Toxic (Denazen #2)(96)

She put her hand on my shoulder and nodded. “See? She knew it, too.”

I loved Dez. With all my heart and every part of my mind, body, and soul. But looking at her lately, I could see her doubt. I’d catch her watching me with Jade, and I recognized the look that sparked in her eyes. I recognized it because it’s what I felt when she looked at Alex. Jealousy.

All the tension drained away. Suddenly it was all so clear to me—what I should do. What I had to do. In the beginning, Dez had doubts about our relationship. She worried that if it ever happened that I could touch someone else, maybe I’d realize I didn’t want her. That I stayed for the wrong reasons.

Jade reclaimed my hand, and I felt a smile overtake my lips. “I think you need to consider—”

“Can I kiss you?”

“What?” It’s what she’d wanted—which confused me. It seemed most everything about me irritated her. The things I said confused her, and the way I acted seem to insult her. Yet she wanted to kiss me. To do other things with me. The look of surprise on her face almost made me chuckle.

“Can I kiss you?” I said again. Maybe she hadn’t heard me—I was speaking quietly. An old habit. When the lights went out at Denazen, a strict silence policy was enforced.

Stepping closer, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed my lips to hers. She was different than Dez. For one thing, she was taller. She didn’t need to rise up on her toes to meet me, and I kind of missed that. For another, there was less to her. Jade was beautiful and delicate. Like a piece of porcelain—something you’d be afraid to break. Dez, in comparison, was strong. A beautiful warrior. My equal.

I worried, thinking maybe I’d done something bad by simply leaning in and getting right to it because Jade didn’t respond at first. But after a moment, a bubbly laugh slipped free, and she grabbed me tight, dragging me close until we were pressed up against each other.

The kiss wasn’t long. Fifty-seven seconds, to be exact. I knew because I’d counted.

When she pulled away, her cheeks were pink, and her expression was smug. “Oops.”

I followed her gaze. Dez and Kiernan were standing a few feet away, the look on Dez’s face unlike anything I’d ever seen before.

A horrible sound escaped her lips. “Some ninja, huh? I was standing here a whole twenty seconds.”

She was upset—that much was clear—and I understood. But as soon as I explained things, she’d be happy again. She’d never have to worry again. “Dez, I—”

“No. Seriously. It’s cool, right? You guys are great together. You know, ’cause you can grope each other without all the death and pain and shit.”

She started to back away as I advanced. That’s when I realized the mistake I’d made. “Wait. Dez, it’s—”

She was laughing as the tears fell down her cheeks. They pooled at the bottom of her chin for a moment before falling onto her borrowed shirt. “Not what it looks like? Is that what you were gonna spew? Did you know that’s what Alex tried to say to me? Or maybe you were going to tell me this was all some kind of setup? An act played out to shield me from something big and bad? Guess what? Alex said that to me, too. Matter of fact, for all the bad blood between you two, you have a hell of a lot in common all of a sudden. You both f*cked me over for some cheap-ass whore.”

Jade snickered. “See? Notice how she keeps bringing up Alex?”

It took every ounce of self-control not to hit Jade in that moment. I’d kissed her to prove a point to Dez. She was worried that I’d never been with anyone else. Now I had. It was an experience I would never forget.

One that was completely unremarkable.

One that didn’t come close to what I felt when I was with her.

To me, it was the most logical way to quell her fears. But sometimes it was easy to forget that other people didn’t see things the way I did. Alex had done exactly the same thing to her years ago. In her eyes, I’d just done the same.

I tried to reach for her, but I was too slow. She turned on her heel and bolted into the darkness.