The Space Between Us(52)

“You think it would do something for you to watch me taste myself?” I said as I tried not to let my feelings show through my face. He pushed a lock of my hair that came loose behind my ear and gave me a lopsided grin. He shrugged his shoulders. “Why?” I was honestly curious at this point. Thinking about the roles being reverse, having him taste himself, did nothing for me, besides gross me out a little.

“I don’t know, Babe. It just would. I don’t want to think about it if it’s not gonna happen.”

“Ok,” I said.

“Tell you what,” he said as he cupped my face. I could see him resisting the urge to lean forward and kiss me. “Why don’t you go fill that tub up, pour in something girly, and I will brush my teeth and then come join you.” I didn’t feel right to walk away from him at that moment. Something was off between us. After the spectacularly intimate moment we had just shared, an invisible wall had just as quickly been built between us. He wanted something that I couldn’t give him, or rather, wouldn’t.

I moved forward to wrap my arms around his neck and kissed him behind his ear. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. He groaned and pulled away.

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m not sorry for not kissing you. I’m sorry for the way we feel right now. How it feels in this room. I’ve never said no to you before. I don’t like the way it’s making me feel.”

“How do you feel?” He stepped away from me fully. The two feet between us felt like twenty to me.

“I feel like I want to make you happy. I want to please you,” I said, ending on a whisper.

“You do make me happy. You do please me.”

“I want to do things for you,” I said, trying to imply meaning.

“Stop dancing around your feelings, Bit. Tell me.”

“If there’s something you want, sexually, I want to give it to you. I want to be enough for you.”

“Babe, you’re more than enough for me. I don’t need anything else from you. Forget I said anything. I had never even thought about it until just now. Kissing you after going down on you is not a deal breaker, it’s just something that crossed my mind as sexy. Don’t let it bother you. Besides, we’re both going to have boundaries. You can’t give me something you’re not comfortable with because you’re afraid of disappointing me. I don’t want it then. I want whatever you’re comfortable giving me.”

“I don’t like this,” I said, looking down at my feet.

“What?”

“This!” I motioned between us, at the distance. “I don’t like feeling like there’s this thing between us. I’ve never felt this before. I don’t want anything to come between us.” I watched as he stripped his pants and boxer briefs off, now naked in front of me. He walked towards me and pulled me into his arms, wrapping himself so fully and so completely around me, I found it a little difficult to take a full breath.

“There,” he said quietly. “Now there’s nothing between us except for a little bit of residual sweat from our earlier exploits,” he whispered in my ear, trying to make me smile. I let myself feel him pressed against me and I tried to let the tension go. I tried to feel him, remind myself who we were together, tried to convince myself that this wasn’t a big deal. And really, it wasn’t. I was not totally concerned that he didn’t get to kiss me. I was really hung up on the idea of something coming between us. The idea of anything coming between us, that scared me. “I love you.” I knew he loved me. I could always feel his love.

“I love you too,” I responded honestly.

“Can we take a bath now?”

“Yes,” I said with a small laugh. And we did. We bathed for hours, refilling the tub when the water got cold. We ordered room service and talked, covering all the details emails and phone calls forced us to leave out. We made love and I tried so hard to be everything he needed.





Chapter Six


“Happy birthday, Bit.” I heard the words in my ear and felt his hands roaming my naked body as I lay in bed next to him. Asher. I was with Asher on my birthday. This never happened before. We were always separated and I’ve had to accept just hearing his voice over the phone wishing me a happy birthday. I opened my eyes and saw his face laying on my pillow, facing me, just inches away.

“Hi,” I squeaked, still sleepy.

“How does it feel to be nineteen?”

“It feels early,” I said as I stretched.

“We’ve got a lot to do today. So, you take a shower and I’ll order breakfast.”

“We have to get up?”

“Busy day,” he said and swatted my naked butt.

He wasn’t kidding either. We ran from one activity to another and he made sure to include my favorites along the way: I got my coffee, he took me to an art supply store and let me browse as long as I wanted, and he even took me to a book store. Towards the end of the day we walked down the street hand-in-hand when he stopped in front of a door and motioned for me to go in. I looked up and saw the word TATTOO painted on the window.

“Tattoos?” I asked, panicked.

“Well, you don’t have to get one, but I’m going to.”