The Breakdown(47)

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‘Are we celebrating?’ Matthew asks when he sees me taking a bottle of champagne from the fridge.

‘Yes.’

He smiles. ‘Can I ask what?’

‘Me feeling a whole lot better,’ I say, thrilled that I’ve managed to get through the day without taking any pills.

Relieving me of the champagne, he takes me in his arms. ‘That’s the best news I’ve had in a long while.’

He nuzzles my neck. ‘How much better did you say you felt?’

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‘Enough to start thinking about us having a baby.’


He looks at me delightedly. ‘Really?’

‘Yes,’ I say, kissing him.

‘How about we take the champagne up to bed?’ he murmurs.

‘I’ve made your favourite curry.’

‘I know, I can smell it. We can have it later.’

‘I love you,’ I sigh.

‘I love you more,’ he says, scooping me into his arms.

And I feel happier than I’ve felt for a long time.

THURSDAY AUGUST 13th

I sleep late the next day, so Matthew has already left by the time I wake. Remembering the night we spent together, I give a shiver of pleasure. I get out of bed, pad to the bathroom and shower, taking my time. The sun has come back with a vengeance so I pull on shorts and a t-shirt, push my feet into a pair of espadrilles and go downstairs, taking my laptop with me. Today I’m going to work.

I have breakfast, fetch the papers that I need from my school bag and turn on my computer. But it’s hard to focus because, annoyingly, I’ve got one ear out for the phone. The tick of the clock is also distracting me. It seems to be getting louder with each second that passes, drawing my eyes towards the hands as they inch slowly forward towards nine o’clock, then nine-thirty. They come and go without incident and I’m just beginning Title: The Breakdown ARC, Format: 126x198, v1, Output date:08/11/16





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to believe that it really is all over when the phone starts ringing.

I stare into the hallway from the kitchen, my heart thudding. This is a new day, I remind myself firmly, a new me, one who is no longer afraid of a ringing phone.

I push my chair back and go resolutely into the hall, but before I can answer it, the answering machine cuts in and Rachel’s voice floods the room.

‘Hi, Cass, it’s me, phoning from sunny Siena. I already tried your mobile, so I’ll phone back. I have to tell you about Alfie, oh my God, he’s soooo boring!’

Laughing with relief, I go upstairs to call her from my mobile. I’m halfway up when the house phone starts ringing again so, guessing it’s her, I run back down and snatch it up. But as soon as I put it to my ear, I know, I know that it’s not her, just as I knew that the call I heard coming in as I was leaving the house yesterday was him, even though I chose to believe that it wasn’t. And I feel such rage at having hope snatched away from me that I cut the call, effectively slamming the phone down. He calls straight back, as I knew he would, so I answer and cut the call, like before. After a minute or so – as if he can’t quite believe what I’ve done – he calls again. So I answer and hang up, and he calls back, so I answer and hang up and he calls back and we go back and forth for a while because, for some reason, our little game amuses me. But then I realise it’s one I’m not going to win, because he’s not going to leave me alone until I’ve given him what he wants. So I stay on the phone and The Breakdown





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listen to his silent menace coming down the line. And


then I phone Matthew.

The call goes straight through to his voicemail so I phone the main number and ask to be put through to his assistant.

‘Hello, Valerie, it’s Cass, Matthew’s wife.’

‘Hi, Cass, how are you?’

‘I’m fine, thanks. I tried to call Matthew but it went straight through to his voicemail.’

‘That’s because he’s in a meeting.’

‘Has he been in there long?’

‘Since nine o’clock.’

‘I suppose once he’s in there, he won’t come out until it’s finished?’

‘Well, only to get coffee or something. But if it’s urgent, I can get him for you.’

‘No, it’s fine, don’t worry, I’ll catch him later.’

Well, at least I had one day’s respite, I tell myself dully as I pop a couple of pills and swallow them down with water. At least I managed to believe for one day that Matthew was right when he said the calls were coming from a call centre. And now that I can no longer fool myself, at least I have the pills to help get me through the day.

While I wait for them to take effect, I slump on the sofa in the sitting room, the remote in my hand. I’ve never watched daytime television before and as I flick through the channels I come across a shopping channel.

I watch it for a while, marvelling at all the different





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gadgets that I never knew I needed, and when I see a pair of long silver earrings, which I know Rachel would love, I quickly find a pen and jot down the details so that I can order them later.