleased him, but he couldn’t allow the misconception to soften what really happened. “Don’t blame her. The fault was mine. I should have done a better job of balancing my interests. My relationship with Jiatta was just as important as keeping Arton safe, but I focused entirely on Arton.”
Compassion warmed Skyla’s gaze as she shook her head. “It’s never that cut and dry.”
“Perhaps.” He wanted his past laid to rest, so he hurried on with his story. “We fell into a sad routine. It was as if we were going through the motions of life rather than actually living. She was cold and distant and I didn’t know how to reignite the fire we had once felt for each other.”
“Did you want to reignite the fire?”
“Of course. She was my morautu. I wanted what we’d been promised, a love to last a lifetime.”
Her lashes swept down, shadowing her gaze. “Apparently it takes more than genetic compatibility to make that happen.”
“I agree. It takes conscious effort and determination to make any relationship last. After mating fever burned itself out, neither of us were willing to do the work.”
Silence fell hard and heavy. Tension still pulsed between them, yet neither knew what to say. The story wasn’t finished. He just couldn’t bring himself to reveal the rest, to confess the worst of his failings. They looked out at the ocean, then at each other again. If they couldn’t get beyond this barrier, there was no hope for them.
After a long pause, she asked, “Was Jiatta still alive when the harbingers came for Arton?”
He never spoke about those horrible events, tried very hard not to think about them. But Skyla needed to know. She needed to understand the darkness still lingering inside his soul. “I wasn’t there when they came for Arton, but Jiatta was. We were living in a modest cottage on a secluded island in an effort to elude the harbingers. I still don’t know how they found us, but they killed the guards before Jiatta even realized there was a problem. They forced their way into the house and Jiatta tried to fight them, tried desperately to protect our son. They beat her bloody and left her there on the floor as they took off with Arton.”
Suddenly Skyla was pressed against his chest and her arms wrapped around his body. “I’m so sorry this happened to your family. I can only imagine the pain you must have felt.”
Stunned by her reaction, he just held her for a moment, savoring the unexpected warmth. But the story still wasn’t over. The most important part remained. “Jiatta blamed me for what happened.” He stroked Skyla’s hair as he spoke, comforting himself with the softness. “Her indifference turned to hate and her outbursts became more violent until I had no choice but to leave. That’s why she was alone with her bodyguard when one of my enemies came looking for me.”
“Oh dear gods.” Skyla hugged him even tighter. “Tonn told me that’s how she died.”
He nodded, hoping she’d feel it even though she didn’t raise her head off his chest. “I checked on her the following day because no one at her villa was answering my coms. That’s when I found her body. It wasn’t a clean kill. They’d tortured her before they let her die.” He felt Skyla shudder, so he didn’t elaborate. What more was there to say?
“I know you tracked down the men who did it. Tonn told me that too.” She finally looked at him, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. “And I know you blame yourself for her death.”
“I blame myself for all of it. How could I not? I failed my son and I failed my mate. What right do I have to claim another female when I couldn’t protect the one I had?” He pushed her away and grasped the railing, preventing her from hugging him again. “I didn’t tell you this to earn your pity. I wanted you to understand why I’ve been so conflicted. I hid behind your preconceptions so I didn’t have to face how desperately I want this to be real.”
“Do you still want this to be real?”
He snapped his head around and looked into her eyes, confused by the tenderness in her tone. “I’m not worthy of a mate, regardless of how much I want one.”
“That’s not your decision to make.” A soft smile curved her lips and desire smoldered in her vivid blue eyes. “Unless I misunderstand Rodyte custom, the male stakes his claim and the female either accepts or rejects him.”
“You understand Rodyte custom.” The implications of her statement nearly paralyzed his mind. She’d already rejected him repeatedly. Why was she bringing it up now?
“So explain the rest to me. How would life work for a Rodyte general and his Bilarrian morautu? You’re respected and clearly affluent.” She motioned to the oceanfront mansion surrounding them. “Would claiming me put your career in jeopardy?”
“No,” he insisted. “My personal life is my own. My supervisors have nothing to say about it.”
“But it’s likely you would be passed over for promotions and many would criticize your irrational behavior. Unless things are significantly different here than they are on Bilarri.”
He inclined his head, acknowledging her point as valid. “There are many who would disapprove, but I don’t care. I’m the head of my family and there are very few with the authority to dictate my actions.”