This Time(9)

"What's this now? Saying I can't?" Duke leaned forward, elbows propped on his knees and peered into Belle's eyes.

"I can't be around Burke. I can't."

"I figure you can do anything you put your mind to, Belle. You went back to college carrying your broken heart in your hands. You graduated with honors, then helped me get this ranch back in the black. Last year you ran for town council and beat the ten year incumbent."

Tears pooled in her eyes as she listened to her father's encouragement. Yes, she'd done all of those things, but this was different. She felt tired and weary as if all her strength were gone.

"You're about the strongest, most confident woman I know. I'm proud to call you my daughter. Don't know how the Lord blessed me with such fine women in my life."

Belle spoke honestly and openly. "I'm not so strong, Daddy. Not when it comes to Burke. I want to be strong, everyone expects me to be long over this, and I'm not. I'm not."

Her dad nodded, thinking, rubbing his chin. "After your mother died the Lord told me I had to teach you to deal with life's pain. I didn't do much to shelter you. I guess we just take it for granted you can handle most any situation that comes your way."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm grateful for what you taught me. I'm grateful to Jesus for being so real in my life, but right now, I need you to pray for me. Please."

Duke did not hesitate. He wrapped his strong arm around her shoulders and started to pray as Belle dropped her head against him.

"Father, we come askin' for grace and peace, wisdom and understanding. Just wrap my girl in Your mighty love and give her strength to get through this reunion. And Lord, once and for all, let there be a healin' between Belle and Burke. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

"Thank you," Belle whispered.

He smiled his tender, fatherly smile and kissed her on the cheek. "Mind if I change the subject here for a minute?"

Belle waved her hand at him. "Please do. I'm tired of focusing on me."

For the next thirty minutes they sat at her desk situated in one corner of the spacious ranch kitchen and discussed the business. Belle's improved grazing methods had produced better data on the cattle they sold for beef, and the Bar J's profits were up.

"I knew sending ya to college would pay off," Duke teased, winking at her.

"Considering I barely made it through my last year…" Belle said, stopping suddenly as an image of Burke flashed across her mind. How lonely and disoriented her senior year had been without him.

Duke continued talking about the business, and it kept her thoughts in the present. Together, they finalized their summer plans by deciding to fence in the land they bought last year from Chet Guthrie. They would rotate the cattle to the new pasture and give the older ones a rest.

After making a few notes on her task list, Belle turned on the computer in order to send a few emails. While the modem dialed, she turned to her father and asked, nonchalantly, "Did you ever wish for a son to work the ranch with you?"

From the kitchen sink where he'd started to clean the coffee pot, Duke looked over his shoulder at her, surprise in his hazel eyes. "Now what possessed ya to ask a question like that?" He rinsed the pot and reached for a dishtowel.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I've always wondered."

He set the pot back on the coffee maker and joined Belle at her desk. "You know your mom and me waited a long time to have a child. We'd been married almost twenty years when ya finally came along. Seeing your beautiful face for the first time, well, I reckon it was just about the best day of my life. We were so amazed by the Lord's favor on us, we never even questioned his choice for boy or girl."

"Ever wish you had another one? Maybe a boy?"

Her father shook his head and said plain and simple, "Nope."

Belle smiled.

Duke went on, a faraway look in his eye as he remembered. "Your mom was almost forty-one when ya were born. We felt more than blessed to have ya. Purty little thing, ya were. Right purty."

"Maybe I'll have a son to give the ranch to, hmm?"

Duke playfully popped the dishtowel at her leg. "Got to get ya married first, girl."

She grew serious. "I want to, Daddy. I do. I just haven't found the right man yet."

"Spencer seems right sweet on ya."

"He's a good friend." She peered into her father's face, her look communicating more than any words she could express.

"I see," Duke said with a slight nod of his head. He strode across the newly tiled kitchen floor and pulled meat from the freezer.

Belle faced the computer and started composing an email. "You're not upset are you?"

Duke chuckled softly. "Why would I be upset, kitten?"

She turned from the screen and her emails. "I don't know. I thought you might want some grandkids by now."

Duke walked over to her and patted her arm tenderly. "Not if it means settlin' for something your heart ain't yearnin' for. Ya take your time and marry the man the Lord has for ya, hear? Ain't no other way to go."

"I don't think I could get married unless I knew the Lord wanted me to," she said, returning her attention to the computer, attempting to finish the day's work. But images of Burke replayed in her mind. Over and over she saw him striding smoothly across the gym floor. Conflicting emotions battled within her. Any hint of longing, any joy at seeing him again was overshadowed by the painful questions that plagued the past.