The After of Us (Judge Me Not #4)(51)

Chase pulls Emma aside and tells her, much more kindly than I, that she should probably leave. She nods and blinks back tears as she tries to catch my eye.

Pushing past them both, I go to find my daughter.





Emma



I leave the hospital and go home.

My apartment has never felt so empty. I have never felt so empty. How can Will ever forgive me? I’m not even that mad at him for being angry with me. I deserved some of his ire. I never should have taken Lily and Sarah down to play behind the school on that old, decrepit swing set.

What in the hell was I thinking?

Disappointed in myself—I’m a teacher, for God’s sake, I should know better—I head to the bathroom to take a shower. Maybe hot water can wash away my remorse.

But even after thirty minutes of standing under almost-scalding hot water, and with my skin as pink as hell, my heart remains heavy. Releasing a pent-up breath, I hop out of the shower, dry off, and then slip on a short robe made of white silk. Five minutes later, I am curled up on the sofa.

All I want to do is doze off and forget this day ever happened.

Finding peace is easier said than done. My mind insists on replaying the events of the day. They’re all bad, too—like when Kay informed me at the hospital that Will was on his way to Chicago for an interview for another job in New York City. When did that come up? Will obviously didn’t think I was important enough to call and let know he may be leaving town. I thought this job stuff was decided long ago. Doesn’t he realize I love him? And Lily, too? I don’t want either of them to go away.

A tear slides down my cheek.

Shit, I told myself I was done crying.

My phone beeps a little while later, and I hastily snatch it up from where it rests on a sofa cushion.

It’s not Will, unfortunately.

Rather, it’s a text from Kay. I thought you’d want to know Lily is going to be fine.

I breathe a sigh of relief and continue reading.

The doctors ran tons of tests, imaging and such. Everything looks good, but they’ve decided to keep her overnight for observation. Apart from a nasty bump on her head, she seems fine.

Oh, thank God, I type back. Thank you for thinking of me and letting me know. I was really worried. I just wish I could come see Lily.

Kay: Visiting hours just ended. Will’s here, of course, and he’ll be staying with Lily for a little while longer. The staff made an exception for him, but only for another hour. Anyway, if you need to talk to someone, Emma, I’m here.

I type back: Thanks, Kay.

Despite her kind offer, I don’t call. I’m sure Kay wants to spend this time with her own children, before she puts them to bed. Jack has had a tough day, as well, though not as rough as Lily’s. His nose will be fine. There was no break, just lots of swelling.

A little over an hour after receiving Kay’s text, there’s a frenzy of knocks on my apartment door. I am thrown into an internal debate as to whether I should acknowledge the individual knocking, since I have a strong suspicion I know precisely who it is.

Sure enough, following several more insistent raps, Will’s voice rings out from outside.

“Emma, please,” I hear him plead. “I know I’ve been the biggest prick lately, especially over at the hospital, and I’m sorry, I am.” Another knock rings out, and I can almost feel his desperation. “Please, Emma, please let me in so we can talk about this.”

I can’t in good conscience continue to ignore him, so I go to the door and let him in.

Without a word from either of us, Will walks into my apartment, slowly, his steps as pained as the expression on his face. He’s sorry for how he behaved, I can tell. Still, with his nasty dismissal of me at the hospital, and his assuming the worst, I don’t know if I can forgive him instantly.

Clearing my throat, I say, “I heard from Kay. She said Lily is going to be fine.” I blow out a breath. “That’s certainly good news.”

Will scrubs a hand down his face. “Yes, it is, it is. Just… Thank God.” Suddenly choking out another apology, he reaches for me.

But I take a step back. “Will, I don’t know.”

“Emma, please.”

I give in then, allowing him to encircle me in his arms. “Fuck, Emma,” he says. “I am so, so, so sorry for flipping out on you. I wasn’t really mad at you. I was pissed at myself.”

I remain tense, at first, but Will’s warm body pressed to mine feels so good, so right, so comforting. And I can’t help it—I love him no matter what.

When I start to relax, he tightens his arms around me. “I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I wish I could take them back.”

“Will, let’s not…” I trail off, not sure what I want to say.

“Look,” he begins, “here’s the problem. I have a bad habit of pushing blame to the people I love the most. It’s wrong, and I know it. And I swear I’m trying to stop that shit. But sometimes, Emma, sometimes I slip.”

“You weren’t completely in the wrong,” I allow.

When I lean back and am able to see his face, I see he’s shaking his head. “No, no, I’m the dick in this equation,” he insists.

“Okay, maybe a little,” I grant him, smiling slightly. “But you were right about one thing—I never should have taken the girls down to that old swing set.”