The Absence of Olivia(76)

“Nate, I climbed on your lap,” I laughed. “You’re not the only one who wants this.” I bent low again, trying to coax his lips to come back to mine, but he pulled back again.

“I don’t want you to think this is why I came here.”

With those words, I pulled back even farther, trying to read him, trying to understand his hesitation.

“I’ve been thinking about you for so long. I dated a few women, but none of them compared to the woman I took on that hike, who lit up when a camera was in her hands. Who loved two children so dearly who weren’t even hers. Who missed her best friend but did everything she could to carry out her last wishes. This isn’t about sex, Lyn. Although, I can’t deny that I want you. But, for me at least, this is way more than just sex.”

My eyes darted back and forth between his, looking for some indication as to how to take his words.

“So, you don’t want to do this?” I asked, my eyes drifting down to where our bodies were connected, yet still clothed. I could tell part of him wanted to continue.

His hands came to rest near my knees, a much safer place than my ass had been. I felt my heart deflate a little at the movement. I wanted him. I found myself unwilling to deny that fact, and also proud of myself for not shying away from sex. I’d spent a good portion of my life denying myself the pleasure of sharing my body with a man because the man was Devon.

“God, I want you, Lyn,” he said, squeezing my legs with his hands. “But I want more than just sex.”

“What more do you want?” I asked breathily, my heart rate spiking.

“I want you. I want us. We never got a real shot the first time – nothing was right then. But I want a second chance.”

“You live very far away,” I whispered, moving my hands up his arms, loving the way the cotton of his shirt slid along my skin. I wasn’t denying him, not in the slightest, I just wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting into.

“There are planes, and Skype, and FaceTime. It’ll be difficult, but it’s got to be better than the last two years of only imagining what it would be like.”

“It’s got to be only me, Nate.” My voice was suddenly serious. I hadn’t meant for it to sound cold, but when the words escaped from me, they needed attention. “I won’t be with someone who is also seeing someone else. I want to make someone, you, my priority, and I want that in return.”

“You want me all to yourself?” he asked, a smile now spreading over his previously troubled face.

“Yes,” I whispered. “And for the last two years I’ve been working so hard on myself, I want to give you all of that as well.”

“I get the new and improved Lyn?” His smile grew even wider.

“If you’ll have me.”

Then, for just one moment, I was struck with panic. I panicked because for most of my life the person I loved wouldn’t have me, and the one person who would, never knew the real me. This was the first time I’d come, essentially bare, stripped down and real, and offered myself to someone. And he could easily say no.

My breath was stalled, my skin vibrating with the agony of waiting for his response.

“I won’t just have you,” he said, bringing his hands to the back of my neck and pulling me down to his mouth, “I’ll keep you this time.”

I smiled as our mouths met, and the butterflies in my belly took flight again.

My smile quickly disappeared when Nate’s arms wrapped tightly around my waist, lifted me, and lay me on the couch, his body fitting over mine. One foot was on the floor, his other knee wedged between my body and the back of the couch, keeping the brunt of his weight off me. But I could feel the pressure and the heat pressing me down into the couch, and it was wonderful. I wanted to feel everything: every breath he took, every move he made. I wanted to be fully present.

We kissed and my hands started to wander, wanting to familiarize themselves with him, wanting to touch and feel him. I managed to squeeze them between us and started working on the buttons of his black shirt. I pulled his shirt free from his pants at the same time, slowly peeling back the only layer of fabric between my hands and his chest.

He shrugged the shirt free after I’d released the last button and tossed it across the room, then his mouth found mine again. I wasted no time letting my hands roam freely over the chest I’d only imagined, in great detail, both two years ago and then all day today. And admittedly, more than a few days in between.

My fingers made their way down the defined valley that ran between his pectorals, then felt the rigid bumps of his abdominals, and somewhere inside my brain a very girly voice was screaming and hyperventilating about the V I felt running up the sides of his hips as my hands smoothed their way to his back.

The entire time I was caressing the muscular landscape of his top half, his bottom half was inching closer to mine. His foot had come off the floor and my legs instantly wound themselves around his hips.

“Lyn, God, I’ve wanted this for so long,” he said before dipping back down and sucking my lower lip into his mouth.

I didn’t have a response. Or, not one I would give him. He couldn’t fathom how long I’d been waiting for someone to want me, to chase me. Nate was here, in my home, where he’d traveled a long way to be, and he wanted nothing more than me in that moment. His hands moved over my body and I knew, without one single doubt, no one else was on his mind.