Toxic: Logan's Story (Torn #4)(21)

I didn’t want Jade to go. After my breakdown and heart-to-heart with her, I felt like I was losing something important as we walked out of my house.

She sent a quick text to the guys, letting them know that she would meet them at Drake’s old house in a few minutes. I drove her to his house since Amber had dropped her off the night before and she didn’t have a ride. The drive to his house was silent, but it wasn’t awkward.

“I’ll go with you,” I told her when I pulled up to the house.

“Really?” she asked, surprised that I’d made my decision already.

“Yeah. I figure, why the hell not? I could use a vacation.”

She smiled at me. “Thank you. It means more to me than you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get all emotional on me. Guys hate shit like that.”

She playfully stuck her tongue out at me. “My bad.”

We both stared at each other, unsure of how to say good-bye.

“Thank you for last night,” I finally said.

“What are you thanking me for?” she asked, confused.

“For being there when I needed someone and for showing me that things will get better.”

“If you ever want to talk, just call me. I mean it. I’ll listen.”

“I know you will.” I reached out and cupped her cheek. I pulled her closer and kissed her softly. “Be safe.”

“I will.”

She was gone after that. I watched as she walked to Drake’s front door. Once she was safely inside, I turned the car around and drove back to my house.



I spent an hour staring at the television before Amber finally made it home. When she saw me sitting on the couch, she approached cautiously. I winced, realizing that she was probably afraid I would start yelling at her again.

“I’m sorry for yesterday, Amber. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that,” I said as I shut off the T.V.

“It’s okay. I knew you were upset, but I kept pushing you.”

“It’s not okay, not by a long shot. You didn’t deserve to be yelled at like a dog.”

“So, how are you today?” she asked.

“I’m…okay. Well, I’m not okay exactly, but I will be. I talked with Jade last night, and she made me realize a few things. It’s just hard, you know?”

“I know. If there’s anything I can do to help you, you’ll tell me, won’t you?”

I nodded. “I will, I promise. Everything just hit me at once yesterday, and I lost my cool. Seeing them get married made me realize that I wouldn’t get a second chance with her. It hurt like a bitch, but I’m glad I’m finally seeing the truth.”

She leaned over and hugged me gently. “I love you, Logan. You’re like a brother to me. All I want is for you to be happy.”

“And I think of you as an annoying little sister. I love you, too, kid. I promise, I’ll be okay. Now that I’m seeing things from the right perspective, I can move on. I promise that the old me will come back.”

“Good. I’ve missed him.”

We chatted for a few more minutes before I told her that I wanted to go to my room for a while. She seemed to understand that the one thing I needed more than anything right now was alone time. She left me alone once I was in my room.

I dropped down onto my bed and stared out the window. The last twenty-four hours had been eye-opening for me. The world didn’t look the same today as it had yesterday. I knew I wouldn’t be okay today or even tomorrow, but soon, I would go back to how I used to be. I vowed that I would stop using women the way I had before. It wasn’t right, and I knew that my guilt from using them was part of my problem. I had to let all of that guilt and regret go, so I could move on.

“When you come back, I’ll be a new man, Jade. Maybe then, I’ll be ready for something more.”



It took me a long time to feel like myself again after that day, but I did it. I’d suffered for months. One minute, I would feel almost human. Then, the depression would take hold, and I’d start to spiral out of control again. I forced myself to keep moving forward, and I tried not to think about the darkness that seemed to take over sometimes. When I was at my worst, I would think about Jade and what she’d said to me the night of Chloe’s wedding. I had to keep going, and I had to move on if I wanted any kind of future with her.

By the time Jade made it back to me, I was a different man. I still loved Chloe—I probably always would—but now, it wasn’t an all-consuming fire. It was more like a small flame. She was happy with Drake, and for the first time in a long time, I was starting to find happiness, too.





Thump. Thump.

This is for you, Dad—for being a controlling, abusive, arrogant f*ckhole who did nothing but screw me up.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

This is for you, Mom—for sitting around and watching as he tried to break me. You should have been on my side instead of hating me for driving a wedge between the two of you.

Thump. Thump.

This is for you, Bethaney—for being the one who was loved while I went through hell. Even if it wasn’t your fault, I can’t help but feel anger toward you sometimes.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

This is for you, Chloe—for breaking Logan so bad that I don’t know if I’ll ever have a chance with him.