The Ugly Duckling Debutante (House of Renwick #1)(55)

Over, it was over.





Chapter Twenty-Four



Nicholas hadn’t slept in a month. Had it really been a month since he left Sara? It felt like ages. His time with Sara feeling like a wonderful dream compared to the nightmare of his current reality. The truth of her deceit and so-called love. Yet the lingering of Belverd’s and his conversation planted doubt in the back of his mind as to Sara’s side of the story.

While in residence at one of his homes in Scotland, he had quickly grown tired and bored of the business affairs he was tending to and itched to return home. He wasn’t sure what he would be going back to, and quite frankly, he was terrified out of his mind.

First off, he hadn’t even given Sara a chance to explain, and second, he had, in fact, killed her real father. He was already going to have trouble asking forgiveness for the first, but for the second? It still mattered that she deceived him, but after his recent research into her past, he had figured out why she would.

She was just as afraid of rejection as he was. In fact, she had more reason to be afraid than him. To think that he actually told her that he didn’t want her, and worse off that she believed him! How was he to know that she had been told for her entire life that she was ugly and different? No wonder she hated it when he told her she wasn’t normal. What he meant as a compliment she took as an insult. And to add insult to injury, he offered her a pity excuse. He said he felt sorry for her. Well her own foster parents fed her that line on a daily basis.

Not that he wouldn’t have known that unless he hadn’t have listened partially to Belverd. After a very long day in bed nursing a headache, he sent one of his men on his way to inquire about her family. The local vicar was only too eager to help. He despised her family and thought that her sisters were spoiled brats who lived in sin.

He inquired as a worried family member figuring the vicar shouldn’t know of his past. The vicar shared that the poor girl had been told she was ugly and stupid for as long as he could remember. People from the village didn’t want to interfere. They had assumed she was being punished for being wicked. Many still stared at her because of her beauty, but because of what she was told, she had thought it was pity as well as judgment.

She finally found the Lord and came to grips with her own spot in the world. The vicar was thrilled when Lady Fenton came and took the girl for a season in London. The parents were equally thrilled telling her that she was their only hope for a fortune.

Little did Lady Fenton or Sara know that the exact same day she left, the two sisters came back, the entire family beyond elated that Sara would find a good match; was she not the most beautiful girl they had seen? And when she did find a good match, they would benefit from it also. Had they not taken her under their roof? Clothed her and fed her?

After the vicar finished his story, Nicholas went straight away to the chamber pot and rid himself of all his earlier food. He had single-handedly destroyed what should have been the best marriage and relationship of his life, all because he was too worried about getting hurt, to worried for his own silly pride as if he had enough left after all his scandal. Who was he to judge her on her scandal? Yet when the tables turned and he was given the choice to offer her grace or at least an explanation, he ran. He left her alone without the support of her husband to help her.

He would burn in Hell.

He made arrangements to leave the next day but the rainy weather made it difficult. He finally made it out the day after and arrived in London two days later. Exactly six weeks after leaving Sara.



***



The fresh air was good for Sara. She had forgotten how great it felt to be out in the wide-open countryside. London seemed so cramped and busy compared to the Renwick country estate.

She took a walk, knowing it to be good for the baby but also needing time to think. Lady Fenton graciously swore to never leave her side, which honestly made Sara miss Nicholas that much more. Was he so stubborn and pigheaded that he would leave without so much as saying goodbye?

Would their last words really be that he never wanted her in the first place? How could she tell their future child that? How could she bring a child into the world when the very world Sara was living in was so unstable?

At least Nicholas had enough good sense to make sure all his staff at every house knew he was married. Otherwise she doubted they would have even been allowed entrance. As it was, Lady Fenton was busy explaining the situation to the entire staff while Sara was outside thinking. She didn’t want to see the pity on their faces when Lady Fenton told the tragic tale.

Sara wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and remember what it felt like to have Nicholas’s body so close to her own, protecting her and loving her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. She was all out of tears, so she merely sighed. He had been gone close to seven weeks; he wasn’t coming back.



***



Nicholas had to pace himself when the carriage arrived in front of his old home. He wanted nothing more than to storm the house and yell for Sara to meet with him immediately. He had some explaining and groveling to do, but then again, he hoped she would also explain to him her fears of telling him about her birth parents. If she really loved him, as he suspected she did, she would forgive him and want him as much as he wanted her. But when it came time to have that conversation, could he do it? Would he be able to risk it all?

He opened the front door and was surprised to see one of the nurses with Duncan waiting. “Oh, we were wondering when you would return,” she said cheerfully. “Master Duncan has been asking about his papa for quite some time.”