The Ugly Duckling Debutante (House of Renwick #1)(56)

Add that to the list of things he felt guilty about. Leaving his only son for close to seven weeks because he was a coward and couldn’t face his own wife? He managed a smile and pat on the head before asking about Sara. Grabbing Duncan out of the nurse’s arms he waited for confirmation on Sara’s whereabouts.

“You don’t know?” The nurse asked.

He was tired of hearing people answering his questions like that. Obviously he didn’t know anything. That much was clear. He really would like to go at least a few weeks without someone saying life-altering things to him.

“Know what?” he asked, extremely irritated.

The nurse licked her lips and paused. Looking around at the waiting for servants before she explained to him where Sara was. “My lord, she left with Lady Fenton for the country. They’ve been gone a few days already.”

Nicholas felt something akin to panic rise in his chest. “The country? Where in the country?”

The nurse eyed him suspiciously. “Your country home sir. She is, after all, your wife, is she not?”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out the condescending tone in the nurse’s voice. “Thank you, that will be all,” he snapped, handing over his quiet son. Realizing it was the first time he had seen his son in weeks, he took him back. “Pack your things. We’re going to the country house.”

“We?” she gasped

“All of us!” he snapped. “Now go pack Duncan’s things and bring along your own; we leave in an hour.”

He had a wife to see.





Chapter Twenty-Five



By the time everyone loaded the luggage into the two waiting carriages, a ghastly two hours had passed. Nicholas felt he would surely die on the spot if they didn’t get a move on. As it was, they would probably have a good three-hour ride to the house. Although he hadn’t visited in years, it was oddly enough where most of his favorite childhood memories had taken place.

He tried to stay awake, but the stress of the day took its toll. He woke up when the carriage came to a halt in front of his old country mansion. Not willing to wait another minute he ran out of the carriage and burst into the house. Several servants jumped at his arrival, others gave him a look of pure rage which he was guessing he deserved.

What he didn’t expect was Lady Fenton to be up taking tea. It had to be close to midnight; what the devil was she doing up drinking tea?

“Took you long enough,” she scolded, not looking up from her needlework. “I had no idea it would be seven full weeks before you’d get your head out of your—“

“Please,” he interrupted, holding a hand up, “save your lecture, I’ve punished myself enough these past few weeks.”

Lady Fenton let out an unladylike snort. “I find that hard to believe considering you were away in Scotland while Sara found out.”

Her mouth shut quite quickly, quicker than he had ever seen Lady Fenton shut her mouth, and that was saying a lot, considering she never actually shut her mouth. Her talking was as normal as some people’s need for air.

“When Sara found out what?” he asked. Something in the way she shut herself up told him it had nothing to do with the earlier news.

“Let me tell you a story,” she said after a long pause. She patted the seat next to her and he sat. She started very slowly but as the story progressed he felt worse and worse about how he treated Sara. Lady Fenton shed more light onto the affair and Sara’s situation and why she felt the need to send her away to the countryside.

“I had no idea,” she exclaimed through choked sobs, “that they would treat her that way, that I would be guilty of treating my own flesh and blood that way, but I despised her, too, for what she represented; for what I couldn’t have.” She put her hand over Nicholas’s. “Ever since Sara’s birth, I haven’t been able to conceive. I know it’s not proper to talk about such things, but after Sara’s birth it has been nothing but crushed expectations and dreams.” She took another deep breath. “I hated Sara for showing me how awful I had been. I even allowed her mother to go on calling her ugly. I told myself it was to protect Sara, but really it was because she reminded me of him.”

Nicholas felt his heart drop. The him she was referring to was most definitely the him Nicholas had killed two years ago. Lady Fenton looked up into his eyes. “Oh dear boy, don’t you dare think he didn’t have it coming. He was a terrible man. I know you were only defending yourself, and that girl didn’t help by so eagerly jumping into your bed either. She knew exactly what she was doing.”

Nicholas knew she was right. Both the duke and duchess had known what they were doing. And so had Nicholas, which made it worse.

“You can’t keep blaming yourself forever. We all have our demons to deal with. You just have to face yours head-on sooner than the rest of us.”

He sighed. “Why do people keep calling them demons?”

She put her hand across his again. “Because they control us. They make choices for us, good and bad. We let our choices in the past dictate our future. It isn’t fair that because of what has happened to you, you no longer move on with the blessing that’s been given to you. Sara meant you no harm; you must see that. She had no idea. Can you imagine the shock? The week of your wedding?”

Nicholas hadn’t thought of that, but then again he hadn’t been thinking about Sara, he’d been thinking about himself and how it had made him feel like a fool. How he felt manipulated and used for his money and title. When in fact, how must she have felt? He felt sick again and paled. Lady Fenton gave him the eye that said, “Do not throw up on this beautiful loveseat or I shall strike you dead on the spot.” He took some calming breaths before he stood.