The After of Us (Judge Me Not #4)(29)

“Yeah, you’ll be living the dream soon enough,” I murmur to my drunk-ass self.

Too bad I’m not inebriated enough to forget that the life I’m about to embark on is not the one I really want at all.





Will



They say moments of clarity come at the strangest times, most often when unexpected.

My moment of clarity regarding Lily occurs exactly like that, at 8:05 on a Friday night, as I’m down at the school, watching in awe as my “who knew she was this insanely talented” daughter paints a perfect rendering of a little brown squirrel, directly below the large one I finished touching up minutes before.

My daughter is wildly gifted. She is, and it finally sinks in.

Emma is standing next to me, facing the mural, and sharing the moment with me. There’s something very right about that.

Emma arrived unexpectedly, shortly after Lily and I started painting. She claimed she’d forgotten something at the school. Yeah, right. She knew Lily and I’d be painting here tonight. The real tip-off to her cute ruse is that she hasn’t made a single move to retrieve her supposedly left-behind item.

I suspect Emma Metzger secretly wanted to see what Lily and I were up to. Or maybe she wanted to see me? In any case, I’m happy she’s here. Especially to share in this special moment, this act of discovering my daughter is beyond gifted.

We watch Lil go to town, and, damn, I can’t believe the diminutive five-year-old little girl making art before my eyes belongs to me.

A wobbly, “Wow,” is all I can manage to croak out.

“Maybe Lily is a prodigy,” Emma whispers as she leans in to me.

I like this closeness, and I revel in it as I move closer still and whisper back, “Lily likes to doodle in her coloring books. I mean, I see her sketching crap all the time. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen her draw anything quite as good as this.” I gesture to where Lily diligently works on her squirrel. “This is something special, Emma.”

“It is exceptionally good for a five-year-old,” Emma agrees.

“Hell, it’d be pretty damn good for a twenty-five-year old,” I retort.

“It would be, Will, it really would.”

“I guess I should probably start paying more attention to what Lily is working on in those coloring books.”

“You should pay more attention, Will,” Emma replies.

Whoa, that comment is laden with hidden meaning.

“Don’t worry,” I reply, chuckling, “I plan to.”

After a few more minutes of watching Lily, who is now deeply engrossed in getting the squirrel’s tail just right, Emma says, “Well, you and Chase are really talented at art, so this shouldn’t come as a complete surprise.”

I let out a snort. “We weren’t good like this till we were way older.”

“Hmm, looks like the artistic gene must be extra strong in Lily.”

“You’re not kidding.”

And then Emma says something that gives me pause. “At least with you parenting her, she’ll have a chance to develop her talent. I’ll be sure to encourage her to draw a lot at daycare the next couple of weeks while you’re gone.”

“Thanks,” I murmur.

I feel shitty. Emma is really starting to care for Lily. This isn’t some girl just working my daughter to get close to me. Emma is a genuinely good person. She’ll make a good mom someday, I have no doubt.

Speaking of parenting, am I really going to be that much better of a parent than Cassie? I mean, sure, I don’t have a drug problem, but with my upcoming schedule Lily will most likely spend as much time with other people as she was doing with Cassie. Better people, not druggies, but still essentially strangers.

I sigh, and Emma wants to know, “What’s wrong?”

I shake my head, torn between what my heart still screams every day for me to do—stay here where my family is—versus what my head is now shouting, which is get your ass to New York.

“I just…” I falter, rake my fingers through my hair, and then begin again. “I’m just worried about when Lily comes up to New York. It’s not like I’m going to have tons of time to spend with her.”

“So, stay here in Harmony Creek.”

“It’s not that simple, Emma.”

She steps away, putting some space between us. “The job in New York is not the only job in the world, Will.”

“It’s a good job, Emma.”

She raises an eyebrow. “By good, you mean it pays a lot, right?”

“Whatever. I don’t have time for this.” I start to walk away, to head over to the mural where I can escape an uncomfortable discussion, but Emma steps directly in front of me, blocking my path.

I roll my eyes. “I can just walk around you, you know.”

“So, go ahead.” Her lips press together and her ice-blue eyes dare me to move. “Walk away, Will,” she hisses, low so Lily can’t hear. “It seems you have that move down pat.”

I stay right where I am, simply to prove her wrong.

After an epic stare-down, Emma’s gaze softens. She touches my arm. “Hey, listen, I’m sorry. I’m really not trying to be a bitch.”

“You’re not a bitch,” I assure her.