Uniting the Souls (Souls of Chicago #6)(61)

“There are more things to consider other than the fact that you’re gay,” Hudson told the boy.

“Like what? You want to know how our mom beats us?” His voice rose as the words started pouring out of him. “She blames us for our dad leaving so she hits us. She likes to drink a lot too which usually sets her off. Last night was the worst though. She’d been drinking all day and I knew it was going to be bad. I tried to calm her down, but nothing would work, it was like she couldn’t even hear me. She came after my brother and I knew I had to do whatever it took to protect him or she would end up killing him.” His eyes darted around the room, begging us to understand as he continued describing the horrors they’d been through at the hands of their mother.

The more he talked, the more my hands began to shake. I felt sweat trickle down my spine and my chest felt tight, making it difficult to breathe. I closed my eyes, trying to fight back my nausea, but my stomach continued to churn until I was forced to run from the room.

I made it to the bathroom just in time as my body tried to rid itself of not only the food I’d eaten that day, but also the painful memories. I wished it were that simple. I wished I could just throw up and purge myself of everything that had happened that terrible night, but I couldn’t. The memories were trapped inside me, burned into my brain.

I flushed the toilet and then went to the sink, rinsing my mouth out and splashing cold water on my face. I got a paper towel and wiped my face, but tears were running down my face faster than I could catch them. I glanced up and caught my reflection in the mirror. My blue eyes looked wild, frantic, and desperate. Exactly the same as his had looked on that terrible night as he’d stared at me.

For years, I’d pushed the images of that night to the back of my mind. Each time they tried to creep in, I’d force them back again, telling myself that it wasn’t real or that it had happened to someone other than me. The similarity between the boys’ story and mine had brought it all back though and this time the memories forced their way in, refusing to be ignored.

I fought. I fought like hell to lock them away one more time, but his face flashed in front of my eyes and I heard his voice as he screamed at me. A tremor shook my body and darkness crept in around the edges of my vision. My legs gave out and I fell to the floor, shaking all over as pitch blackness enveloped me.

I felt something cool and wet brush across my forehead and I reached up blindly and tried to brush it away. “Shhh, it’s okay, baby. We’re here.” Hudson. A small smile lifted my lips at the sound of his deep baritone voice.

I felt tired and my body ached, but not the good way it usually did when I was in bed with my lovers. I shifted and wondered immediately why the bed was so hard and cold. I pried my eyes open and found Matt and Hudson leaning over me. Hudson was frowning and Matt had tears in his eyes. It hurt my heart to see him sad so I reached up and wiped his tears away with my thumb. Matt grabbed my hand and pressed his lips to my wrist as he breathed in deeply. He was shaking as if something had scared him and I tried to sit up so I could figure out what was going on.

Hudson helped me into a sitting position and leaned me against the headboard, only it wasn’t a headboard, it was a wall and I wasn’t in bed, I was sitting on the floor. I glanced around the room and saw that I was in the employee bathroom at work. My forehead wrinkled as I tried to remember how I’d ended up there.

I sucked in a gasp as everything came flooding back to me; the two young boys, what they’d been through, my own past and those blue eyes, so similar to mine, staring straight into my soul as he screamed at me in a voice I barely recognized.

“No, no, no, no,” I began to chant as pain swept through me. Hudson grabbed me by the shoulders, speaking to me, but I couldn’t hear him over the rush of blood in my ears. I felt like I was about to be washed away by a tidal wave of emotions so I clutched the front of Hudson’s shirt in my fists, just trying to hold on. I was having trouble breathing and then suddenly, I felt myself being lifted in the air as Hudson swept one arm under my legs and one behind my back and carried me out the door.

I was barely aware of him walking with me out the front door of the center and tossing his keys to Matt. The car doors slammed and then I was alone with my guys. Hudson held me on his lap with his arms wrapped around me as Matt started the car and began to drive. I sobbed into Hudson’s neck, still clinging on to him and his hand came up to run over my hair as he whispered in my ear. Matt reached over as he drove and laid his hand on my leg. I reached down and grabbed onto him, uniting us all together and letting myself feed off their strength.

My sobs turned into softer cries, interrupted by occasional hiccups and I allowed myself to drift into an exhausted sleep. Lulled away by the security of having my men so close and the sound of Hudson’s voice in my ear. “We’ve got you, Isaac. We won’t let you go.”

When I woke again, I was in Hudson’s bed and it was dark. I could hear voices speaking quietly and there was a soft light coming from the living room, just below the loft. My throat felt scratchy and dry and my eyes were swollen from crying so much. I lay still, waiting for the excruciating pain to take over again, but it didn’t. It was still there, but it felt hazy and dull, like it was hovering in the distance, unable to fully touch me. I barely remembered Hudson holding a pill to my lips and telling me to swallow. He’d given me water to wash it down with and then I’d fallen back to sleep.