Toxic: Logan's Story (Torn #4)(30)

When it ended, I didn’t say a word. Instead, I clicked play on Stone Sour’s “Tired.” It was a newer song, but I’d fallen under its spell after the first time I heard it on the radio. Again, I let the lyrics speak for me. I wanted them to tell Logan everything that I couldn’t. I wasn’t good with my feelings. I never had been, but with him, I wanted to be. I wanted him to be the one who kept me safe.

When the final verse ended, Logan was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white.

“Logan?” I questioned.

He shook his head as he pulled the car off the interstate, ignoring the signs that said to pull off in an emergency only.

“Logan, what are you doing?” I asked as the car came to a stop.

He leaned across the console and grabbed my face with both hands. He stared straight into my eyes. “Is that what you want?”

“What?”

“You want me close? You want me to make you feel safe?”

I tried to look away, but his hands kept me from moving.

“I’m not…I don’t…” he growled. “Damn it, this isn’t coming out right at all!”

I expected him to pull away, but instead, he pulled my face to his, and he kissed me. It wasn’t safe or sweet. It was hungry and angry. He never gave me a chance to stop him before his tongue plunged into my mouth. A small moan escaped me as he explored. Fire shot through my veins as I kissed him back. This was all I’d wanted. Being with him like this made me feel alive. Feeling his hands on me made me feel safe.

He finally pulled away from me and grinned. His grin turned into a full-blown laugh as we caught the lyrics of another song playing. “I guess the song is right. It does feel good when I lose control.”

I glanced down and pushed pause, cutting off “Temper Temper” mid-song. “What was that kiss for?”

He tilted my chin up, so I was looking at him again. “Because I suck with words, and I’ve wanted to kiss you since you walked out of the airport yesterday.”

“Really?” I asked, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. Maybe this wasn’t all one-sided. Maybe, just maybe, I had a chance with him.

I shouldn’t want that though. After all, I’d done fine on my own for the past few years. What was it about Logan that made me want to go and f*ck up my perfectly put-together new life?

“Really. And now that I’ve started kissing you, I don’t want to stop. Look, I’m not good with words or relationships. I thought I was, but I’m not. I’m not saying that I want us to suddenly jump into something serious, but I’ve waited almost a year for you to come back to me. The things from before still get to me from time to time, but I want to try to take this somewhere with you. Is that what you want? Or am I making a fool of myself?”

I stared at him in shock. He wanted an us? “I don’t know what to say. No, that’s a lie. I totally know what to say. I’ve wanted to be with you from the moment I saw you.”

“Is that a yes then?” he asked as he grinned.

I nodded. “It’s a yes. I have baggage, lots of it, and you do, too. The good thing is that we both know what happened to the other. We’ll figure things out together. How does that sound?”

“Sounds like a plan.” He leaned over and kissed me softly. “I’m going to kiss you a lot. I hope that’s okay.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. “It’s more than okay.”

We kissed on the side of the interstate until both of us were gasping for breath. When we finally separated, he pulled the car back onto the interstate.

For the next few hours, he held my hand without a word.



The ride home was so different from the one I’d taken with Eric when I was running away. While I was nervous about seeing everyone again, I wasn’t terrified like I had been when I left. I wasn’t sure if it was because of Logan or because I was in control of the situation this time. Regardless of the reason, I no longer feared the future.

Back then, Eric had picked me up on I-40 just outside of Knoxville. I’d been stupidly trying to hitchhike my way to New York City at the time. I’d been desperate enough to get in the car with him when he said he’d take me to northern West Virginia even though I didn’t know him. Back then, I had been terrified of what life would throw at me. I had been afraid that my stepdad would try to find me and force me to come back home.

Even then, Eric’s presence had calmed me. We’d talked casually as he drove me closer and closer to his home. He’d told me he was visiting his real dad in Tennessee, but he lived with his adoptive parents. He’d never mentioned his mom, and I hadn’t pried. I’d told him about my stepdad, my mom, and Mikey. When I’d told him I could play drums, he’d said he played guitar. Once we’d started talking about music, we’d never shut up. By the time we’d arrived at his house, I’d agreed to hang out for a few days and jam with him as long as his parents were okay with it.

By the end of that first week, his parents had offered to let me stay with them until I got back on my feet. They had been so kind to me, and I’d kept waiting for them to change and start screaming at me. They never had. Instead, I’d stayed with them until Eric and I were able to get a place of our own. For the past six years, Eric had been my best friend, and he still was. He knew more about me than anyone, even Logan, and Logan knew a hell of a lot.