The Space Between Us(47)
“No,” I answered, a little defensively.
“Good, neither do I. I was just checking. See, the thing is, there is a lot of stuff about my life right now that I am unsure about. I have no idea if I’m going to make a good lawyer. I can’t even think about what I’ll be doing next year this time. Where will I be living after college? What kind of law do I want to practice? Will I stay in the fraternity? Fuck, I’m not even sure what kind of cereal I will eat for breakfast next week.” He ran his hand through his hair and I noticed that the air was puffing out of his mouth at a quicker pace. “But there’s one thing that I am one hundred percent sure about and that’s you.”
I felt him squeeze my hand that he was still holding so gently in his own. I finally looked down and saw the ring he’d placed upon my finger. It was dainty, delicate, and perfect. A simple, slim, silver band with an infinity symbol glittered with small, sparkling diamonds.
“Asher, it’s perfect,” I managed. “I’m still a little unclear about what it means though.”
“Don’t get hung up on the meaning. It means everything. It means nothing. It means that five years ago when I got home from that first summer at my grandpa’s farm, I saw a girl who’d turned into a woman and I knew she was mine. It means that every time I fell asleep, I closed my eyes and couldn’t wait for it to be morning so I could see her again. It means that I’ve spent the last five years learning what it means to be with someone, not just be her boyfriend. It means that one summer day, under an old bridge, next to a shallow stream, I told the girl I was going to marry one day that I loved her. I loved her then. I love her now. And I’ll love her forever until infinity.” He bent his head down and kissed my finger right where the ring lay. “But the ring means nothing. It’s my commitment to you, to us, and your commitment to me too; that’s where the meaning lies. Don’t get hung up on the jewelry, Bit. It’s just a representation of what’s already happening.”
“Ok.” That was all I could muster. My heart still pounded in my chest and I felt weepy little tears collecting in the corner of my eyes, but I had no words. No words I could weave together to create such magic as he gave to me. “Asher, I don’t know what to say.” My eyes were glued to the ring.
“Just say you’ll wear it and that we’ll always be together.”
“I will always be yours,” I said with as much conviction as I have ever felt. I know the words I said to him in this moment were the truest words I’ve ever spoken. If I lived, if I breathed, if I walked this earth, I was his. And maybe even beyond that.
He pulled me up from the swing and instantly I was in his arms. My hands, like they were finding home again, folded around his neck and my fingers threaded through his hair. His hands glided along my waist, just under the plush of my coat, and wrapped all the way around me, pinning me to him. He felt me shudder against him and pulled away just far enough to whisper in my ear.
“You cold, Bit?”
I just shook my head. The trembling wasn’t from the cold, it was from the longing I felt running amok throughout my body. I felt it everywhere and as it swept through my system it stole my breath away with it. He moved me closer to the propane warmer anyway, and I felt the warmth waft over me. I pressed my cheek harder against his chest, my hands still able to reach his neck, if only for the high-heeled boots I was wearing.
His hands came to rest on the curve of my waist and I noticed that we were slowly swaying back and forth, dancing to no music, but dancing nonetheless. “Asher?” I looked up towards his eyes.
“Yeah?” He answered softly.
“I feel like the jacket I got you for Christmas is really lame now.” He laughed, which is exactly what I was going for.
“I love the jacket. And I also love knowing that I can totally outdo you in the gift department.”
“Should I even try to compete?”
“No. Just let me spoil you.”
And I did. I enjoyed everything he did for me. He swept my hair out of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear. He placed small, teasing kisses on my bare skin where he could. I felt his lips along my neck, on my ear, then softly on my mouth. His hands gripped me firmly and pulled my feet from the ground, bringing my face level to his. Taking advantage, I wrapped my arms fully around his neck and used my hands to feel the muscle beneath his coat. His strong shoulders flexed with use as he held me to him. He held me like this for a few minutes, longer than anyone should be able to hold up another person, but he eventually put me down and like clockwork I heard the trotting of Utopia coming back to collect us.
Stan pulled the carriage right up to us and Asher held a hand out to help me up. I climbed in and took a seat, looking back at the beautiful setting Asher created for us. I frantically stood up and shouted, “Wait!” I pulled out my cell phone and tried to capture what I could of the most romantic night of my life on the tiny screen. I got a few shots and admitted to myself that it would never look as good in a picture as it did at that moment and gave up. I moved to put my phone away and he grabbed it from me and spun us around, holding his arm out, and took a picture of us. Right before I heard the ‘click’ created by the phone snapping the picture, I felt his lips press against my cheek. Instinctually, my eyes closed and I turned my head slightly into his touch. I saw the flash through my eyelids, but couldn’t be bothered to open my eyes.