The Words We Leave Unspoken(52)

“Grey,” I say quickly before he opens the door.

He drops his hand to his side and turns to face me.

“I... last night...” I am at a loss for words. I stand there, frozen, fumbling for words like a complete idiot.

He walks toward me, draws me against him as I stare up at his face and places his finger against my lips. “Ssh... focus on Gwen right now. We can figure out the rest later.”

His hand falls back to his side and he presses his lips gently against my cheek before he releases me and walks out the door. It takes me a moment to collect myself. The tension has lifted but I’m left feeling like I don’t deserve him; I don’t deserve Grey’s kindness. I follow him out to the car, knowing that I’m going to break his heart, but feeling drawn to him like a drug addict looking for a fix. And like an addict, I take what he gives without care of the destruction that I might leave in my wake.



The hospital is quiet on this Friday morning, much like the car ride with Grey. Grey insisted on waiting in the ICU waiting room, while I go inside to see Gwen and John.

I find John sprawled out in the chair asleep and Gwen lying in bed awake. Her face lights up when she sees me, but I can’t ignore the pale, waxy look to her skin or the sunken dark circles around her eyes. The large oxygen mask has been replaced by a nasal cannula, delivering oxygen through tiny tubes in her nostrils. She places her finger against her lips and whispers, “I don’t want to wake him.”

I nod and walk around to the opposite side of her bed and sit on the edge, drawing one leg up underneath me. I swallow the lump in my throat.

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

“I’ve been better,” she says with a slight smile. I know that she’s trying to spin the situation with humor, putting on her armor of strength, but I can see the pain in her eyes.

Tears well up and spill down my cheeks without hesitation and I say, “I’m so sorry, Gwen. I didn’t mean...”

“Neither did I, Charley. We’re good,” she says, as she reaches over and squeezes my hand. “We’re good,” she says again with tears in her eyes.

“Are you going to be okay?” I ask her hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer. I let my purse slide silently to the floor and peel my jacket off my shoulders.

“The doctor said that my fluid levels are down and my heart is already getting stronger. The medications are working. He thinks I should be able to go home by the end of the weekend. I’m supposed to have some scans today and Dr. Sheldan is coming by to discuss treatment plans, so we’ll see,” she says with a sigh. “Can you call Mom? I need to see Olivia and Max. I just need to feel them in my arms, ya know?”

I nod and say around the knot that has formed in my chest, “Yes, I’ll call her.” I lie down on my side and snuggle in beside her without another word and we both lie in silence as I listen to her wheezy breath draw in and release, while John snores softly on the other side of the room. Gwen whispers, “I’m so glad that you’re here.”

And I find myself thinking back to my dream and Gwen’s voice as she whispered, “I’ll never leave you.” I whisper those same words to her now, so softly that only I can hear.

We lay like this for a while until John’s snoring fades and he clears his throat. I sit up slowly and Gwen says, “Honey, you should go to Charley’s and get some real sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

John stretches his arms overhead and says, “Well, I could use a shower.”

“I’ll call Mom now and have her bring Olivia and Max and John’s things,” I say as I stand slowly and kiss Gwen on the cheek. I turn to John and add, “And John, my place is yours for whatever you need.”

“Tell her to pack me a bag too, would ya?” Gwen says. “Something comfy to wear when I spring out of here.” Gwen wears her signature smile but it doesn’t reach her eyes and I have to turn away before she sees the heartache that I am trying so hard to mask.

“I’ll tell her,” I assure Gwen as I bend down to pick my purse up off the floor. “I’ll be right back,” I say to both John and Gwen as I step out into the hallway and make my way back to the waiting room to call my mother.

I see Grey first. He’s sitting in one of the chairs in the tiny waiting room, bent forward scrolling through something on his phone. He looks up and sees me, standing abruptly as he tucks his phone in the pocket of his jeans. “How is she?” he asks as I walk toward him.

I shrug. “She’s awake and seems better than I was expecting, but she looks terrible and it sounds like a truck is idling in her lungs,” I say.

“I’m sorry,” he says, running his hand down my arm. I shake off the wave of chills his touch invokes.

“I need to call my mom,” I say as I pull my phone out of my purse. “Give me a sec.” I step away and dial my mother.

She answers on the first ring as if she’s been waiting by the phone. I give her a quick update on Gwen.

“Oh thank God,” she says, relieved that Gwen is finally awake. I repeat John and Gwen’s requests and she assures me that she’ll be here as soon as possible.

“How are Max and Olivia?” I ask.

“Max seems fine. Olivia is upset and anxious to see her mom,” she says.

“That’s understandable,” I say mindlessly, staring out the window, feeling sick with worry for both the kids and Gwen. For all of us.