The After of Us (Judge Me Not #4)(27)

“Will, hey. Earth to Will.” Emma waves her hand in front of my face. “Thought I lost you for a minute there.”

Clearing my throat, I compose myself and reply in my smoothest tone, “No, no, I’m here. I promise you, Emma, I am one hundred percent in this moment.”

I smile over at her, and she smiles back. And soon, things begin to feel more right for me than they have in a long time. There’s something more than lust between Emma and me, something I can’t define. I don’t know what it is, but it feels like…potential.

Too bad I’m leaving on Sunday.

Dinner comes and goes, and we order a second bottle of wine. I end up drinking far more than Emma. It feels good, though, to let go. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.

As my inhibitions fall away, I flat-out ask Emma, “So, what is it about me you don’t like?”

She switched over to ice water a minute ago and is in the process of taking a drink. Or, rather, trying to, as my question catches her off guard and she coughs and sputters.

“I like you,” she says, setting her glass on the table and wiping her mouth with a cloth napkin.

“Eh.” I shrug. “You say that, and I feel like you do, but there’s something bothering you.” I wave my hand around, like I’m swishing away this undisclosed something between us. “I feel it, Emma, your hesitation. That’s why you didn’t want to call this a date, right? Something about me bugs you, doesn’t it?”

“Jeez, Will, nothing like getting right to the point there.”

I lean back in my chair. “Seriously, Emma, just tell me. I’m a big boy, I can take it.”

She doesn’t look so sure.

Eyeing me warily, she says, “I just feel bad for Lily, that’s all.”

“Okaaay…” I pour the last of the wine into my glass and take a long sip. And then, since I’m thoroughly irritated now, I throw her earlier words back at her. “Jeez, Emma, nothing like getting right to the point there.”

I glare over at her. She can’t maintain the intense eye contact for more than a few seconds, and, looking down at the table, she murmurs, “You asked me to tell you what’s been bothering me.”

“Yeah, I did.” I sigh. “But I’m trying to be a good father to Lily. It’s unfair to expect me to be perfect. Let’s not forget, this is all new to me. Her mother dumped her on me unexpectedly. Hell, up until last week, I didn’t even know I had a kid.”

She shakes her head, like she’s trying to rid herself of some bad thought. “I know all that, but…”

“What? Just spit it out, Emma.”

And then she does. “I’m not questioning your intent, Will. But you’re still leaving Lily—”

“And like the plan before,” I interject, “it’s only for a couple of weeks, max.”

“And then what?” Her blue eyes flash with fire, telling me someone left this girl once and that’s really why she’s mad. “What kind of life is Lily going to have in New York with you working all the time? She’s never going to see you. I bet when it gets really tough, you’ll send her back to her mom.”

I snort. “That is never going to happen. I don’t even know how to reach Cassie.”

“See,” Emma says, pointing at me accusingly. “That’s exactly what I mean. You’d consider it, wouldn’t you? You’d give up Lily if you knew where Cassie was.”

She has me all off-track now, and the wine clouding my brain isn’t helping matters. Would I give Lily back to Cassie? I don’t know. Not if Cassie’s still using, no way. But if she were clean…?

“I don’t know what I’d do,” I admit.

Instead of blowing up at me, like I fully expect her to, Emma says softly, “You can’t just give her away, Will. That’s the same thing as leaving her. Lily needs her father. Daughters need their dads.”

Emma reaches over and snatches my glass of wine. She takes a sip, and then sets the glass down, her fingers wrapped tightly around the stem. “I’m sorry,” she says, eyes downcast.

I reach over and gently pry her fingers from the wine glass before she snaps the stem in two.

“Hey,” I say quietly. “Is this really about Lily? Or is this about you?”

She then tells me about how her dad left her family when she was only a couple years older than what Lily is now. She explains how it made her feel, how it still makes her feel.

“It’s irrational, I know. But I’m glad I came clean with you. I’m sorry, but I can’t help the way I feel, Will.”

“I’d never do that to Lily, though,” I adamantly declare. “Even if Cassie took her back, I’d always stay in her life.”

Emma scoffs. “Yeah, like that’d work out, with you in New York and her out west.”

Now, I just want to leave. I motion for the waiter to bring the check and when he does I throw a bunch of bills on the table. “Let’s get out of here,” I say, my words clipped.

“I’m sorry I ruined our date,” Emma murmurs as we head for the door.

“It wasn’t a date, remember?”

I don’t know why I’m suddenly being a dick. Or maybe I do. The conversation we just had has hit a little too close to home, making me realize I’m only partially committed to keeping Lily with me indefinitely.