The Space Between Us(58)

I looked at Reeve and she just rubbed her hand along my back, trying to offer her support. I looked back to the receptionist and nodded. She gave me a slight smile and then took Reeve and I back to an exam room. She gave me a little cup that was sealed shut and gave me the instructions. I went into the private bathroom and peed in the cup, again, cursing modern technology for not making this whole process easier on emotionally ravaged women just trying to learn their fate. I washed my hands at least three times and took the cup back to the exam room.

A few minutes later a nurse came in and greeted me with a friendly smile. I tried to smile back, but I probably looked like I was grimacing. She was talking about the weather, how it was getting chillier. She took a little, tiny slip of paper and dipped it in the cup then laid it on a paper towel. She continued to chatter about how she’d spent her weekend. After a minute she looked back down at the paper and then smiled at me.

“Positive.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. It’s positive. You’re expecting.” I was not in the least expecting this. What a shitty way to tell someone they’re pregnant.

I bit my lip, trying to keep the tears at bay again. I don’t know why I expected a different outcome, but I had hoped.

“But I’m on the pill. I had my period just three weeks ago. This just can’t be happening.”

“I can’t speak about your birth control, but I can tell you it is common for women to still menstruate even while pregnant, especially in the early stages.”

“Why don’t I know this? Why doesn’t anyone talk about this?” I was about to lose it. I could feel myself breathing faster and my heart was beating quickly.

“You’re free to remain in the room as long as you need, dear. Let me leave you with some information. Know that we are here five days a week and you can always come talk to one of our counselors if you need to.” She handed me a few pamphlets. I sifted through them and gathered that they were information on the choices I was faced with. Abortion? Adoption? Parenting? There was no pamphlet for Crawling Under A Rock And Praying This Is A Dream.

Reeve and I walked home. For someone whose life had been so drastically altered in the last two hours, I didn’t feel any different. I was tired, but figured that was from all the crying and the vomiting. Other than that, I couldn’t tell I was currently creating a human being in my body. That was a real crime. Mother Nature should make it painfully obvious the instant you become pregnant. Your skin should change color or your belly should light up. Something. Anything to give us a clear indication. Something to help along the people, like me, who just couldn’t believe this was happening to them.

When we made it back to the house I found Asher sitting in the foyer. He looked up when we came in and smiled. But his smile immediately turned into a frown when he saw me.

“Are you ok? What’s wrong?” I obviously wore my current mental state on my sleeve. He held me immediately and I couldn’t stop the tears that fell against his shirt as I rested my head against his chest. Our bodies could do amazing things: trick you into believing your birth control is working, grow a f*cking person, produce enough tears to fill a lake and still have more left to cry.

“Why don’t you guys go up to our room? I will keep everyone out of your hair,” Reeve said to Asher.

“Thanks,” he said and led me up the stairs to my room.





Chapter Eight


I felt his chest moving up and down. That is what woke me up. The sound of his breath leaving and entering his lungs, the rhythmic movement of my head bobbing up and down as he breathed, the warmth of his hands on my back. I don’t remember coming to my room with Asher and I don’t remember lying down with him, but I was curled up on his chest, our legs intertwined with each other, his arms wrapped around my body. My eyes fluttered open and I looked right into the slate-gray pools of metal looking back at me.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hi,” I responded, just as quiet. We looked at each other for a while. I was sure he was wondering what happened to me and all I could think about was what I was about to do to him. To us. Right now he was in his purgatory. His life was still the same as it was yesterday. He was still a nineteen-year-old guy with no real worries or responsibilities. And I was about to ruin it.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” He said, running one of his hands through my hair. I took just thirty more indulgent seconds to remember us as we are in this moment, holding each other, loving each other. I didn’t know how he was going to respond to my pregnancy, but I knew nothing would ever be the same.

“I got sick again on the way home from your house this morning.” My voice was so quiet. I didn’t have the energy to speak any louder. Perhaps I felt like saying it loud enough for someone else to hear it would make it more true. “Reeve and I were trying to figure out why I was sick again. If it was something I ate or a bug. Then we both kind of realized that both times I got sick it was in the morning.” I turned my head slightly to look at him, waiting for the realization to strike him. Some sadistic part of me must have wanted to watch the look on his face as his world came crashing down around him. “Reeve thought I should take a pregnancy test.”

I watched as the color slowly drained from his face. His chest stopped moving up and down because he stopped breathing. His hands did not brush through my hair. He understood what I said and what I hadn’t said. I felt one solitary and lonely tear trek down my cheek and I did nothing to wipe it away. It was what it was. A symbol of how alone I felt in that moment, still wrapped in his arms, yet so far away from him.