Unbreak My Heart (Rough Riders Legacy #1)(55)

“Because of the look on your face. Like I’ve just given you a present.”

“Being here with you in the present is the best present I’ve ever gotten.”

Then I found myself flat on my back with Boone on top of me.

He hadn’t been kidding about being turned on.





I couldn’t sleep.

I should’ve had the best sleep of my life in Sierra’s bed, with her wrapped around me.

But I was panicked. I needed to move. So I could think. So I could breathe.

When Sierra shifted her position, I escaped.

I found my athletic shorts in the foyer where I’d left them and slipped them on before I made a beeline for the sliding glass door in the kitchen and stepped into the night.

The patio tiles were still warm, as was the air. The light from the pool cast shimmery shadows across the water. I paused by the edge. Since I hadn’t seen exercise equipment, I couldn’t burn the feeling off. Maybe a quick dip would loosen me up. Cool me off. Keep these thoughts from churning and becoming murky.

I eased down the steps into the water that was colder than expected. I wished I could turn off the pool lights. Darkness and water would be my own sensory deprivation tank. To get that effect, I closed my eyes when I submerged myself, holding my breath until my lungs ached. I popped up like a cork and bobbed around for a bit before I sank below the surface again. I repeated this process a dozen times until the jittery feeling was gone.

After I climbed out of the water, I stretched out on the cement and stared at the sky. No clouds. No stars. Just the continual orange glow of urban light pollution. I closed my eyes. That panicked thought jumped out first thing.

She’ll think you’re a freak.

How can I tell her the truth?

How can you not tell her? She will know. It’s not like it won’t be obvious.

It hasn’t been so far.

Haven’t you lied to her enough? A lie of omission is still a lie.

Fuck.

I’d always resented my parents. But until that moment, I hadn’t really understood how much they’d f*cked me up. I’d always told myself I didn’t care. And I hadn’t—not until now. Not until it mattered. Not until this ignorance in yet another part of me that had nothing to do with my dyslexia might cost me the one thing I couldn’t bear to lose—Sierra. Either by seeing her pity if I nutted up and told her the truth, or by sensing her frustration if I didn’t and she witnessed my inadequacies firsthand.

How fair was it that I could be so spectacularly f*cked…after the most f*cking spectacular night of my life?

I don’t know how long I lay there, mired in dark thoughts.

I heard the whisper of feet crossing the pavement.

Sierra.

She probably thought I’d run out on her.

Maybe I should have. Maybe she would’ve been better off.

No, you f*ckhead. You are here. You will goddamn deal with this. If she kicks your ass to the curb it won’t be because you weren’t honest with her.

A beach towel landed on my belly and I jumped.

A puff of air flowed over me as she spread a towel out beside me. Softer scraping as she settled next to me on the cement.

I tucked my towel under my head as a pillow.

She broke the silence first. “You’re freaked out.”

“Yep.” I didn’t elaborate—yet—and she didn’t ask.

But she reached for my hand.

My heart raced.

One little thing. One thoughtful gesture that reminded me that I wasn’t alone. One small sign of solidarity with me.

But that was all it took.

I was all f*cking in with this woman. No holding back anything.

I said, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You probably wouldn’t have since you’re so stealthy, Mr. Army Soldier, but the alarm for the patio door went off.”

In my haste to escape I hadn’t noticed the alarm—so much for my special training. “It did?”

“It’s funny how many times I’ve been woken up by a door alarm. Lu actually keeps track of how many of her hookups sneak out in the middle of the night.”

“Do they know that she knows exactly when they bail?”

“No. Which is why it’s so funny.” She paused. “Until it happened to me.”

My gut twisted. “You thought you’d get up and find me gone?”

“I wasn’t sure. I figured it was your turn for a freak-out moment since I’ve had several and hit the road at every major turning point so far.”

“The thought had crossed my mind to just…go.”

“Even if I would have found you gone, Boone, I would’ve come after you. Like you always come after me.” She squeezed my hand.

I squeezed hers back.

It didn’t seem odd that we were lying side by side on her patio, in the middle of the night, staring at the starless, cloudless sky.

“You want to talk about why you freaked out?” she asked gently.

“Yeah.” I paused. “And f*ck no.”

Sierra laughed softly.

She didn’t push. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. I knew even if it took me a f*cking hour to find my balls and spit this out, she’d still be right there beside me, waiting.

I compiled an ordered list in my head. High points. Low points. Problem was, they were all low points.