Tank (Moonshine Task Force Book 2)(19)
I give in as he owns the kiss he’s giving me, tilting my head to the side to accommodate the slide of his tongue against mine. My fingers dig in his hair, disrupting the way he’s pulled it back out of his face. God I love his hair; it’s silky, way too pretty for a man to have, and the slightest bit curly. I wonder what Stella’s hair will look like when it grows out. Will she get this from their side of the family? If Trevor and I ever get our shit together and have kids, will they have this wavy, blonde mass? I pull back from the kiss because I’m too deep in my feelings, letting too many emotions take me out of the pleasure that is Trevor’s mouth.
His voice is deep and rough as he speaks. “As much as I would love to keep going and spend the day in bed with you, Whit’s gonna be here in a few minutes.”
They’re having an outing, one I’m not allowed to know about. Days before Christmas, I can guess it’s probably to get a present for me.
“And I need to go call into the station. See what kind of shift I can get on where I can still be there for your physical therapy.”
His fingers tangle with mine, pulling me down to sit on his good thigh. “I love you,” he whispers as he pushes the hair back from my face.
Those words never get old, and I have a feeling they never will. “I love you, too.”
Tank
“Thanks for agreeing to take me. I know you had a baby like a week ago and you could have told me to kiss your ass,” I grin over at my older sister as I get situated in the passenger seat of her SUV.
“Be thankful to our mom. She’s at home with Ryan to make sure nothing awful happens. He was so nervous,” she laughs as she backs out of my drive.
“I can only imagine. He’s stone-cold when it comes to work, but the personal stuff is sometimes where he draws the line.”
She snorts slightly. “He asked me what if she won’t stop crying? I had to break it to him that sometimes at night, when he’s snoring, she’s crying the entire time. It’s not like because I’m her mom I can make her stop. I’m as clueless as he is.”
“But you’re in it together,” I remind her. “And that’s probably the coolest thing ever. I’m sorry for the way I reacted when I found out,” I glance over at her, gauging her reaction. “It’s one of the biggest embarrassments and regrets I had while I lay in the hospital. I can’t even put my finger on why it bothered me so much.”
Early morning traffic a few days before Christmas isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and I think for a minute, Whitney’s not going to answer me. When we stop at a red light, she turns to look at me.
“I think it bothered you so much, Trevor, because you want it but you’re scared of it. You’re also overbearing when it comes to Blaze, which I think is ridiculous after you saw what I went through.”
Dayum, sometimes I hate how well she knows me. Not like I didn’t already realize it, but fuck my sister is a ballbreaker. “Blaze talked to you about our big argument, huh?”
“She didn’t talk to me about it, but she did tell me you asked her to give up her job,” she fixes me with a glare. “And since you’re alive and well, I can say what I’ve wanted to say since I found out. What the fuck were you thinking when you asked her to give up her job?”
How do I explain to her how scary it was to see the gun sitting next to Blaze’s head? To take note of the shaking hand of the mentally unstable man who held my world in the balance of his breakdown. How fucking helpless I felt while I stood there, knowing I could take him out with my past as a sniper. Yet they made me wait, made me watch everything happen with my own two eyes. So I tell her all of that.
She’s quiet for a few minutes before she shoots a pointed glance my way. “The same way she had to respond to your wreck and wonder if you’d even make it to the hospital? Your job is just as dangerous as anyone else’s Trevor, even more so. You and Ryan go through life thinking nothing bad is going to happen to you, but more than anything, this should show you how incorrect that is. Trev, you weren’t even working, you were enjoying your day off and you could have died. It had nothing to do with your job. It was you living day-to-day.”
“I know,” I nod, knowing she’s telling me the truth. “Trust me, I know. I’ve thought about it a lot. It’s been on my mind more than you can imagine. I still can’t get over the picture I have of her in my mind. The asshole was holding a gun to her head, and she tried to be so brave. At first she wasn’t shaking, she was crying, but I knew how scared she was. I could see it, I know this woman better than anyone else who responded that day. Her eyes said it all. She was fucking scared to death, and I worried I was going to let her down. What if my co-workers and I couldn’t convince this guy to let her go? What if my life ends as I see her brains splattered across the concrete? It was enough to make me sick, and after he pushed her away and we made sure she was okay, I went out back behind the house and puked twice. Ryan found me, and immediately knew what was going on in my head. I couldn’t take the fear.”
Even now my palms are sweating and I have to rub them against my thighs to dry them off. I take a steadying breath to remind myself I’m not in that moment any longer.
“It’s a fear, Whit, a fear I’m not sure I can cope with,” I do my best to explain.