The Absence of Olivia(78)

Even though I would have stayed on the porch and let them hug me forever, I pulled back, leaving one of my hands on a shoulder of each of them. I took them in, smiling as tears streamed down my face.

“Oh, my gosh, look at you two,” I said, trying to sound excited and not like I was sad, even though I was sobbing.

Ruby’s brown hair was a little lighter, but still curly, and very long. She was ten now, and looked very much like a ten year old, perhaps even twelve. She had more freckles and tanner skin, which made sense living in Florida.

Of the two of them, Jaxy had changed more, but that was more because he’d gone from being practically a baby, to becoming a small child. It was amazing, but it was also sad. He was almost eight, his hair was buzzed short, and he was missing a front tooth. His baby voice was gone and his boyhood voice had taken its place.

They both looked at me as if I was the most amazing person they’d ever met and my heart could just barely take it.

“Okay, kids, let’s take a step back, and let Aunt Evie into the house.”

I heard his voice for the first time in almost three years. In all the time I’d been away, we’d never spoken on the phone. We’d only corresponded through email or text message, and any time my phone rang with his name on the caller ID, I knew it would be Ruby or Jax calling to chat. Never Devon.

His voice caused a few things to happen. First, I smiled. He sounded exactly the same, even if his children didn’t, and that was comforting. Second, my eyes found him. I looked up at him and thought he looked great.

Just.

Great.

He did not look like the man I’d spend the rest of my life loving, and he did not look like the man I’d spent half my life pining over. He just looked like Devon. Third, I felt Nate’s hand slide into mine and give it another squeeze. This caused the color in my world to brighten a little.

Nate wasn’t trying to claim me, or give Devon some sort of signal that I was his. No. In true Nate style, he was showing me he was there supporting me.

“Nate, good to see you again.” Devon said as he reached out a hand, wearing a genuine smile.

“Likewise,” Nate replied with a matching smile.

“Evie, we’ve been waiting all day. The kids were nearly losing their minds with excitement.” He stepped forward and opened his arms to me. Without hesitation, I met him with a few steps of my own and gave him a hug, my hands open and splayed on his back. He smelled the same, felt the same, even looked unaffected by time, not aging much since I’d seen him last. But everything else was different.

My heart didn’t sputter when his arms wrapped around me, my breath didn’t steal away, and there was no electric jolt that used to shoot through me at his touch. I was unaffected, other than the warmth that spread through me as I realized all of this.

I loved Nate. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. In six months we’d been able to build a stable and wonderful relationship, even with us living in different states. He was the most patient, loving, giving partner I could have ever dreamed up. But I would have been lying to myself if I said I hadn’t been worried about how I would react to seeing Devon.

The last time we saw each other we were discussing how we’d spent ten years wanting to be with each other. Ten years is a long time. Much longer than six months. My worst fear had been that I would see Devon and something I’d worked so hard to fix over the last two years would instantly break and, in turn, I’d end up breaking Nate.

Hurting Nate was the one thing I never wanted to do. Intentionally or otherwise. So when no buried feelings started clawing their way up and through me, I realized, finally, that Devon was in my past.

Only the socially accepted rules of decorum stopped me from throwing my hands in the air and shouting, “I have no romantic feelings for you!” It was the biggest sigh of relief I’d ever let out.

Devon pulled away and held out a hand, motioning into his house. “Please, come in.”

Without thinking much about it, one hand reached back and took Nate’s, and then Ruby’s hand was in the other.

“I can’t wait to show you my room, Auntie Evie. Dad let me choose my own paint color when we bought this house and I chose this awesome, neon blue color.”

“Wow, sounds exciting.”

“Mine’s green,” Jaxy said from beside his sister.

I let the children lead me to the back of the house, leaving Nate and Devon in the living room. I worried for just a moment about the two of them alone together, but when I heard Devon’s relaxed and friendly voice offer Nate a beer, I let all my anxiety go.

The next half hour was spent getting to know my Ruby and Jax again. Ruby’s room was definitely a neon blue. I was honored to see a magazine story about my photography cut out and taped to her wall. I remembered being her age, and only really important things were taped to the wall, so I took it as a huge compliment. Her room was definitely that of a girl just barely creeping up on her teen years. She had a poster of a somewhat young-looking boy band, a beanbag chair, and pushed into the back of her closet I could see a large Barbie house that looked like it hadn’t been played with in a while.

She had a white four-poster bed with gauzy fabric draping down the sides, which looked amazingly romantic. I knew that in a few years she’d appreciate the bed a little more than she probably did now.

Jaxy’s room was a disaster, but that didn’t stop him from showing it to me with pride. His walls were indeed green, but I couldn’t have told you which color the carpet was, as it was covered from one end to the other in what could only be described as the litter of childhood. I stood in the doorway as he ran around and showed me all his “awesome toys.”