Toxic (Denazen #2)(90)

Parkview Field was a playground that had been under construction for three years now. The park was at the top of a hill and had cliffs bordering one side. They were in the process of putting in a six-foot fence around the property. Without it, it’d be too easy for some kid to chase his soccer ball right over the edge.

The plan was for Kale and me to enter through the front gate and head straight through to the other end. By the cliffs. The layout of the park made it easy for Ginger and the rest of the guys to watch from a safe point on the outside and fall in, surrounding the place when they saw Dad and Aubrey come through. The perfect bottleneck scenario.

I was originally supposed to go in alone—which honestly scared me a little but made total sense. Why waltz in with the two things Dad wanted most? But Kale, completely uncompromising, refused to let me go without him. He’d used my own words against me. We’re a team. It’s us against everything else.

After a while, it was obvious Kale wasn’t going to budge. Ginger’s options were limited. Either let him go with me or drug him again. In the end, I think she agreed because she knew she’d never fool him twice. He was staying clear of everyone—especially Jade—which kind of made me happy.

On the ride to the park, I drifted in and out. Watery images and strange sounds lingered on the edge of consciousness. Brandt was there again. He held my hand as Kale talked about what great humanitarians the people at Denazen were. At one point, Dad was there, Mom wrapped in his arms laughing and smiling in a way that made all the wrong things right in my world. It was a scene right out of my childhood wishes. A happy family.

By the time we arrived and I pulled myself from the backseat of the Hummer, I couldn’t be sure what was reality and what was a hallucination. Everything was too loud. Too sharp. My legs were rubbery, and my muscles all ached like I’d been hit by a bus.

Sweat beaded across my forehead and dampened the back of my neck, yet I couldn’t pull the hoodie tight enough. The ground was covered in a thick layer of fluffy snow. That would have been odd enough considering it was only September, but even stranger was the snow’s color. Green and a bit stringy. Snow-grass.

“Ready?” Kale stepped up beside me.

I pulled the hood over my head and tucked the sleeves over my fingertips, nodding. Words were painful and took too much effort. I’d been sucking on razor blades. That was the only explanation. I forced myself to swallow, tasting their metallic tang. Like that funky aftertaste you get when carrots aren’t quite ripe—only with razor-y sharpness.

Ginger stood in front of me. Her eyes seemed bigger than normal, and her voice echoed just a little. “Jade will go in behind you. In case something happens, I want her there.”

In case something happens. That must mean in case I didn’t make it. I wanted to argue that Kale could easily carry my corpse back—but then remembered he couldn’t. Not if they wanted something to bury. Somehow it wouldn’t be fair to hand me over to Mom as a pile of ash. Here’s your daughter, Sue. Sorry about the mess—I should have brought a Tupperware container.

The scene brought an insane giggle to my lips. They all turned to stare.

“We need to hurry,” Mom said, reaching for my face. I batted her hand away. She was going to pull my hair out. I just knew it. I refused to die bald.

“Dez, can you walk?” Kale’s voice.

Something deep inside me stirred. Kale wouldn’t steal my hair. He wouldn’t feed me razor blades. I nodded, letting him wrap his arm around my shoulders and steer me to the path.

The walk down the hill was surreal for some reason. It might have been trying to walk in the weird, sludge-like snow-grass, or it might have been the feeling that it wasn’t really me. Like I was there doing it but also there watching it as a spectator. Like a movie with really bad camera angles. Several times my legs gave out. Kale caught me carefully just before I toppled into the snow-grass. I was thankful. It smelled bad, and I was sure it’d stain. I didn’t want to ruin Meela’s sweatshirt.

We made it down the hill to the cliffs in no time, which was a little disappointing. As I stood there, something poked me. Something I was supposed to remember. I’d caught a glimmer of it here and there as we made our way down the path, but no matter how hard I chased it, the thing always skated just out of reach.

Wrinkled hands. Green ink. Urgent teeth. No. That wasn’t right. Not urgent teeth. Urgent instructions. Wait till you’re there. Then look. Shaking, I slipped my hand into the right front pocket of the hoodie, pulling out the small note Ginger had slipped me before we’d left the cabin. As soon as Kale turned away for a second, I flipped it open.

At first I couldn’t read it. The words on the paper blurred and jumped around. When they finally stayed still for a moment, I saw two simple words. That’s all. Two words that made my pulse pound stronger and the blood in my veins turn to ice.

I’m sorry.

“Kale,” I whispered, swallowing the impossibly large lump in my throat. My voice sounded funny. Small. Garbled. I hoped he could understand. “Do you love me?”

He tensed. “You know that I do.”

I held my breath for a moment to keep from panicking. Reality wasn’t just fraying at the edges anymore, it was splitting right down the middle. I had to keep it together. Just a little bit longer. “If you love me, then you’ll do something for me, right?”