The Espionage Effect(75)
His forearm rested on my hip while his fingertips brushed lazy circles over my skin, mapping the terrain of my lower back. My cheek rested on his upper arm as I skimmed my fingers over the scruff along his jawline, slid them over the outer shell of his ear, then clasped the soft lobe between my finger and thumb, tugging gently.
Which caused him to lean forward and kiss me. Again.
Tender lips molded with mine, coaxing, pleading…giving.
Every gentle touch, each sigh and shudder, painted the picture between us in vivid clarity. Gratitude filled our hearts. For all what we had with each other after being denied for so long. The immensity of that one raw emotion hung thick in the air around us.
When our passionate kiss slowed, he eased back and let out a long exhalation. The dark silhouette of his head cocked slightly as he raised his arm from my hip. His fingers touched my cheekbone, slid to my temple, then brushed through my hair before tucking loose strands behind my ear.
“Devin?”
“Yeah?”
Tones low, our words hummed out like an extension of the caresses, the kisses.
“Why?” he asked.
Despite the seriousness between us, I fought a smile. “Why…what?”
“I meant…you’re in college, right?”
“Yes.” Even though the answer no longer rang true in my heart. “I’m halfway through my master’s program.”
“Why do you want to get involved with EtherSphere One? You’re brilliant. You could be anything you want to be.”
In the shadowy room, I couldn’t see his expression, but I sensed the intensity of his gaze. No pressure or judgment emanated from him, though. Instead, genuine concern and interest radiated through.
Needing space nonetheless, more to focus on my answer for me, as well as for him, I turned in his embrace, rotating until my back met his chest. The next silent seconds were spent adjusting together again, me shimmying backward, him curving forward, until his arms curled tighter around me. I stretched my arms under his, seeking his hands, then entwined our fingers together.
In the safety of the place we’d carved for ourselves, I drew in a slow breath as I cleared my mind before taking the plunge. Then I let the thought flow from my heart straight into my words.
“I want to be me.” There. I said it aloud.
His only reaction? The tightening of his embrace.
I forged ahead. “Not who my parents expect. Not what some IQ test or aptitude scoring suggests. Not as a horrible tragedy paints me.”
“No,” he agreed.
“This trip. You. EtherSphere One. All of it made me realize I want the adventure—the adrenaline-pumping, puzzle-solving, world-saving, challenge to my body as well as my mind.”
“This job can get you killed.” His voice broke at the end.
“True.” Another slow smile curved my lips. “But in the moments I control, and even those I don’t, where I’m holding on tight, along for the ride…I get to live.”
After startling awake from a coma-like sleep, I settled back into Alec’s tightening arms. Warm heat surrounded me as I gradually exhaled, relaxing into his embrace. His rhythmic breathing followed, chest rising and falling with mine, the cadence slowing with every deepening draw.
The pacifying effect almost lulled me back to sleep. Were it not for my brain rapidly firing its synapses on its own accord, working to fit more puzzle pieces together, I might’ve stolen another precious few hours of needed REM.
Instead, I waited several more minutes to be certain he’d fallen soundly back under, until his leg that was casually thrown over mine gave a slight twitch. Then I slipped out from under him with a held breath.
In the relative darkness, he lay peacefully on his side in the center of the tangled white sheets. Spoiling myself at the sight, reveling in what had happened—how my body and soul still sang from an experience I avoided giving a label to—I stared for a good two minutes.
Then I returned into his closet, stole another clean folded T-shirt, and slipped it over my head while I padded down the hall toward his kitchen. The muffled roar of crashing ocean waves grew louder as I walked, likely due to the increased surface area of windows in his great room.
When I opened the refrigerator door, I winced at the blinding light. Once my eyes adjusted, I realized it was organized into logical sections: ready-to-eat items on an eye-level second shelf; packaged meats, eggs, and deli items on two lower shelves; and brightly colored produce in two side-by-side crisper drawers. From the bins in the door, I grabbed one of an assortment of Evolution Fresh nutrition drinks labeled Sweet Greens and Lemon, shook the green-colored contents, then downed a few swallows of the bitter but sweet liquid as I headed toward the far end of the quiet house.
An unfamiliar peace washed over me as I entered his office. Maybe due to the fact that I no longer stood by myself in the darkness. Amid all the danger in our evil world, I no longer remained a lone cynic. Or maybe, I no longer remained a cynic at all.
Instead, I’d been given a reprieve from my self-induced banishment from the world at large. I’d returned from exile, ready to dance in the sunshine and defy the shadows—in spite of the threat of losing any unadulterated joy the millisecond I let my guard down.
Except I planned to never let my guard down.
Not completely. Nothing wrong with leaving some measure of protection up against the darkness that existed, whether or not I chose to vigilantly acknowledge its presence. Even a low hum of awareness served better than the na?ve delusions held by the vacationers that shared this stretch of beach, occupied the rest of the planet. Which made me more safeguarded than most who simply lived in outright denial.