Unbreak My Heart (Rough Riders Legacy #1)(56)

Quit stalling and man up.

It took two tries before I forced the words out. “I freaked out because I’ve never spent the entire night in bed with another person.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

“Not even as a kid?” she asked.

“Nope. Even with the shitty places we lived with my mom, I never shared a bed with my brother or sister.”

“You shared a bedroom with them?”

“Yeah. I spent plenty of nights in a sleeping bag on the floor.”

“What about during sleepovers with friends?”

I released a bitter laugh. “I didn’t have friends. On purpose, so no one knew how f*cked up my home life was with my drugged-out mother. The closest I came to a sleepover was on the rare occasion I stayed with Aunt Carolyn or my uncles Chet and Remy.”

Sierra didn’t say anything. That’s when I noticed she’d started sweeping her thumb across the back of my hand, down to the bone in my wrist and back up. Maybe she wasn’t conscious of the constant movement. Maybe it was a way of calming herself. But that tender touch soothed me. Or maybe she knew I needed a connection to her, however small.

Back to supposing. Back to stalling. You started this, finish it.

I inhaled and exhaled, trying to stop my heart from racing like a trapped rabbit’s.

“Then I moved in with my dad and had my own room and a double bed. Man. I loved having all that space to stretch out in. The last thing I wanted was to share that with anyone. Even temporarily.”

“So your high school hookups?”

“Didn’t happen there.”

“I drove past your house once.” She paused. “Okay, more than once, but less than a hundred times. I always hoped you might be outside working on your motorcycle when I passed by and I could act all innocent. ‘Oh, Boone, you live here? I didn’t know that. But since I’m in the neighborhood…’”

I allowed a small smile at that image because that was exactly how the Sierra I’d known would’ve played it. “What happened after the ‘Since I’m in the neighborhood’ scenario?”

“In my sixteen-year-old fantasy world? We made out like crazy. I think I let you touch my boobs.”

I groaned. “Goddamn you had a nice rack. I tried so f*cking hard not to stare at it.” I brought our joined hands to my mouth and kissed her knuckles. “You still have an outstanding rack, baby.”

“And now you can touch it any time you want.”

Silence settled between us again.

When I didn’t speak, Sierra prompted me. “So you had your own bed at your dad’s. After that?”

“In the army I had a cot. Or occasionally a bunk bed. Never had to share. Actually, we weren’t allowed to share.”

“I’ll just ask this straight up. You are f*cking hot as hell, Boone West. You didn’t lack female attention when you were in high school and I doubt a healthy, sexy, young, buff, gorgeous soldier chose celibacy.”

“I chose hookups. Which I told you. Always at her place so I could leave after. Yeah, I was that f*cking douchebag ‘one and done’ guy.”

“There’s no judgment, so don’t get testy.”

I blew out a breath. “Sorry. It’s just hard to admit, to you of all people, that I’ve never done the whole cuddle, snuggle thing except while waiting for my dick to get hard. I f*cked, then I went back to my place. Alone. Every time.”

“Hence the ‘no shampoo bottles in the shower’ reality,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“So you don’t do the whole cuddle, snuggle thing longer than necessary to get laid…because you don’t like it?”

“Being with you the last couple of hours? That’s the longest it’s ever been for me.” I held myself rigid, intending to pull away the instant I detected any pity.

Sierra just groaned. “You probably felt smothered because I am a very friendly sleeper. Sorry about that.”

She’d apologized to me because I’d bailed? As easy as it’d be to let that stand, I wasn’t one to blame others for my shortcomings. “Christ, Sierra. Don’t apologize. You need to know these weird things about me so you don’t think any of it has to do with you. That I’m f*cked up.”

When she didn’t immediately respond, my leg started to bounce with nerves.

Sierra placed her hand around the top of my quad and squeezed—harder than I expected. It wasn’t harsh, but it did remind me to stay focused. “As long as you’ve opened this door, Boone, you need to take me through it all the way. Because I’ll be honest with you, I like the whole cuddle, snuggle thing. I want that with you. Not just after you f*ck me, but when we’re watching TV, or like this if we’re just lounging by the pool. Earlier you said you can show me how you feel about me when we’re naked and our body parts are connected.”

I couldn’t help but grin at her vague reference to body parts.

“But shoving your dick in me is not the only way to show me that you care. I’m affectionate, so you’ll just have to deal with that.”

And here was the moment of truth. “And if I don’t know how?”

“How what? How to deal with me being affectionate?”

“Yeah. I’ve never had that.”