The Firework Exploded (The Holidays #3)(7)

My mother shakes her head. “I still don’t understand.”.

“He’s having trouble with his dismount,” Aunt Bobbie adds.

“Can’t stick the landing?” Scheva suggests when she sees the confused look still in place on my mother’s face, handing the martini back to Aunt Bobbie.

“He can run up the hill, but can’t make it over the top.”

“The hose is in the garden, but it’s out of water.”

“The skin flute is in the band, but can’t play the finale.”

“The firework is lit, but never explodes.”

“Oh, my God, now I’M confused!” I shout, throwing my hands up in the air and giving Scheva and Aunt Bobbie a dirty look.

“Ohhhhhh, I get it now,” my mother smiles. “Mister Ed can write a check, but he can’t cash it.”

Scheva gives her a high five and Aunt Bobbie raises her glass in another toast. None of them even care that my fiancé’s chances of dying are increasing each time they open their mouths.

“Look, Sam is going to be here any minute. He’s currently on high blood pressure medication as a result of having so many bat-shit crazy people in his life now, which is the cause for…Mister Ed,” I spit out, not wanting to say the damn horse name but refusing to use the words erectile dysfunction since he absolutely does NOT have a dysfunction. Unless you count marrying into this family, which has now been confirmed requires prescription drug use. “Since he is the only hope right now of you ever getting another grandchild at some point in the future, you need to make sure you do everything you can to make sure he remains calm, not stressed, and keeps his blood pressure down, got it?”

Considering my mother has been begging for another grandchild, and seeing how my brother Nicholas and his wife just provided her with her first one in December and have no plans to have more anytime soon, Sam and I are her only hope for another one to spoil within the next few years. I know her weakness, and I’m not ashamed to use it for my own personal gain, for Sam’s health, and for the health of our sex life.

“I always do whatever I can to make sure the people I love are calm and happy,” my mother says with a huff. “And to prove what a team player I am, I’m going upstairs right now to box up all of our X-rated DVD movies and give them to you and Sam.”

Before I can tell her to stop talking, the door opens up behind us and Sam walks in. As soon as I see him, all I can think about is that stupid prescription bottle and how if he’d never met me, he wouldn’t have any of the problems he’s having now. He says hello to everyone and moves to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back against his chest.

“Sorry I’m a little late, we had a couple of issues at the tux place. What did I miss?” he asks, resting his chin on top of my head, thankfully unable to see the warning look I shoot toward my mother.

She brushes my glare off with a wave of her hand and steps to the side of us to rub Sam’s back soothingly.

“I’m giving you and Noel an early wedding present,” she tells him. “At least 4,000 viewing hours of stress-free enjoyment so you’ll be able to put Mister Ed out to pasture once and for all.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Aunt Bobbie announces, tossing back the rest of her drink, linking her arm through my mother’s and pulling her toward the stairs.

“Do I even want to know what your mother is talking about?” Sam asks as we watch the two women scramble up to the second floor.

“Nothing you need to be concerned with,” Scheva assures him. “Pay no attention to them when they start talking about a horse playing with fireworks and watering the garden. It’s a fairytale that absolutely does not end with Mister Ed being dropped off at the glue factory for failure to get his cart over the mountain.”

I slyly give Scheva the middle finger down by my waist and she laughs before leaving us alone in the hallway to race up the stairs after my mother and Aunt Bobbie.

“Do I-”

“Nope, you absolutely do not,” I interrupt him, turning around in his arms and clasping my hands behind his neck. “Let’s just go sit down on the couch, put our feet up and relax. Doesn’t that sound nice? I’ll even give you a backrub while we wait for dinner. Just a nice, peaceful, relaxing evening with nothing to worry about.”

Sam gives me a strange look, but I smile at him, grab one of his hands and pull him into the living room. It’s not like me offering to give him a backrub or do anything else nice for him is out of the ordinary, but I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m either high or I’ve lost my mind. There’s never been a nice, peaceful, relaxing evening in this house since the day my parents moved in and he knows it. Lucky for him, I’m hell-bent on making sure that’s exactly what he gets from now on.

There is no way I’m going to let the love of my life die from a heart attack or never be able to have sex with me again just because my family is certifiable. I will keep these people calm and in order if it’s the last thing I do.





Chapter 4




Lucifer’s Waterfall

Sam




I should probably ask Noel if everything is okay. Scratch that. I should make her tell me what’s wrong. She’s acting weird, and I don’t like it. One of the things I love most about her is that she can be feisty and isn’t afraid to give her opinion or argue her point. Especially when it comes to the craziness of her family. Her willingness to just brush everything strange that happened with her mother, Aunt Bobbie, and Scheva under the rug and offer to give me a backrub immediately, tells me she’s not okay. The weirdness is completely normal. Hell, I’ve come to expect it every time one of them opens their mouth. But her not wanting to complain about it or discuss it with me like she usually does? Not normal.