Vindicate (Insight #5)(49)

“I do,” she said as her eyes glistened with accomplishment. “Blind obedience is hard to overcome…I wish you the best of luck with that.”

“And if you were me – just how would you go about doing that?” I asked as I tried to grasp her point of view.

She stared at me for a moment or two without expression, then she leaned forward. “Ask a lot of questions…”

“I can ask questions . Not a problem. I already do that and only get answers that are later proven wrong – or worse, I begin to fight or fear something that is l a ter proven to be insignificant.” I glanced up at the gray sky. “My soul wants to free this dimension from the darkness that has encased it for eternity . I almost wish you could see me – see the dreams Lan den and I have for this place. What we know it could be.”

“How long have you been here?” she asked.

“This is not my home. My home is Chara.”

“How long have you been in Chara?” she asked, sighing with frustration.

“The end of August.”

“Three months. Before August, did you conceive that our home was the only world? Would you have believed in the string –other dimensions?”

“I think I would have . I helped images my entire life that led m e to other parts of the world. Other dimensions.”

“And if you were ‘normal,’ would you believe in this place?” I didn’t answer her. “Do you still help images?” she asked.

I le t out a frustrated breath. Did her and August have a conference about me or something? Seriously, he would love this girl. “No. The last one to come was Stella.”

“Don’t you find that odd? That you stopped helping people the moment you found Landen?”

Here we go again. “I started helping people in front of me. I t’s not my fault they stopped coming.”

“Is it not? Did you close that door – to focus on Landen and Drake?”

“Whatever,” I mumbled; trying not to believe that was true.

“Whatever. Real mature. Look, you may have learned a lot in the last few months, but y ou forgot what you already knew. I don’t think it’s a farfetched idea for you to realize that this world may be an illusion. A t the very least a distraction . A distraction from the core of the prob lem – that, I believe, lies in The Realm.”

“Right, so show me how to get there so I can ‘fix’ it, then move on.”

“Move on to what?” she asked curiously.

“Peace. Calm. Home. Chara.”

“So you have chosen to put a Band-Aid on this world, then go home and what – plant a garden – have a few kids and grow old?”

“Sounds nice.” Really nice. Add in a few blank canvases and I’d be set.

“Not to me,” she said smugly.

“If you commit to fight – you will always fight. From what I’m told, your thoughts lead your future,” I countered.

“I’m not choosing to fight. I’m choosing to be a lifelong student . To dive deeper and deeper into consciousness . To r emove the veil before my eyes. Find truth in my existence.”

“And how do you plan to do that alone? Do you plan to chase this ambition without anyone at your side?”

“Whoever wa nts to be at my side is welcome. I will not stop Charlie, the others, or even you from coming with me, but I will not be complacent – wrap myself in the idea that my life will end if my heart is broken. I will not broadcast my weakness.”

Oh, I was weak now. I see. Twirl your ring, Willow, I told myself. “I’ve never broadcasted anything . From day one, I was placed between Landen and Drake. Told to choose. Told that I must face all of these trials. With only the hope that in the end there would b e peace. Not only for me, but my family, this world.”

She took in a deep breath. “Do you realize that we have been waiti ng on you for over a year now. That Austin had been trying to catch up with Landen and tell him about the damned we saved – the whispers that torment our thoughts? Charlie almost went to Montana. Went to find you and Landen, but she held back because she didn’t wa nt to rain on your fairy tale. A few weeks ago, we went to Chara – I felt Landen’s grief the moment we stepped into that vision – felt the lost confusion of everyone there. I thought to myself , ‘They will never come for us. They will never come because they are spinning in place…they have been captured by t he darkness that is chasing us.’”

“I did come for you.”

“When you neede d something. When you had no choice.”

Maybe I should tell her that I argued until I was blue in the face that she existed. No, that probably would not help Drake’s case. “The re is a reason for everything. A reason Austin never found a way to talk to Landen. You can’t blame me for not looking for someone that I didn’t know needed me.”

“You blocked us, and there is no telling who else you’ve blocked . Power of attraction . You di dn’t want to find anyone. You wanted to stay at home and grow old,” she said shortly.

She really wanted to fight with me. Didn’t she. “Excuse me ?! You ’re blaming me for what ? Not ‘attracting’ you to me?”

“Yeah. I am . Do you even know what the power of attraction is? It’s the idea that we bring what we want into our lives though our emotions – our thoughts – you were not seeking us because you were not thinking of anyone beyond your family. I f you w ere asking ‘why’ from day one you would be further than you are . Maybe even with less heartache . With more people fighting on your side.”