The Space Between Us(43)
“That's Angie,” he said quietly. He paused and then continued with, “she's my girlfriend.” Knowing the words he was going to say before he said them didn't make them hurt any less. His admission was like throwing lighter fluid on a bonfire. My cries were just exacerbated. He didn't tell me to stop. He didn't try to reason with me. He just kept rubbing my back in slow and steady circles. Every once in a while his hand would travel up to my shoulder and he would give it a gentle squeeze. I knew he would sit next to me until I calmed down, so I didn't hurry myself along. I wanted to feel all of it, for my mom.
Eventually, though, the tears stopped and my breathing returned to normal. I turned my head to look at my father and was surprised and ashamed to see tears on his face as well. I didn't even notice he was crying. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Don't cry, Dad. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to upset you. I just wasn't prepared for any of this.”
“Trust me, I didn't want you to find out this way.” He paused and squeezed me a little tighter. “I thought you'd come home and I could introduce you properly. I thought we'd all sit around and eat dinner and you'd see how wonderful Angie is.” I felt his hand smooth over my hair. “Please don't let this get in the way of getting to know her, Charlie. She's a wonderful woman.”
I pulled away from him and wiped my tears from my face. The longer we sat here and talked about the woman who I assumed was in the other room, the sillier I began to feel about the whole scenario.
“Dad, stop. I am sure she's amazing. I can't imagine you spending time with anyone who wasn't. Honestly,” I said through a sniffle, still trying to hold back the cries that are trying to take over. “I'm not upset that you're dating. I knew that would happen. I just didn't expect...” Another sob broke free and I let it come, crying into my hands. “I didn't expect to see a woman standing in our house wearing mom's apron.”
“Oh, Baby,” he said as he pulled me into him. I snuggled into his chest, trying to keep the crying at bay. “No one is ever going to take your mother's place. Not in your life and not in my heart. I love your mother and I always will. I am sorry that what you saw upset you and I can totally understand why. So will Angie when we explain it to her. Everything you're feeling is valid, Charlie Bear. It's ok.” I took a few deep breaths and they sounded shaky even to me.
“How do you always know the right thing to say, Dad?”
“I generally just try to speak the truth.”
“Well, it worked. Thank you. I am sorry I got so upset.” He opened his mouth to argue with me but I put my hand up to stop him. “I know what you're going to say, Dad. I'm not apologizing for how I feel, I'm apologizing for how I acted. She didn't deserve that.” He looked down at me and I saw the corners of his mouth turn up just a little.
“Charlie, I am so proud to be your dad.” At that, we both smiled at each other.
“Good. Now give me five minutes to get myself under control and I would love to come and meet your girlfriend.” He leaned down and kissed my temple.
“We will be in the kitchen when you're ready.” I watched him stand up and walk out of my bedroom. I took a few more breaths, just making sure I really was in control of myself. I went to the bathroom, splashed some cool water on my face, and fixed the makeup that had been ruined by the epic breakdown I'd just endured. When I felt put back together and not on the verge of another emotional upheaval, I started towards the kitchen. My dad and Angie sat at the dining table, both had mugs in front of them, and Dad's arm rested on the back of her chair. With my head held high and a genuine smile on my face, I walked over to the table.
“Hi, Angie.” I held my hand out to her, hoping she would take it. She reached out tentatively, but returned my smile. “I am sorry about the way I behaved earlier. I was just taken by surprise. I promise that I don't always act like that and I hope I didn't ruin my only chance at making a good impression.” Her smile grew wider and she shook my hand gently.
“I'm so happy to meet you, Charlie. Your dad has told me such wonderful things about you.”
I laugh a little because I knew it was true. “He's biased. You can only trust him about half of the stuff he must have told you. Unfortunately, Dad hasn't told me anything about you, besides your name and that you're dating.” I shot my Dad a playful glare.
“I didn't want to tell you over the phone, Charlie. Maybe if you'd come home at all in the last three months we could have done this the right way.”
“I, for one, say we all just forget that the last hour even happened and just have a nice dinner getting to know each other.” I tried to be a real and true grown up, tried to put my feelings aside and be strong for my dad. I didn’t want him to be unhappy and Angie really did seem like a nice woman.
“Deal,” Angie said with a smile.
The three of us spent the next two hours eating a delicious meal Angie made, talking, laughing, and generally moving on from an awkward first meeting. I really liked her and I could tell my dad liked her too. It didn't go unnoticed by me that my dad's hand was on her thigh under the table, but it didn't bother me either. I've never wanted my dad to be lonely, and I hoped he was single all those years because he wasn't ready to date, not because he felt I would be bothered by it. It's been almost eight years since we lost mom. It was time for dad to find someone to be happy with again.