Vindicate (Insight #5)(47)
She looked down, hiding that emotion from me. “Charlie help ed an image – it warned her of Escorts, of Bianca. We thought we were ready for her. Thought we would fight her in our reality the way all girls fight – with words and wit – but she took him to The Realm . He was tested on the night h e first played that song live. I n that test, he had a choice to either fall back into the numb absence of pain The Realm has – or step forward and face all the deeds he had done in this life and every life before.”
“He’s here . So I guess I know what choice he made,” I said, telling her I was hanging on to her every word.
“Yup. That album cover – that is what Charlie – all of us witnessed. We thought that it was over, that at this point we just needed to find a way to save the damned, but life is never simple. Draven has not been the same. He has always had an edge to his personality. That self-loathing bite to his temper that all creative artists have, but it’s more defined now. He and Charlie are fighting with each other more. He doesn’t think he deserves her – deserves to be fighting at our side.”
“Is it because of that other guy? The one he thinks will kill him if he hurts her?”
Her stare told me yes. “Yup. Silas. And if Draven isn’t careful – he will drive her right into his arms.”
“Did that world do something to him? Did that test do something to him?”
Madison leaned back on her arms and gazed at me for a moment – obviously finding trust for me. “Some might think stepping forward and facing your deeds is an easy thing to do . Something you do once, and your debt is paid, but it’s not. Draven has memories of all of those lives he le d. A ll of the evil in his past . One word can spark a memory – an emotion . He has to make the choice to face his deeds every moment of his life … Charlie has to make him focus on this life. The way he feels with her right now to stop him from spiraling out of control.”
“You think Landen and Drake will be ‘tested’? That they will have to face the choices they made in past lives?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know . None of us do. I think that test is onl y for those bred by that evil, but all of us are different . The more time we spend there, the more – the more – I don’t know how to say it – we perceive life differently . We don’t fear death or feel that an y choice we make is permanent. Who we bring hom e for you may not be the same. I t just depe nds on what was done to them. What past they were shown.”
“I don’t think either of them led an evil past life. A t least not by choice,” I said, defending both Landen and Drake.
She smirked. “Have you ever said something and regretted it – hurt someone with words or choices – felt the guilty agony?”
“All the time,” I said, firmly holding back the urge to bring up Drake again.
“They didn’t have to be evil to have bad deeds. They just had to be human. That world amplifies those memories in its victims. I t does that to draw out the energy of all those that come there.”
“And what regrets have you faced . How altered is your perception now?” I asked, wondering if that world had managed to place a divide between her and Drake before they ever had the chance to meet.
She raised one eyebrow as a sly smile came across her face. “Listen, I’m a Scorpio . I think deep, and my th oughts make no sense sometimes. They just create more questions.”
“Well, so am I,” I said, encouraging her to tell me what was mustering in her mind.
“Alright,” she said, stretching her legs out in front of her. “How do you know this is reality? How do you know that this world – this place – you – me – Landen is nothing more than a projection of your thoughts? How do you know that everything you are fighting is not in some way – you? What is it that makes something evil? Something good? How do you know that talking to me right now or breathing in a certain direction has not somehow caused a chain reaction and caused some kind of natural disaster? Are you really making a difference in this place – or are you just a hamster spinning in a wheel – looking like a fool to the heavens above? What is truth? What is a lie? What you believe today – will you believe it tomorrow? How powerful are your thoughts, really? Your dreams? Is there a heaven ? A hell? How is it that some suffer and some are blessed? Why am I wide-awake and aware of all the energy around me, and others shift through mundane lives waiting for death – just to find some kind of escape? Why is it human nature to find a fight – to find a common enemy? Why is peace so seemingly boring?”
My eyes rushed over her face, trying to recall the absurd amount of questions she asked – trying to find an explanation or comment that would justify any of them.
Seeing that she had left me speechless, she leaned forward. “How do you know that you and I are seeing the same thing? We may agree that this is a stone floor,” she said, tracing the grey stones we were sitting on , “but is what you see as a stone floor t he same thing I see? Is your gray my gra y? How differen t is my perception than yours. How many people could describe this room utterly differently – with different emotions yet capture it perfectly? There are too many whys and not enough answers in this life.”
I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. “The Realm gave you that perception?” I asked, completely mystified.