The Redemption(56)

But I belong in The Resistance.

Sincerely,

Dex



I exhale with sigh. Reaching for my wine, I take an unsteady sip to calm the torrential emotions brewing. My heart and head hurt for him. He’s exposed himself to me in the short letter and I’m left here in shock and hurting for him.

Nashville. I open the second letter, not knowing what to expect from this one. It’s neater—the handwriting and the hotel stationary. Quality paper.



Dear Rochelle,

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to live somewhere else, somewhere other than LA. Is thirty too young to have a life crisis?

I might be having one.

Nothing seems to stick or gel, or anything else with me these days. Except one.

And Johnny knows.

I didn’t tell him. I hope you believe me. He mentioned you in passing, but I know he was really letting on that he knows. I didn’t confirm his suspicions. But I didn’t deny them either. It felt wrong to do either.

Did you know at fourteen, I found out my mother was raped by her uncle when she was fourteen. I don’t even think I knew what rape was at that age, but I found out. I also lost my grandfather later that year. He had a heart attack. My mother refused to attend his funeral, so I went alone. Later, I wished I hadn’t gone at all. I got drunk for the first time at fourteen right after his service.

I smoked my first cigarette at fourteen. I lost my virginity at fourteen. I smoked pot for the first time at fourteen. I did coke at fifteen. I totaled my first Porsche at sixteen. My second at seventeen. My third at nineteen and then I was kicked out of the house. I got my first job at nineteen playing back up for a cover band down on Sunset for fifty dollars a night.

You walked into my life at nineteen…

Sincerely,

Dex



Dropping the letter to the floor, I sink further down into the water not able to process everything he’s told me, struggling since the tears slipping from my eyes take precedence. Of all the years I have known him, I never knew even a quarter of what he’s shared with me in these two letters. Why is he telling me now?

My hands are pruning and the bath water is cold. I stand up and dry off, draining the tub. Carrying the letters into the other room, I set them down on my bed before getting into my pajamas. Checking on the boys, who have both fallen asleep, I kiss each one of them on the head, then tiptoe out afterwards.

But my stomach is twisted and my heart pounding, worried what the last letter will say, so I wait to read it. While I brush my teeth I think about everything he revealed to me. It makes the stuff with Firenza seem petty in comparison. His past defines who he is now just as mine does. And the one thing I’ve learned is, there is no escaping it.

I climb under the covers and take the letter in hand along with a deep breath. Miami. Stars. Beach. The last kiss ever. Dex has lost his way and I’m not sure if I’ve helped or hurt him in the last couple of months, so I open the letter and hope for the best.

Miami.



Dear Rochelle,

I thought LA was soulless until I came to Miami. I’ve been to Miami many times, but never stayed sober before. Just an observation.

I knew you were coming, but I didn’t know what to expect. I thought I had a grasp on things, but you stir something in me, emotions I have trouble burying. These little confessionals have been freeing for me.

If you ever need to unload some burdens, I’m here for you. I know I’m probably the last person you would trust with such gravity—I should apologize. I worry my apologies hold no value with you anymore.

I’m going to try anyway. Here goes… Wait for it…

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for so much. If we ever get to that stage of trust again, I won’t blow it.

But there was something about Miami. On the beach, you outshined the stars.

Just something else I should have told you then. I was just too distracted by my own ego to say what my heart was feeling.

Something else I should have told you in one of those other letters is I started hanging out with Chad Spears at fourteen. I’m not asking you to stay away from him anymore. I have no right to do that, but know that I’d still like you to.

Sincerely,

Dex



Holy shit! Fourteen. Fourteen. Fourteen. Everything goes back to when he was fourteen. All the bad he’s had happen started at fourteen. With my thoughts and heartbeats running rampant, I can’t deny the urge to call him any longer. A text will not suffice. I grab my phone from the nightstand and do it before I can change my mind. After three rings, he answers and I can hear the hesitancy in his voice, “Hello?”

“Hi.” My own voice shakes a little from the uncertainty that lies between us.

There’s a momentary pause. I hear a TV or music in the background being turned down. “Hi.”

I blurt, “I got your letters.” I anxiously wait to hear his response, but typical Dex it’s not what I expect.

“I’m not sure what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Dex. I just want you to know that I got them all tonight. I didn’t know any of that in Miami. I wish I had.”

Always expect the unexpected with him. “Can I come over?”

“Ummm… I’m in bed already.” I regret it as soon as I say it, so I quickly cover with the truth. “If you want.”