Toxic: Logan's Story (Torn #4)(19)

My bedside lamp went next, and it left a hole in the drywall. Goodbye, deposit.

When I ran out of things to throw, I sank down to the floor of my bedroom and held my head in my hands. I pulled them away, and I was shocked when I noticed that they were wet. Jesus Christ, I’m crying. I was a grown f*cking man, and I was crying over a relationship that had ended over a year ago. I wasn’t sure how much more of a f*ck-up I could possibly be.

I jumped when a hand touched my back. I looked up to see Jade standing behind me. Shame filled me as I looked around the room. I’d destroyed everything that I associated with Chloe, and now, I was crying.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I spit out.

“Logan—”

“Don’t, Jade. I don’t want your pity. Just go.”

She walked around me and crouched down until we were eye-to-eye. “I’m not leaving you.”

“I don’t want you here!” I shouted at her. I didn’t mean to be so cruel, but I couldn’t handle seeing her look at me like that.

“I really don’t give a f*ck what you want, Logan. I’m not leaving,” she shot back, not at all bothered by my rudeness.

“What do you want from me?” I asked, defeated.

“I don’t want anything. I’m just…here. You can talk to me or pretend like I don’t exist. It doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Why do you even care? I f*cked up royally with you.”

“You did, and I was pissed at you for a really long time, but I know you’re not the person you were that night. You’re a good soul, Logan. You’re just hurting.”

“You’re wrong. I am that guy. I’m an *. I’m not the same guy you met when I was with Chloe. I’m bitter and angry and f*cking self-destructive.”

She shrugged. “I am, too, sometimes, especially when I think about my past. But you know what? I don’t care. It’s part of who I am. Sometimes, it makes me weak, but sometimes, the hate and anger I feel makes me stronger.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything at all. Neither did she. Instead, we sat together on the floor in silence. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her again until the tears dried on my face. I vowed then and there that I would never cry again over Chloe. What had been done was done, and it was time that I finally moved on with my life. Chloe had obviously found happiness, and it was time that I did, too.

“You know what sucks the most?” I finally asked.

She looked over at me. “What?”

“I didn’t realize until today that Drake really does love her. I always knew he cared, but I thought that he would eventually get bored and move on. I never realized just how much he loved her.”

She gave me a sad smile. “He’s been in love with her since they met. It took him a while to figure that out, but once he did, he was done. I’ve never seen him act the way he did when they were apart. It was horrible, Logan. Between the drugs and losing her, I was terrified that he was going to kill himself. Every night, I would pray that he’d be okay and still be with us in the morning. After he got clean, all he talked about was finding her. He was a man possessed. I’ve never seen him like that in my life. When she took him back, it was like he became a totally different person. He smiles and laughs all the time now. I know you’re scared that he’ll hurt her, but I want you to know that he never will. He cares way too much about her to screw up and lose her again.”

“I really hope you’re right. No matter how much it hurts me to know they’re together, I just want her to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted…even if it means I’m broken.”

Jade flung herself at me suddenly. Caught off guard, I fell back against the floor with her on top of me. She shocked me when her lips found mine, and she kissed me with such fierceness that I was paralyzed. Finally, my brain seemed to wake up, and I kissed her back. Her tongue slipped inside my mouth to caress mine. We were nothing more than a tangle of limbs as her hands found my hair, and I grabbed her hips to pull her body closer to mine. Out of my control, my dick swelled as her heat pressed against me.

I was jolted back to reality as a moan escaped her. I explored her mouth with mine one last time before pushing her away. She fell back onto the floor beside me, breathing heavily.

“I think it’s my turn to ask, what the f*ck are you doing?” I finally managed to pant out.

She stared at me. Her eyes were glazed over with lust and something else I couldn’t identify.

“You don’t deserve the pain you’re feeling. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve always put others first. You’ve never asked anyone for anything, and I’m tired of seeing you be miserable. You deserve to be happy even if it’s only for a few minutes.”

I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. I was torn between pulling her body back on top of mine and laughing at her. While my head was still confused about what the f*ck had just happened, my body had a crystal-clear picture of her and me together—naked and sweating while we took out our frustrations on each other.

“Stop looking at me like that, Logan, or I won’t stop once I start again,” she said after several minutes of silence.

I gave her a weak grin. “I thought you didn’t want to be my rebound.”